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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it annoying when parents let their children watch tablets in coffee shops with the volume turned up?

570 replies

Zippyzoppy · 28/07/2021 10:36

Sat in a coffee shop just wanting to have a quiet few minutes to myself. Opposite is a Dad with his circa 4 year old who is playing games on a tablet which I can hear and is really distracting and spoiling my enjoyment of my coffee. Dad is on his iPhone.

Am I a miserable cow for finding this irritating?!

OP posts:
itsgettingwierd · 28/07/2021 20:07

@TheSlayer

And oh the irony of op saying they're having a few quiet minutes to themselves.

Hope you don't have a kid with a disability op. A quiet few minutes to yourself doesn't exist in the Sen world.

Parenting a child with a disability is hard.

I get that. I've done it alone for 15 years.

But I don't agree that that gives me the right to curtail others enjoyment of an environment.

If ds is disturbing others then he's not happy and it's not fair on him as much as someone else.

And no - he didn't choose to have a disability but that doesn't mean the fact he does means he has the right to lessen others enjoyment.

If a child needs an iPad to keep them settled then use it. I did.
But use it at a suitable volume for the environment or use headphones.

enoughforme · 28/07/2021 20:50

YABU,

How do you know that's not the one hour of the whole week and the only hour the child watches the tablet?

Just because It's in a coffee shop does that mean it's any more lazy than watching a tablet at home? In which case should tablets be banned period from kids at all times?

Also, what's the issue if the volume is a reasonable level. It's the same as people chatting. If the volume is excessive then that's entirely different story

justasking111 · 28/07/2021 21:13

With the fashion for hard surfaces, no drapes, uncarpeted flooring, the noise in some establishments created just by talking, eating moving chairs is intrusive. They're like echo chambers. I avoid them. I have a damaged ear some noises actually are unbearable

Macncheeseballs · 28/07/2021 21:24

Enoughforme - no it is not the same as people chatting, electronic noise is very different, just don't impose your personal music/games/movies whatever on others. People need to chat.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 28/07/2021 21:24

@enoughforme

YABU,

How do you know that's not the one hour of the whole week and the only hour the child watches the tablet?

Just because It's in a coffee shop does that mean it's any more lazy than watching a tablet at home? In which case should tablets be banned period from kids at all times?

Also, what's the issue if the volume is a reasonable level. It's the same as people chatting. If the volume is excessive then that's entirely different story

There is a massive difference between noise from devices and chatting. The pitch is often more jarring. Noise from electronic games is particularly annoying and is completely unnecessary.
Carrotinthesky · 28/07/2021 21:40

Are people more upset by the noise or "lazy parenting"?

Absolutely the noise.

Quietcrown · 28/07/2021 21:45

Yanbu - I hate listening to the noise from tablets, phones etc. This is why they make headphones in kids sizes!

Macncheeseballs · 28/07/2021 21:45

Instead of 'a little less judgement of props', how about a litte more consideration of others, why should just one kid watching Peppa pig affect several trying to relax

movingadviceneeded · 28/07/2021 21:47

Christ. Some right wankers on here.

wordsareveryunnecessary · 28/07/2021 22:02

I agree OP. Coffee shop is my one quiet place. To read. I don't want to listen to kids programmes. Kids can go to parks and soft play. Not coffee shops

OchonAgusOchonOh · 28/07/2021 22:03

@movingadviceneeded - Christ. Some right wankers on here.

Yeah. It's hard to believe so many think it's acceptable to have devices blaring in cafes and restaurants.

Original poster
Zippyzoppy · 28/07/2021 22:05

Dare I mention the fact that the kid also had his feet on the furniture too or should I start a new thread on that one?
😂

OP posts:
AudacityBaby · 28/07/2021 22:07

I would really like to know where all these quiet spaces that aren’t child friendly are, too, for those saying there are plenty of places for neurodiverse adults to go…

Carrotinthesky · 28/07/2021 22:07

But I'm not stopping my child taking part in society because some people don't like the noise he makes etc. And with the best will in the world, he is going to irritate some people. He screams when in pain

I'm the parent of a daughter with severe LD. She's doubly incontinent and non-verbal and. like your child possibly, makes a hell a lot of noise when she's not happy. And even when she is.

I really don't think this is what is being discussed here, and I've had 32 years of practise in taking her out to cafes and the like. It never ends well. She actually really dislikes cafes and restaurants and won't stop shrieking until cake comes along or we take her out.

I don't feel this thread is about me at all. It's about parents of NT children playing loud tech in public places. It's rude. It's increasingly prevalent, and not all of it can be put down to a special need.

Carrotinthesky · 28/07/2021 22:15

And there is a massive difference between the noises from iPads and similar and a child with disabilities expressing their happiness via a noisy stim or whatever

Precisely. I think this is getting lost amongst the noise, so to speak.
It's the bloody noisy beeping repetetive tech noise on a loop that is so unnatural for our ears and brains to process. It can feel like torture when you're not in control of it. I've had to leave places and change train carriages to get away from it, sometimes from multiple sources around me. It scrambles my thoughts and I know I'm not alone in this.

CandyLeBonBon · 28/07/2021 22:30

@Zippyzoppy

Dare I mention the fact that the kid also had his feet on the furniture too or should I start a new thread on that one? 😂
Oh give over op.
CandyLeBonBon · 28/07/2021 22:31

@wordsareveryunnecessary

I agree OP. Coffee shop is my one quiet place. To read. I don't want to listen to kids programmes. Kids can go to parks and soft play. Not coffee shops
Nope. Last time I checked, kids can go to coffee shops too! Sorry.
Original poster
Zippyzoppy · 28/07/2021 22:32

@CandyLeBonBon

Fair enough!!

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 28/07/2021 22:36

[quote Zippyzoppy]@CandyLeBonBon

Fair enough!![/quote]
Yeah. Too soon! 😂

Kaboomba · 28/07/2021 22:36

If you want peace and quiet do it in your own house not in a public place.

So much judgement on this thread! Maybe that dad just wanted a half to himself where he didn't need to deal with a screaming kid or entertaining them.

My child gets an iPad when he goes in to this kind of setting because it's his coping mechanism, he has autism and can't wear headphones due to sensory overload. Would you prefer I kept him home so you weren't disturb with a little iPad noise?

CandyLeBonBon · 28/07/2021 22:38

I think we can all take from this thread that we probably ALL need to be a bit more tolerant and less quick to judge

BogRollBOGOF · 28/07/2021 22:56

I get enough ipad noise at home. My DCs know that when we are out, that it's earphones or silent if we have tablets out which I tend to avoid. I avoid triggering DS's sensory overload by being mindful about where we go and how long we linger. I've cut short countless meals out because DS had exceeded his capacity to cope and it wasn't fair on anyone to linger. That was mainly years before his autism diagnosis when I just wondered why I had such a sensitive, tantrumy young child, but it can still occur years later.

If I wanted to listen to Peppa (bloody) Pig or any other tinny children's noise, I'd put it on for myself at home. I don't go out into adult spaces to listen to it, and if I have my DCs with me, I'm doing my best to manage them in a civilised way to not inconvenience everyone else.

Most children do not have hidden disabilities and generally the least considerate parents have NT children.
I'm not fazed by ND behaviour of tics or pre-verbal noises. They are not concious choices, and I'd politely ignore. If they were aggravating DS's senses then I'd take him off for a break. However ipad noise that can be heard beyond the immediate area is inconsiderate to others in the area.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 28/07/2021 22:58

@Kaboomba

If you want peace and quiet do it in your own house not in a public place.

So much judgement on this thread! Maybe that dad just wanted a half to himself where he didn't need to deal with a screaming kid or entertaining them.

My child gets an iPad when he goes in to this kind of setting because it's his coping mechanism, he has autism and can't wear headphones due to sensory overload. Would you prefer I kept him home so you weren't disturb with a little iPad noise?

Right, so it's ok for the dad to want half an hour's peace (at everyone else's expense), but not ok for all the other customers to want any peace? If you believe that people who want peace and quiet should stay at home, why doesn't this apply to parents too?

And you letting your child use a screen without headphones in public is phenomenally selfish towards kids who can't cope with auditory overload and to anyone with hearing loss - background noise from devices makes it impossible for them to hear.

I haven't seen a single justification for using screens without headphones that isn't selfish and entitled.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 28/07/2021 23:01

@wordsareveryunnecessary

I agree OP. Coffee shop is my one quiet place. To read. I don't want to listen to kids programmes. Kids can go to parks and soft play. Not coffee shops
Yup.

I see parents on SM whinging about cafes and restaurants banning children: this shit is why.

Dee1975 · 28/07/2021 23:04

Completely agree op. It’s just rude!!