To find it annoying when parents let their children watch tablets in coffee shops with the volume turned up?

[Zippyzoppy]

Sat in a coffee shop just wanting to have a quiet few minutes to myself. Opposite is a Dad with his circa 4 year old who is playing games on a tablet which I can hear and is really distracting and spoiling my enjoyment of my coffee. Dad is on his iPhone.

Am I a miserable cow for finding this irritating?!

I adore being her mum, it's the best thing I've done and she's a joy. But ffs, I haven't morphed into a toddler myself. The park, sitting in the garden, the local beach, its good fun and age appropriate for her. But gees, I get a lot from meeting say my sister for a coffee. If having a baby means you're not welcome in cafes or restaurants for x amount of years to you then wow, big round of applause for wanting to limit women socially.

I don't want anyone to stay at home. That's my point. I take umbrage at the suggestion that I should and simply turned it on it's head to see how it made you feel. And it was predictable. Oh so IIII should stay at home?! It's not a competition. People outside your front door make noise. I'm suggesting making peace with that before venturing out. Or (again to turn it on it's head), you choose an age appropriate place to have a naice adult conversation much like it's been suggested parents of toddlers stick to say soft play. You go in somewhere on the basis they welcome all ages, but moan about it. Could take it up with the business, or open a cafe and bask in the civilised hum of chat from every table.

I'm paying the same money as you. Your want to eat and not hear noise above so many decibels doesn't trump my wants...doesn't trump your wants...doesn't trump mine. If you're sitting there letting it ruin your experience, that's up to you. Don't be so entitled as to expect everyone else to modify their behaviour for your happiness. If a stranger is still pissed off when it's down low, then that's up to them.

@IrnBruAndTwiglets

Nailed it in your most recent post - you've articulated my own thoughts far better than I've been able to on this thread!

"If having a baby means you're not welcome in cafes or restaurants for x amount of years to you then wow, big round of applause for wanting to limit women socially."

A round of applause for wanting to limit some disabled people socially who by the way can be children not adults.

Don’t be so entitled as to expect to not have to show basic social manners like keeping volume to a reasonable level for the place and not adding things like iPad noises to the mix.

When we are in public we all have to behave in a way which shows consideration to others. To do otherwise is selfish.

And to limit their parents too of course.

The noisest place I ever went to was serving bottomless brunches. It was like half a dozen hen parties all in one location. The place was buzzing. Fun to people watch 😂

Don't be so entitled as to expect everyone else to modify their behaviour for your happiness.

We do have to modify our behaviour in public though.
I might want to put my feet on the table in the cafe because I'm knackered and they're aching but I don't because I'm not at home.
My Children might want to start playing with the bouncy ball or the fart gun they've just bought while we're eating lunch in a cafe but I don't let them because we're not at home.
If my children messing about and getting loud I stop them. If they're getting fed up and keep messing about then we go. Would I prefer to stay and finish my drink, of course.

@Carrotinthesky

But I'm not stopping my child taking part in society because some people don't like the noise he makes etc. And with the best will in the world, he is going to irritate some people. He screams when in pain

I'm the parent of a daughter with severe LD. She's doubly incontinent and non-verbal and. like your child possibly, makes a hell a lot of noise when she's not happy. And even when she is.

I really don't think this is what is being discussed here, and I've had 32 years of practise in taking her out to cafes and the like. It never ends well. She actually really dislikes cafes and restaurants and won't stop shrieking until cake comes along or we take her out.

I don't feel this thread is about me at all. It's about parents of NT children playing loud tech in public places. It's rude. It's increasingly prevalent, and not all of it can be put down to a special need.

Well actually it is happening to me. The zoo, cafes etc because. People expect me to 'do something' to stop the screaming. I often can't. People expecting children to sit up at the table. He can't. We don't use an iPad, but have twinkly and beepy toys we use- said to be unacceptable.

And my son's disability is mostly invisible in that situation. It looks like a naughty child.
And as I said, I will probably use headphones myself when he gets older, but the judgement for merely using such a device, or for using a toy that makes noise is unreal.
I'm not getting 'deliberately mixed up' I'm seeing similarities in the op to my life. My child looks just like a ' naughty' child and people thinking me giving him a noisy toy whilst I wolf down some food is lazy parenting.

I agree it has to be a bit of give and take on both sides, but you can only do what is humanely possible.

I don't expect or want children to have to be quiet. I do want a phone or an iPad they are playing on to be quiet. That's all.

oh dear..

i just LOVE the assumption that handing my child his tablet in a coffee shop or waiting room means i don't want to 'engage' with him.

FFS.. he's disabled, i'm his carer, i'm 'engaging' with him the ENTIRE time we're in public, because i can't withdraw my attention from him for a second.

So forgive me, if for 10 minutes in a coffee shop i hand him his tablet to occupy him, so i can drive my coffee and passively supervise him in relative quiet, instead of having to actively 'engage' him.

drive? drink.. autocorrect is drunk xD

This thread is depressingly predictable. OP simply says, not unreasonably, that the noise of tablets is irritating.

Thread turns into a load of judgy nonsense from horrified perfect parents aghast that a child even knows what a screen is (YOU WON'T SEE THE FUTURE KING AND HIS SPARE SIBLINGS DO THIS).

"Don't be so entitled as to expect everyone else to modify their behaviour for your happiness."

Everyone is expected to modify their behaviour in public places. Even ds who is teenage but is cognitively similar to a 1 year old. There are lots of things he can do at home but is stopped from doing in public or is removed if he doesn't stop. If he is expected to then so can you.

Genuinely cannot believe how many people seem to think that it's reasonable to play children's TV shows out loud in a public space. Are you also the people who play music on your phones? Obviously using an iPad is fine and totally your choice, no judgement there, but you REALLY think that it's okay to play Peppa Pig in the middle of a restaurant, train or cafe? REALLY?

Also someone asked me earlier why I don't just take coffee to go and walk around the park if it bothers me, which illustrated a really magical level of entitlement, given that I'm almost literally silent when I sit in a cafe.

As lots of other people have said: if your child is old enough for a screen, they're old enough for headphones. If you absolutely cannot manage without a screen and you can't use headphones, at least have the good grace to apologise to the people around you.

@BluebellCockleshell123

This is one of my absolute pet hates! Headphones should be obligatory in all public spaces.

I’ve asked people to turn down the volume before though and some people do tend to get aggressive/defensive. It seems that the people who do this generally are pretty anti social anyway.

I’d suggest having a word with the cafe staff. And if they don’t do anything about it then maybe play some music from your own phone to annoy them back.

And people shouldn't be allowed to speak either. Might be awkward giving your order but maybe just point at what you want.

@chunderwunder

This thread is depressingly predictable. OP simply says, not unreasonably, that the noise of tablets is irritating.

Thread turns into a load of judgy nonsense from horrified perfect parents aghast that a child even knows what a screen is (YOU WON'T SEE THE FUTURE KING AND HIS SPARE SIBLINGS DO THIS).

I think the vast majority on here are objecting to inappropriate use of devices, so devices being used with the volume turned up so that it can be heard by others. Electronic noises are generally quite jarring so either use headphones or turn the volume off.

A very, very small number of posters said they thought use of screens was inappropriate and poor parenting. Then a huge number of people jumped on insisting that it wasn't and that they are perfectly entitled to use devices and it is no reflection on their parenting skills.

Yes, they are perfectly entitled to use screens and no, it is not a reflection on their parenting skills. However, if they are using these devices in a way that unreasonably impinges on others people's enjoyment (e.g. volume turned up so it can be heard above the ambient noise) then it reflects on their social skills. A bit of consideration for others is an important social skill.

@ufucoffee

I don't expect or want children to have to be quiet. I do want a phone or an iPad they are playing on to be quiet. That's all.

That's it in a nutshell.

It's not just dc. I was in a nice, very small pub/restaurant with my dc this week (not on devices) and a couple who must have been in their 70's received a phone call. Instead of popping outside the woman answered, put the phone on to loud speaker and proceeded to have a lengthy (quite personal) phone conversation with her daughter, who am sure had not realised she was being broadcast to everyone in the premises. I was

Again, can everyone suggesting adults who have sensory issues stick to "age-appropriate" places if they're bothered by electronic music and beeping let us know what these places are? Apparently coffee shops aren't one of them. I really would like to know - would solve so many issues.

@Erysimium

Children under 3 can’t wear headphones. Imo music is better than screaming. I agree older kids should be wearing headphones though.

To be fair children under 3 shouldn't really be getting plugged in to devices either. Plenty to engage them or have it on silent at least

So forgive me, if for 10 minutes in a coffee shop i hand him his tablet to occupy him, so i can drive my coffee and passively supervise him in relative quiet, instead of having to actively 'engage' him.

But do you have the sound on full volume though? Or do you use headphones/have it on silent?

Genuinely cannot believe how many people seem to think that it's reasonable to play children's TV shows out loud in a public space. Are you also the people who play music on your phones? Obviously using an iPad is fine and totally your choice, no judgement there, but you REALLY think that it's okay to play Peppa Pig in the middle of a restaurant, train or cafe? REALLY?

Well we know people think it's reasonable as we all witness it all too regularly. It is these mumsnetters we are seeing (or hearing down the train carriage - and cursing while my own dc sit with their devices with headphones on or sound off)

@rantymcrantface66

So forgive me, if for 10 minutes in a coffee shop i hand him his tablet to occupy him, so i can drive my coffee and passively supervise him in relative quiet, instead of having to actively 'engage' him.

But do you have the sound on full volume though? Or do you use headphones/have it on silent?

as i said upthread, he's made to keep it down quiet.

i'm one of the adults here who also has 'additional needs' in that i struggle with intrusive noise.. so while i can't make him keep his voice volume down (despite shushing) i do insist he keeps the sound on his youtube watching/games to himself.

@AudacityBaby

Again, can everyone suggesting adults who have sensory issues stick to "age-appropriate" places if they're bothered by electronic music and beeping let us know what these places are? Apparently coffee shops aren't one of them. I really would like to know - would solve so many issues.

I don’t think they exist, and it wouldn’t help the issue for the children who struggle either.

We pick where we take DS carefully. We would never take him to a wacky warehouse type place because he can’t cope. We will take him to small local pubs and cafes which are generally quiet and have lots of small areas so the sensory input isn’t too much. But sadly we can’t control what others do when they are in there!

It’s sad that some people see their child’s right to be play on noisy games in public should override everyone else’s right to a quiet/chilled environment where they can have a quiet chat or whatever. I don’t care what others do as long as they make an effort to minimise the impact on others and act in an appropriate way for the setting.

honestly.. can i just say, as a special needs mum, with my own sensory issues.

The ONLY place i can sit in complete silence, is on my own, in my own car.

I don't expect silence when i go sit in a coffee shop, as i'm usually with friends/kids and having a conversation/listening to my kids talk to me/among themselves.

I dislike intrusive noise, so i get the annoyance over people video watching/playing games.. but you don't go to those places to sit in silence, there is always ambient noise, phones ringing, machines hissing, microwaves/ovens beeping (even in costa and starbucks when they're pressing buttons on the ovens or tills) till draws ringing, talking, rustling, chairs scraping, doors squeaking....etc.