To find it annoying when parents let their children watch tablets in coffee shops with the volume turned up?

[Zippyzoppy]

Sat in a coffee shop just wanting to have a quiet few minutes to myself. Opposite is a Dad with his circa 4 year old who is playing games on a tablet which I can hear and is really distracting and spoiling my enjoyment of my coffee. Dad is on his iPhone.

Am I a miserable cow for finding this irritating?!

@Batsy - i'm one of the adults here who also has 'additional needs' in that i struggle with intrusive noise.. so while i can't make him keep his voice volume down (despite shushing) i do insist he keeps the sound on his youtube watching/games to himself.

So pretty much everyone, bar the occasional "devices are akin to crack cocaine for children" type, whose opinion I really wouldn't worry about, would agree that you are behaving considerately towards others and would have no problem with you or your child.

And people shouldn't be allowed to speak either. Might be awkward giving your order but maybe just point at what you want.

😂😂

I dislike intrusive noise, so i get the annoyance over people video watching/playing games.. but you don't go to those places to sit in silence, there is always ambient noise, phones ringing, machines hissing, microwaves/ovens beeping (even in costa and starbucks when they're pressing buttons on the ovens or tills) till draws ringing, talking, rustling, chairs scraping, doors squeaking....etc.

This. Some common sense.

@Batsy

honestly.. can i just say, as a special needs mum, with my own sensory issues.

The ONLY place i can sit in complete silence, is on my own, in my own car.

I don't expect silence when i go sit in a coffee shop, as i'm usually with friends/kids and having a conversation/listening to my kids talk to me/among themselves.

I dislike intrusive noise, so i get the annoyance over people video watching/playing games.. but you don't go to those places to sit in silence, there is always ambient noise, phones ringing, machines hissing, microwaves/ovens beeping (even in costa and starbucks when they're pressing buttons on the ovens or tills) till draws ringing, talking, rustling, chairs scraping, doors squeaking....etc.

but you don't go to those places to sit in silence,

I don't think anyone expects silence and if they do, they are being totally unrealistic. All we want is consideration for others, while also showing consideration ourselves.

@rantymcrantface66

It's not just dc. I was in a nice, very small pub/restaurant with my dc this week (not on devices) and a couple who must have been in their 70's received a phone call. Instead of popping outside the woman answered, put the phone on to loud speaker and proceeded to have a lengthy (quite personal) phone conversation with her daughter, who am sure had not realised she was being broadcast to everyone in the premises. I was

Lack of consideration has no age barriers.

@Frankola

Whoever says it's lazy parenting is a tool to be honest.

1. You have no idea of the situation so absolutely no right to judge or make any assumptions

1. Were you a perfect parent yourself?

I agree headphones are much better in these situations. However, I take options like colouring books, activity books or the tablet and to me colouring books are the same as offering the tablet in these scenarios. The aim is to keep your child quiet and engaged?

Are people more upset by the noise or "lazy parenting"?

The noise!

Absolutely no one who has experience of parenting a young child can honestly, truly believe that constant interaction with your child is the only acceptable way to parent. Not only is is impractical, it's also I would argue potentially overstimulating and overwhelming for both parent and child. Not to mention completely unnecessary. There's a healthy middle ground between constant interaction and "lazy parenting" where you stick a child in front of a screen 24/7. Unfortunately some posters aren't able or willing to grasp this.

Of course that's entirely true. My dc are very independent and have been encouraged to entertain themselves at a young age, but in a restaurant or cafe that's one of the times you will need to make an effort (if the dc is too young for headphones and refuses to have the sound down) because no one wants the tinny sound of peppa pig to listen to or the annoying beeping from a game. Its consideration for others. The post isn't about tablet use being bad it's about having the sound on being bad. Unfortunately some posters aren't willing or able to grasp this.

@rantymcrantface66

Absolutely no one who has experience of parenting a young child can honestly, truly believe that constant interaction with your child is the only acceptable way to parent. Not only is is impractical, it's also I would argue potentially overstimulating and overwhelming for both parent and child. Not to mention completely unnecessary. There's a healthy middle ground between constant interaction and "lazy parenting" where you stick a child in front of a screen 24/7. Unfortunately some posters aren't able or willing to grasp this.

Of course that's entirely true. My dc are very independent and have been encouraged to entertain themselves at a young age, but in a restaurant or cafe that's one of the times you will need to make an effort (if the dc is too young for headphones and refuses to have the sound down) because no one wants the tinny sound of peppa pig to listen to or the annoying beeping from a game. Its consideration for others. The post isn't about tablet use being bad it's about having the sound on being bad. Unfortunately some posters aren't willing or able to grasp this.

Thank you - I can in fact grasp that. However, some posters have been critical of the use of technology in and of itself. It has been referred to as "lazy parenting", with comments such as "why don't you interact with your kid" etc. It was those such comments I was addressing.

A very, very small number of posters said they thought use of screens was inappropriate and poor parenting.

There were a fair few "using screens in cafes = poor/lazy parenting" comments on the first couple of pages after the OP though. They weren't just talking about the noise. I think that's been part of the trouble here and why people who do use screens - often with good reason - got upset and rushed to defend themselves. I absolutely agree that the noise be keep down (using headphones if at all possible or by muting the volume perhaps). Consideration should always be given to other cafe users.

Thank you - I can in fact grasp that. However, some posters have been critical of the use of technology in and of itself. It has been referred to as "lazy parenting", with comments such as "why don't you interact with your kid" etc. It was those such comments I was addressing.

I realised you could, it was the posters arguing both sides of the argument for and against tablets in general that don't seem to be able to grasp the actual point of the thread. I was one of the people that mentioned engaging with your child but it was specifically to a poster that said under 3's can't wear headphones. If your under 3 also won't watch with the sound down then yes you're going to have to make the effort, and let's face it, a tablet or phone is the easier option (which I for one am totally guilty of using with no shame).

@IrnBruAndTwiglets

Pretty disheartened by the unpleasantness and judginess on this thread. My wee one is nearly two and if we're out and she loses the plot I try all the tricks up my sleeve but my latest resort is - gasp! - peppa on my phone. Because d'you know why? The amount of tuts and side eye you get when your toddler cries in a cafe or restaurant is something else. And I try my best to be considerate, I know nobody wants to pay for a meal and listen to a meltdown. She won't tolerate headphones, a headband lasts about 3 seconds before it's launched. I won't be staying at home, not after the shitty year we've all had, because you don't want to hear a cartoon on low volume. It's like people who want the gentle birdsong that comes with living in a woodland glade but buy a terraced house . When you go out in public, other people including kids make noise. If you don't like it - why not stay at home or find a child free venue so you get the ambience you're after?

And I should teach my child the art of conversation at the table? Hahaha. I mean of course. Lots of engagement here. But when the shit hits the fan and I don't know, her chips are the wrong shape or something, it means you can carry on eating in peace, rather than your brain rattle with her crying. I really resent the implication that if you give a child a screen you're a disengaged parent.

Seems a lot of people agree with the 'I think you're a arsehole' comment. I'm not. I'm a good mum trying her best .

I can’t speak for everyone, @IrnBruAndTwiglets, but for me, the key part of this post is “….a cartoon on low volume….” - which sounds fine to me, and an reasonable compromise.

As I said yesterday - I don’t expect absolute silence in a restaurant or cafe - and the more ‘family friendly’ a place is, the more noise I expect - but if everyone does their best to be thoughtful of others AND tolerant towards others, then most people should be happy.

If I was eating somewhere really expensive or exclusive, I wouldn’t be happy about electronic noise/YouTube videos/cartoons, so if someone had taken their child to such a place, I would hope that, if a tablet or phone was necessary, it would be silent or used with headphones. But I don’t think many people who are lashing out on a really expensive meal are going to take a small child with them, because neither they nor the child is likely to have a good time.

I don't know whether YABU really as it's hard to know without being there and knowing the volume, how prolonged it was, etc.

I don't think this would bother me unless it was very loud. Somewhere fancy or a plane / closely seated area would be a different matter, but in a cafe, noise levels are often high. Yes it's probably lazy parenting but I have struggles with parenting and I try not to judge as long as the child isn't being hurt.

My dd has ASD and it used to be hard to keep her quiet in a cafe - but we went regularly and took little toys then pens and paper - she did learn to sit still. We never used devices in public places partly because she wouldn't have tolerated headphones due to sensory issues. She's 9 now and has only used headphones for the last year or so.

@LizzieAnt

A very, very small number of posters said they thought use of screens was inappropriate and poor parenting.

There were a fair few "using screens in cafes = poor/lazy parenting" comments on the first couple of pages after the OP though. They weren't just talking about the noise. I think that's been part of the trouble here and why people who do use screens - often with good reason - got upset and rushed to defend themselves. I absolutely agree that the noise be keep down (using headphones if at all possible or by muting the volume perhaps). Consideration should always be given to other cafe users.

There were only 3 or 4 posters on the first couple of pages who deemed use of screens to be lazy parents. There have been significantly more posters defending the use of devices with the volume turned on. Both attitudes unreasonable and inconsiderate of others to my mind.

There are always a few who'll make excuses, but it's always rude to make loud noise or allow your child to make loud noise in a public place where others have paid for the privilege to eat or drink.

If a child can't be entertained except with loud noise, can't wear headphones, etc., that child isn't yet ready to go places where a reasonable level of quiet is expected.

Yes, some adults make noise, too, and noisy adults can be rage-inducing, but that doesn't make noise from children any less annoying.

@mafted

Don't be so entitled as to expect everyone else to modify their behaviour for your happiness.

We do have to modify our behaviour in public though.
I might want to put my feet on the table in the cafe because I'm knackered and they're aching but I don't because I'm not at home.
My Children might want to start playing with the bouncy ball or the fart gun they've just bought while we're eating lunch in a cafe but I don't let them because we're not at home.
If my children messing about and getting loud I stop them. If they're getting fed up and keep messing about then we go. Would I prefer to stay and finish my drink, of course.

Agreed!

@rantymcrantface66 and then your kids probably feel hard done by because they're doing the right thing and not filling the train with sound!

Imagine if everyone in a local cafe started playing their iPad at mid volume and that tells us exactly how reasonable of an idea it is.

*@rantymcrantface66 and then your kids probably feel hard done by because they're doing the right thing and not filling the train with sound! *

Yes, we've actually had a situation where dd2 (the whinier one) forgot her headphones and was made to watch or play with no sound, then at the next stop a family gets on and sits down, both dc with iPads blaring. Dd found that mightily unfair so then I had to listen to both double iPad noise AND her whinging. That was a stressful train ride!

Wow. This is my number one pet peeve and always assumed parents had got so used to the noise of their children, that they've tuned out how disruptive is.

But from the replies here...people actually think it's okay to play iPads etc OUT LOUD because it's better than their kids screaming or running around. I'm really quite taken aback.

@OchonAgusOchonOh
Yes, sorry, what I meant really (but didn't express very clearly) is that often people don't RTFT, particularly when it's a long one, so those few posts at the start might have had a disproportionate influence on the comments.

[quote LizzieAnt]@OchonAgusOchonOh
Yes, sorry, what I meant really (but didn't express very clearly) is that often people don't RTFT, particularly when it's a long one, so those few posts at the start might have had a disproportionate influence on the comments.[/quote]
Yes . It can be frustrating to see posters frothing over an extreme point made by one or two people and ignoring the majority of much more reasonable posts. Then you have others seeing those responses and assuming the majority opinion is the extreme position and then they froth, and it all snowballs.

That's it

Grr
Ageee

those kind of comments are what upset those of us with disabled kids though.

A lot of us have spent our entire parenting experience being made to feel like we're inadequate parents who are somehow failing our kids.

When you've spent years being told by doctors, teachers, and other parents that maybe your parenting is the thing at fault, until someone said, no, actually they have XYZ wrong with them, its very hard to look past some twat on the internet declaring we're 'lazy' for utilising a tool that makes the often bloody thankless and difficult job of parening a disabled child that little bit easier.

I dont think ANY of us disagree that loud electronics are rude.. but what we VEHEMENTLY object to, is once again, being told by some stranger that has no bloody clue what our day to day life is like, that we're LAZY for wanting 5 minutes peace to drink a cup of coffee.

and if we don't challenge it, and explain why its not true, others might continue to believe it.

@Batsy

those kind of comments are what upset those of us with disabled kids though.

A lot of us have spent our entire parenting experience being made to feel like we're inadequate parents who are somehow failing our kids.

When you've spent years being told by doctors, teachers, and other parents that maybe your parenting is the thing at fault, until someone said, no, actually they have XYZ wrong with them, its very hard to look past some twat on the internet declaring we're 'lazy' for utilising a tool that makes the often bloody thankless and difficult job of parening a disabled child that little bit easier.

I dont think ANY of us disagree that loud electronics are rude.. but what we VEHEMENTLY object to, is once again, being told by some stranger that has no bloody clue what our day to day life is like, that we're LAZY for wanting 5 minutes peace to drink a cup of coffee.

I get that, but I think idiots like those are often best ignored as if nobody responds to them, their opinions will be just lost in the thread. I think the way this thread has gone has given their opinions more air time than they deserve and can make it appear that theirs is a more mainstream opinion than it actually is.

Most parents are doing their best and are considerate of others. Some are inconsiderate twats but I think many of those are inconsiderate twats when their children aren't with them too. Unfortunately, the ones we notice, and comment on, are the inconsiderate twats, as they are the ones affecting us.

I know it's probably not much use to you but I, and most other people, recognise that parenting a child who is disabled or who has additional needs is a really difficult job and I have huge respect and admiration for parents who are doing it, usually with wholly inadequate support.