Is my friend a bit sly? Aibu?

[sallybreads]

Ok il start by saying I know this is so unimportant and I won't exactly loose sleep over it but it has made me question if maybe I'm too nice for my own good sometimes.

Last year I was doing okay for money and my friend was struggling so I would help her out a lot (that's what friends do and I wasn't expecting a thing back )

We both love autumn /winter and love Halloween and Christmas.
We both loved a autumn duvet cover but she couldn't afford it so I bought each of us one.
Then I did the same for the Xmas duvet set.
I didn't want the money back,it was just a gift.
I wouldn't of felt right buying myself one and not her ..not when I knew she loved it.

Anyway this year I'm struggling with cash having lost my job earlier this year and started a new job which pays a bit less.
Me and her both loved the new autumn duvet set and we both wanted it..I said I don't get paid till end of the month so fingers crossed it's still in stock.
It was selling out fast ..so my friend ordered hers.
Then rang me to tell me and hoped I didn't mind.
The roles are now reversed and she's doing good with money.
Yet didn't think of getting mine for me and I would have paid her back at the end of the month.

It's not even really about a stupid quilt cover ..it's the fact that she clearly has just thought of number 1.
I feel a bit like a mug.
Aibu ?

@CustardySergeant same, different togs of duvet to go inside covers I understand, and heavier/ lighter weight bedspreads. It was the seasonal bedsheets that perplexed me, let alone the desire to replace them annually!

OP please don't be hurt by the responses. 99% of people here just want you to open your eyes to your "friend". The other 1% sarcastic sods can be ignored.
This friendship is a one way street. She doesn't ask for things but gives you the silent treatment if you don't buy her stuff. It's not normal to pay out the amount you have on non essential stuff for her, and you can't really afford it. If she was a real friend she would refuse them, not sulk if she doesn't get them. You really need to start saying no to her. I'm glad you are finally seeing her for what she is, and of course you are hurt. You thought she was your friend. But now it's time for her to step up, well it's clear she only cares for herself. It's time to find yourself some real friends.

Are you generally insecure or have low self esteem? Why do you feel you have to shower a person with gifts in order to be their friend?

It's not what friends do to spend loads on someone. It's what friends do to treat them to lunch once in a while, or take them out for a coffee. Not buy multiple bedding sets.

I think you're the outlier here, OP. You need to keep a closer eye on your finances and not be giving so much away.

Stop buying her things, stop offering to do things that she won't do in return and go halves whenever you go out to eat. And stop wasting your money on seasonal shite.

Adele and Mr Dylan have nowt on me. Nowt I tell thee. Feel my love Maireas. - g’wan g’wan gwan.

I give you an autumnal Aiden. You are welcome x

@SheldonesqueTheBstard

Adele and Mr Dylan have nowt on me. Nowt I tell thee. Feel my love Maireas. - g’wan g’wan gwan.

I give you an autumnal Aiden. You are welcome x

Oh. My. God. 😍😍😍 I think I can hear the angels singing!

@sallybreads I think you've been a good friend and have treated her to lots of nice things and it does hurt when you realise that isnt reciprocated.

Maybe she threw her tempers when you bought stuff because she wanted you to feel guilty and buy for her as well.

But lesson learned. There is nothing wrong with treating friends to nice things, but it sounds like she began to take advantage of your generosity.

Also, side note. Where are your duvets from? I love a nice duvet.

I have wonderful Seasonal duvets.. and I love them all 💕

Just noticed a hole in my duvet cover today. I didn’t give it a second thought before that… it appears mine is not “seasonal” either…

[quote SpnBaby1967]@sallybreads I think you've been a good friend and have treated her to lots of nice things and it does hurt when you realise that isnt reciprocated.

Maybe she threw her tempers when you bought stuff because she wanted you to feel guilty and buy for her as well.

But lesson learned. There is nothing wrong with treating friends to nice things, but it sounds like she began to take advantage of your generosity.

Also, side note. Where are your duvets from? I love a nice duvet. [/quote]
If you only read one more post OP, read this one! 😊😊😊

@sallybreads

Like I said it's not about a duvet cover. It's about the fact she expected me to help her out ..yet can't show me the same courtesy back.

It doesn’t sound like she ‘expected’ it.

What on earth is an autumn duvet cover?
And why do you need it?

I honestly have never even heard of that, the concept seems insane.

WTF IS A SEASONAL DUVET SET?

There are users in this world.

When dd1 was about 8, DH used to pick her up from school one day a week, which also happened to be the same day of the week that the ice cream van parked near the school.

Several weeks running, one of dd's friends asked to walk home with them. Several weeks running dd asked DH to buy her an ice cream and usually he did. He would also buy her friend an ice cream, as she didn't have her own money with her and he didn't want her to feel left out. One week however, it dawned on us that the only day of the week she wanted to walk home with dd was the day the ice cream van was there. Hmm. So we asked dd to suggest that her friend brought some money the following week.

Next week comes along and there she is clutching a fiver. DH casually asked (since he had paid for her ice cream several weeks running) whether she was going to buy dd one as well. "No," she said, "My mum says I can only buy one for me. I'm not allowed to buy (dd's name) an ice cream".

Are there spring and summer ones?

If you get 2/4 a year where on earth do you store them all!!

I have 4 or 5 sets that I rotate, they're all shades of blue or grey. I occasionally buy a new set and then give the oldest tattiest one to the animal rescue near me.

Mind. Boggled.

@sallybreads

I like to buy homeware,it's not a crime surely. Some people might spend any spare money on alcohol /takeaways. I enjoy making my house look nice. I'm a sucker for a cushion. Yes I don't need it ...but it's a treat.

But if you do it every year what happens to the previous years stuff?

Im a clinically diagnosed hoarder and even I find this unnessacery... either you a keeping it (where? who needs 4 new 'seasonal' cushions every year for your adult lifespan) or you are disposing of it in wasteful consumerism.

Don’t bother with what people here say… you know the answer already otherwise you wouldn’t have posted. She’s a taker, and she always will be. Stop spending your hard earned money on her.

YANBU, OP – when I go on my annual spring frying pan spree or buy my winter loo brush I always buy a few for friends too, but have I ever seen a summer towel or autumn lamp in return?

Just buy your own going forward. I wouldnt be treating her. It was nice of you.

@burritofan

YANBU, OP – when I go on my annual spring frying pan spree or buy my winter loo brush I always buy a few for friends too, but have I ever seen a summer towel or autumn lamp in return?

😂😂😂😂

Why does you need so many duvet covers!! I've had mine for years.

Why do you need!!!!

@EmergencyHydrangea

I don't think you understand what "sly" means.

It has a different meaning in some places. It certainly does in Staffordshire.

I have 4 or 5 sets that I rotate, they're all shades of blue or grey.

In fairness, reading that makes me want to go out and buy the brightest seasonal duvet set I can find

She's user. You're a mug. And you both have too many duvet sets. [/thread]