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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a baby at 36

202 replies

Hg176 · 27/07/2021 20:13

In a stable, loving relationship and want to have a baby. Just turned 36 in July. This wasn’t really on the cards before as I’ve been so career focused.

I’m worried I’ve left it too late and everything around ‘geriatric’ pregnancy is scaring the life out of me! AIBU?

OP posts:
SusannahSophia · 27/07/2021 22:33

32, 34 and 37 having my 3 and the only reason number 3 pregnancy was harder was having two small children to look after. Go for it, OP.

Kona84 · 27/07/2021 22:34

I got pregnant at 36 and am now 37 due in October. I also thought anyone over 35 would be geriatric but nope not until early 40’s are you considered geriatric

Travielkapelka · 27/07/2021 22:36

I had a baby at 36. It didn’t occur to me rhar it was anything other than a totally normal and actually ideal age

MissCaptain · 27/07/2021 22:37

Definitely not too late. I had my first at 33. We’d been married 3 years but weren’t ready to start a family at that point - we were enjoying two very healthy salaries and shocked at the lifestyle changes of friends starting families - it was an unplanned pregnancy. Second at 35 - very, very planned. Surprise third at 39 - completely unexpected. I got sterilised during the planned c-section for the third otherwise I fear I might have ended up with a football team - 52 now and still as regular as clockwork - pretty much the only one of my friends not on HRT.

Siameasy · 27/07/2021 22:37

Go for it I had my first at 38.

BraveBananaBadge · 27/07/2021 22:40

Also never had any issue with age (36 and 39). The other thing which can be a misconception is the assumption parenthood as a whole will be more knackering, but I'm fairly sure if I'd have started ten years earlier the energy levels wouldn't have been much different.

Travielkapelka · 27/07/2021 22:43

I wasn’t even slightly more knackered at 36 than I was at 28 with my first. To be fair I’m not even any more knackered now I’m in my late 40’s

Greenrubber · 27/07/2021 22:44

I had my first at 36 and I'm due this September at 40!
I went private and got the harmony test with both pregnancies

Although both pregnancies have been straight forward (so far) it took me a long time to conceive the 2nd time round and I had 2 miscarriages before this pregnancy

Which I think is just put down to age so don't leave it too long

I don't feel old at all but won't be having anymore I hate being pregnant with a small child I feel like she's missing out as I can't run about like I would normally but it will be worth it!

Good luck

FailingMotherhood · 27/07/2021 22:45

I was 36 when I had my first, also classed as high risk due to being a bit hefty with a rubbish thyroid.

Apart from some SPD, I had a textbook pregnancy and easy (well, as easy as it gets, I imagine). 3.5 hours from start of labour to popping the sprog, only a minor tear. Back up and about almost immediately, no negative long term effects.

Being 'geriatric' doesn't mean things will go wrong, just as being younger is no guarantee of an easy pregnancy or birth

Gintime74 · 27/07/2021 22:46

Dc 4 was born when I was 39, no big deal, I felt healthy and was active. I don’t stand out at the school gates, many of the parents seem to be similar ages.

superhappymagicforest · 27/07/2021 22:46

I had my first at 36 and my second at 39. Go for it!!

Echobelly · 27/07/2021 22:47

It's fine - the whole 'conceiving will be really hard after 35' comes from data that is literally 300 years old and not the case at all. Don't feel you have to problematise it and jump through all kinds of hoops to conceive, the chances are you will do just find trying without intervention or stressing yourself out about cycles and fertile windows etc. Good luck.

Demortuisnilnisibonum · 27/07/2021 22:48

That’s the age I had my DD! Wasn’t ready before that. It was and is the perfect time - she is now 16. I thought I would feel old amongst the other parents, but I never did. There were quite a few mums around my age and older. Wasn’t Meghan Markle 37 when she married Harry? If you’re healthy and it feels right, go for it! Best decision I ever made Smile

deste · 27/07/2021 22:49

I was 36 when I had my DD, she is now 35.

Midwife1997 · 27/07/2021 22:53

Hg - just try for a baby; you are not too old, believe me. Follow your heart on this one.

Midwife

Clearthinking · 27/07/2021 23:05

Crack on! Another who had one at 36. Must have encouraged sis in law as she did the same.

gumball37 · 28/07/2021 01:18

Go for it. I had my second and third at 35 and 37. They were both healthier pregnancies than my first at 25

Saoirse82 · 28/07/2021 02:00

I'm 24 weeks pregnant with my first and I'll be 39 when the baby is born. I had unexplained fertility issues when I was in my early 30s and we did ivf 5 years ago which ended in miscarriage. We put ttc on the back burner as it was never our be all and end all, it was only when my friend who has many many fertility issues (told pregnancy would be impossible without ivf) told me she was pregnant at age 39 naturally after not using birth control for 10 plus years that made me think we ought to try again and 2 months later I was pregnant myself! So what I'm saying is age is just a factor in fertility my ds caught first month aged 36. If you want a baby you are definitely not too old, good luck!

TwinsandTrifle · 28/07/2021 02:18

@Hg176 this is the youngest you're ever going to be. Do you want children? If yes, then go for it, because it's not like you can change your current age that will only ever increase.

I know that sounds harsh, but the risks are only minorly increased at 36. Bit more at 37. Bit more at 38. You see where I'm going with this.

I had my last pregnancy at 36. Twins. Nothing to note other than i'm way more tired than I was at 25 when I had DS. Although that's down to a lot of crap happening in my life, as opposed to caused by the twins, I think.

KitKatKong · 28/07/2021 02:21

I just had my first baby a month after I turned 37. I'd say start trying now as if there are issues, you can get them diagnosed ASAP and have time for IVF (etc) if needed. It's not too late!

Aquamarine1029 · 28/07/2021 02:22

If you want a baby, don't waste another second.

HornungTheHelpful · 28/07/2021 02:42

I agree with what’s said above - not too old. I’m currently 36 weeks with No 3 at 39 having had numbers 1 and 2 at 35 and 37 (husband has fertility issues following an infection so took a while plus IVF). This has been my healthiest pregnancy by far (though currently in hospital being monitored for signs of early labour 🤦🏼‍♀️). Have been more tired but have 2 small children, husband stuck abroad a lot due to travel restrictions and at crucial stage career-wise. The only way to know if it is too late for you is to try. Career-wise there is no good time you just have to do what you can and accept it may slow you down, but that is for a finite period - you will get back on track

sheusesmagazines · 28/07/2021 05:36

The word “geriatric pregnancy” has never been uttered to me by the midwives. 1st baby at 37 and no extra care needed due to my age. Now pregnant at age 40 and only difference is extra GD tests and one phone call with the consultant. Not a big deal at all and super common.

SusieSusieSoo · 28/07/2021 06:41

My mum had me & dsis at age 34 & 39 (1970's) I had ds at 40x dsis had hers at 34&36 - go for it op xx

Mousetown · 28/07/2021 06:45

@senoritarita

Geriatric is over 40 now
It’s not. Over 40 is “advanced maternal age” No one uses the term geriatric anymore.
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