To find it annoying when parents let their children watch tablets in coffee shops with the volume turned up?

[Zippyzoppy]

Sat in a coffee shop just wanting to have a quiet few minutes to myself. Opposite is a Dad with his circa 4 year old who is playing games on a tablet which I can hear and is really distracting and spoiling my enjoyment of my coffee. Dad is on his iPhone.

Am I a miserable cow for finding this irritating?!

Yes, it’s rude as fuck to have the volume on your devices or phones loud enough for others to hear what you’re doing or watching.

@AgentProvocateur

I don’t give a shit if your child is on a tablet but if they’re not wearing headphones, I’ll judge you as a rude entitled areshole.

👏👏👏👏👏👏

Certainly people should keep sound down or off in public places. I do feel a bit sad when I see telly young, say toddler and preschool kids on tablets the minute they can hold one and at the slightest sign of having to endure any time waiting for something. But as PP has noted, parents can't win and I do think a lot of the tendency to give them a phone/tablet straightaway in public is fear that their kids might 'make a fuss', so people decide they will never risk it and get their kids on devices the moment they can toddle, so I do understand why it happens.

"It's lazy parenting to shove a child on a tablet to keep them quiet rather than interacting with the child."

Clueless. Absolutely clueless.

But yes OP noise should be off.

@TheSlayer

We don't use electronic devices out. But that means you have to make your peace with screeching, toddling to your table, touching you and Random toy noises. It'd be much easier to keep Sen baby quiet with an iPad though and no doubt the noise is preferable. Our baby is far too young to 'discipline' and any curving of his exploration results in blood curdling screams. Not ideal for other people. Of it's not an 'adult' focused cafe it's realistic to expect some noise. iPad is sometimes the lesser of two evils.

But if you are seen to be trying, rather than just ignoring the screams, I’d rather that than see kids on loud devices.

Yeah YANBU.
Child with volume up on device = annoying
Adult having a conversation on speaker phone = more annoying
Both = I’m out the door.

Totally overused on MN I know but so SELFISH!

Think @TowandaForever needs to contact my ' team about the disability' if she thinks she's got a better alternative than the medical language.
Presumably simply you can frequent adult orientated cafes that are expected to be quiet. Parents with children that are going to make noise will choose nosier environments.

And that kind of underlines the point that you can't expect everyone to abide by imaginary 'rules' because everyone's situation is different.

It's not a child/parent issue, it's a rude adult issue. In fact, I see it far more with adults having calls/watching videos without headphones in public places. People skyping or video calling in public without headphones or endless youtube videos on busses/trains. Never ceases to shock me how they don't seem to realise how rude and loud it is. Those same people are the ones who then let their children do it too.

Our society is moving increasingly into the use of voice and images for engaging - eg shopping lists via Alexa vs writing it down on a notepad kept on the fridge. Or the way you can search for images or the way tv/movies etc are monetising product placement by experimenting with allowing you to click on a image and then buy. So accepting that there will be more of this around is something we should all do... but then we need to put in place new types of manners/etiquette to make it appropriate in public places.

I remember as a child the excitement/nervousness of being taken to a restaurant that was a bit smarter and where therefore children colouring wasn't allowed/enouraged. It's not unusual for norms and expectations to change according to situation and timing.

@TheSlayer

My children have life long conditions. I merely said I didn't like the word disabled.
I didn't say I didn't want/ expect the word used by other people.

Not sure why you need to respond the way you have......

I don’t give a shit if your child is on a tablet but if they’re not wearing headphones, I’ll judge you as a rude entitled areshole.

Please do. I will put headphones on and let you watch my autistic 6 yo meltdown because it’s touching his hair and ears.

Saying that, I keep his tablet at a low decibel and if he does turn it up loud, I do tell him to turn the tablet down and he does.

I also take him out to cafes and restaurants where I know it is the quietest and ask to be placed near the door in a corner so we aren’t disrupting others and if need be so we can leave quickly since certain noises upset himself.

I do wonder if the same people also complain about loud talkers and loud eaters who have more control of their noise than small children.

My son has a disability that means those things are difficult and he has a neurological condition that means he can't moderate his emotions

My dad has severe LD, so I appreciate that. I am speaking in general terms of my children. I could never, and still can't, take my DD into a cafe at all. She won't even sit down and she's 32

*him

My son's disability' means that sometimes no amount of 'trying' will calm him down.

I will never forget the first time I took him to the zoo. He was screaming due to muscle pain. A man with a same age baby turned around and tutted at me. Talking loudly about him 'screaming for milk'.
Who knows. Maybe she started a Mumsnet thread about it. She got to go home with her nt baby though and had made feel like shit.

That’s nothing……I was at hospital a week ago for a scan and appointment there is a waiting room that is central with all the various treatment and consultation rooms around the edge of the waiting room. Mum and Dad sat in the middle of the room with 2 children ages of about 2 & 7, Dad has phone on with a film playing for the kids except the kids weren’t watching the film…kids were running around the place and going in and out of all the treatment and consultation rooms. The nurse had to be the one to tell the children several times that they couldn’t go in the rooms and had to stay with mum and dad. Mum and dad said nothing to the kids, didn’t tell them off or even bother to look up when the nurse kept having to usher the kids out of the rooms, it was honestly unbelievable! When I came out of my appointment mum and dad were still there but kids were gone….I found them out in the corridor beyond a closed set of double doors playing with the buttons for the elevator.

I have 3 DC myself and I know it’s far from easy keeping kids entertained especially in say a boring hospital waiting room but you don’t just let the run them round the place making a nuisance to staff and patients…so rude!!!

@UrAWizHarry

This thread is literally showing why parents can't win.

Use an ipad? Oh no, children should be engaging with their parents.

Don't use an ipad? Oh no, children can't be shouting or screaming. They need something to keep them occupied.

If you are out in a public place you have to expect that other people are going to be there and potentially making noise. If it's not a phone it's going to be something else.

Obviously there are certain situations where things are expected e.g. headphones on public transport, not using phones etc in cinemas but in general you can't expect strict adherence to some nonsense moral code that you've invented.

No. This thread is showing that some people have a complete lack of consideration for others.

Most people really don't care if you use an iPad or if you engage with your child. However, most people do care if you have the volume on for a video or a game. Equally, they care if your child is shouting or screaming. Both behaviours are unsociable. Nobody expects silence but most people expect some level of consideration for others in a public place.

Options for a considerate person are:
1). Use iPad or other device with the volume turned off if the child is too young for headphones or with headphones if the child is old enough.
2). Deal with a child who is shouting or screaming in whatever way works best for you. That could be reading to them, playing a game with them, chatting with them, giving them a device, colouring etc. Take them outside if necessary.

Consideration for others is not a nonsense moral code that has been randomly invented. It's something that we should all be doing if we are living in a community.

I meant NT children, not my children

@TowandaForever because my son has a disability. A medical condition classified as disability. So yes I'm going to take umbrage when you imply it's a dirty word.
Additional needs doesn't cover it.
He's not officially handicapped.
He is disabled. With cerebral palsy.

I personally get annoyed when lone diners take up tables for 4 and spread their shit out; then start glaring at you when you ask for the three chairs they clearly aren’t using so you can shove your party of 4 around a 2 seater

I love how this thread has turned into “if you don’t want to listen to Peppa pig being blasted in a public place you’re a cunt who hates disabled people”.

There’s a lot of middle ground between “sitting still in complete silence” and “blaring game sound effects at 100 decibels” - people are not unreasonable to expect a bit of moderation in a non-child-focused public place.

"I have two children with additional needs ( they are not disabled!-awful word)."

My child ( teenager) is disabled although I tend to say has a disability. Additional needs doesn't convey the level of need.

@isitspringyet

Had to endure a three hour flight with this. Seems these days no one has much thought for anyone except themselves

I had it for a 12 hour flight - Peppa Pig on repeat. The parents thought this was entirely reasonable.

[quote TheSlayer]@TowandaForever because my son has a disability. A medical condition classified as disability. So yes I'm going to take umbrage when you imply it's a dirty word.
Additional needs doesn't cover it.
He's not officially handicapped.
He is disabled. With cerebral palsy.[/quote]
Yes and I didn't say I thought people shouldn't use that word etc.

You do whatever you like. You don't need to take umbrage with someone who hasn't said anything otherwise!

OP, I agree that if children are using tablets it should be quietly, with headphones if possible, to avoid disturbing others. I don't agree with those on here who say using tablets at cafes equates with poor parenting.

One of mine is autistic and has MH issues, but this wouldn't be obvious to the casual onlooker. He enjoys going to cafes occasionally as do his siblings, but being able to retreat with his ipad and headphones when it all becomes too much is a godsend. The tablet means the rest of the family can enjoy their meal knowing that he's not completely distressed and overwhelmed. It means we don't have to leave before we've finished eating.

It's not fair to expect everyone to behave like neurotypical Princess Charlotte. Our very rare days out always mean having an exit strategy in place for when things become too much. If you're lucky enough not to have to live like this, please don't judge others who are doing whatever it takes to keep their child calm and happy.

@TheSlayer

I didn't imply it was a dirty word either just that I didn't like it.

Do you always react like this to people who have different opinions than you?

All I am asking for is a little understanding that there could be more to it than just 'lazy parenting'.
We get judged every time we go out. Because at Ds age his disability is not as visible. It just adds to the mental load knowing people judge you.
And I'm a new mum using the terms I have been given by medical professionals. So any scolding me on using the wrong language is unnecessary. But I suspect that you missed that my own kid has a disability and thought it was a good opportunity to score points.
Maybe the parent in the op is being lazy. Maybe they have an by kid. The point is you can't tell by looking.