To find it annoying when parents let their children watch tablets in coffee shops with the volume turned up?

[Zippyzoppy]

Sat in a coffee shop just wanting to have a quiet few minutes to myself. Opposite is a Dad with his circa 4 year old who is playing games on a tablet which I can hear and is really distracting and spoiling my enjoyment of my coffee. Dad is on his iPhone.

Am I a miserable cow for finding this irritating?!

Very easy to say you should take them out if you have a neurotypical kid.
If I were to leave everytime my son screamed etc we wouldn't go out.

I don’t give a shit if your child is on a tablet but if they’re not wearing headphones, I’ll judge you as a rude entitled areshole.

@UrAWizHarry

This thread is literally showing why parents can't win.

Use an ipad? Oh no, children should be engaging with their parents.

Don't use an ipad? Oh no, children can't be shouting or screaming. They need something to keep them occupied.

If you are out in a public place you have to expect that other people are going to be there and potentially making noise. If it's not a phone it's going to be something else.

Obviously there are certain situations where things are expected e.g. headphones on public transport, not using phones etc in cinemas but in general you can't expect strict adherence to some nonsense moral code that you've invented.

Exactly. Absolutely no patience or understanding of families who might have kids with disability either.

And oh the irony of op saying they're having a few quiet minutes to themselves.

Hope you don't have a kid with a disability op. A quiet few minutes to yourself doesn't exist in the Sen world.

You would be the same person complaining about kids crying, not sitting at their seat and making a fuss. Parents can't win these days. I don't bring my kids ipads our with me for dinner, cafes etc but I appreciate that there are some children and situations where this is the only way a child will sit at a table.

People need to give parents a break and stop judging as you don't know what they're up against.

P.s I don't agree with full volume, the volume shouldn't disrupt others in store.

Am I a lazy parent if I let my child colour in or read a book at the table? If so, why is it different?

It's quiet and it's developing fine motor movement or comprehension skills.

*I don’t give a shit if your child is on a tablet but if they’re not wearing headphones, I’ll judge you as a rude entitled areshole.

Yes. This.

Maybe it’s more peaceful all round for people to listen to the sound of whatever is playing on the iPad. Not sure why one person’s desire for silence should override all the other customers as presumably some of them are there to chat to friends and family.

If it’s unnecessarily loud then I can see why it’s irritating but otherwise it wouldn’t bother me.

There's a very big difference between having tab that's sound is turned down so there's very little noise disturbance, and what I commonly see with the sound turned right up so the whole building gets to listen to what the child is watching.

Also with children without SEN issues, I don't see why it has to be a choice of the noise from the tab or the noise from children running around screaming.

My SIL is a prime example. Both children are neurotypical, but from babies to get them to sit quietly at the table to eat, they've had a tab plonked In front of them. They've never been given the opportunity to learn how to behave at the table. So if you go out for a meal with them, they have a tab each, usually both watching different shit on full blast.

@Carrotinthesky

Am I a lazy parent if I let my child colour in or read a book at the table? If so, why is it different?

It's quiet and it's developing fine motor movement or comprehension skills.

My son has a disability that means those things are difficult and he has a neurological condition that means he can't moderate his emotions. So that particular activity will result in blood curdling screams and you'd no doubt tut at my parenting. Not all disability is visible. How about give parents a break?

It gives me the absolute RAGE!!

a) It's shows a complete disregard for other people and a huge sense of entitlement

b) I feel sorry for the child - unfortunately it's typically one child IME and I always think they must spend their existence with little interaction from their parents

I've never said anything though - just given the evils!

Yanbu

Am I a miserable cow for finding this irritating?!

Not at all. The father is a bad parent at that point, not engaging with his DC and being rude to everyone else in the café at the same time.

AgentProvocateur

I don’t give a shit if your child is on a tablet but if they’re not wearing headphones, I’ll judge you as a rude entitled areshole.

Absolutely this!!

And to the poster saying kids under 3 can't wear headphones, that's bollox. We took a long flight with our twins before they were 3, so we bought them tablets specifically for the flight and had them practice with their headphones before hand.

They knew that no headphones meant no sound.

They did stickers, colouring in and a whole host of other things (before I'm accused of simply shoving them on tablets for 8 hours) but when they used their tablets it was headphones or on silent.

Don't use an ipad? Oh no, children can't be shouting or screaming. They need something to keep them occupied

Well, yes they do. It doesn't have to be an iPad.

IME, young children find sitting in cafés extremely boring, once they've finished eating or drinking. It's an adult indulgence that one just has to forego when with one's DC, until they're old enough to behave, or even better - appreciate the treat.

You know, it is possible just not to go with children to cafes if they aren’t up to being quiet. Wait until they are.

@TheSlayer

And oh the irony of op saying they're having a few quiet minutes to themselves.

Hope you don't have a kid with a disability op. A quiet few minutes to yourself doesn't exist in the Sen world.

I have two children with additional needs ( they are not disabled!-awful word).

It doesn't mean I think children should use tablets without earphones.

@oneglassandpuzzled

You know, it is possible just not to go with children to cafes if they aren’t up to being quiet. Wait until they are.

And if your child's disability is lifelong. What then?

That’s different. But most children do not fall into this category.

My child is disabled. He has cerebral palsy. What am I expected to call it. It's a lifelong, motor and neuro limiting condition. Look it up.

But my child's condition is mild so can be missed in certain situations. So it could very well be a child with similar needs. Invisible disability exists and is not as rare as you think. 1 in 300-400 babies born with cp. Autism much higher.
The point is you don't know just by looking so a little less judgement wouldn't go amiss.

@oneglassandpuzzled

You know, it is possible just not to go with children to cafes if they aren’t up to being quiet. Wait until they are.

Ah, the privilege of having a NT child.

Yes, along with the privilege of being able to describe your child as 'additional needs'.
My child is disabled by classification. He is unable to partake in a normal quality of life without input from professionals. It's lifelong.
So I will use the word disabled because that's what he is. He is not severe enough to be handicapped and he's not mild enough to have 'additional needs'.

Disability doesn't automatically make this okay, though. What works for one could make things worse for someone else. What happens if a child is using a tablet on loud, and it sets a third person off into meltdown?

I'm overly sound sensitive due to my asd, and it's far from rare. I expect chatter in a cafe and can deal with it. Peppa pig at top volume on the next table could tip me over into meltdown.

PS disabled isn't a bad word

I didn’t say that my children were neurotypical. One of them is not.