Is my friend a bit sly? Aibu?

[sallybreads]

Ok il start by saying I know this is so unimportant and I won't exactly loose sleep over it but it has made me question if maybe I'm too nice for my own good sometimes.

Last year I was doing okay for money and my friend was struggling so I would help her out a lot (that's what friends do and I wasn't expecting a thing back )

We both love autumn /winter and love Halloween and Christmas.
We both loved a autumn duvet cover but she couldn't afford it so I bought each of us one.
Then I did the same for the Xmas duvet set.
I didn't want the money back,it was just a gift.
I wouldn't of felt right buying myself one and not her ..not when I knew she loved it.

Anyway this year I'm struggling with cash having lost my job earlier this year and started a new job which pays a bit less.
Me and her both loved the new autumn duvet set and we both wanted it..I said I don't get paid till end of the month so fingers crossed it's still in stock.
It was selling out fast ..so my friend ordered hers.
Then rang me to tell me and hoped I didn't mind.
The roles are now reversed and she's doing good with money.
Yet didn't think of getting mine for me and I would have paid her back at the end of the month.

It's not even really about a stupid quilt cover ..it's the fact that she clearly has just thought of number 1.
I feel a bit like a mug.
Aibu ?

maireas

Because you are you x

@SheldonesqueTheBstard

maireas my dear friend. I adore you and this is for you. It glows in the dark and everything 🎅🏼 x

I love it 💖! Glow in the dark will help when I get up in the night to go to the loo. I'll treasure it always 😍

Yes you are a MUG OP..

She's happy take in hard times but does not return the kindness...

Takers will keep taking... 🌸

I really want to know what an autumn duvet set is!

SheldonesqueTheBstard Please, the link to the Christmas bedding?

grapewine

glow in dark beddy

@SheldonesqueTheBstard

grapewine

glow in dark beddy

Thank you!

maireas

The autumn one rustles like proper leaves underfoot so you know you are in the right bed after your nocturnal wanderings 🍂 🍂 💜

I think I've been stuck in a very dull bedding rut

@SheldonesqueTheBstard

maireas

The autumn one rustles like proper leaves underfoot so you know you are in the right bed after your nocturnal wanderings 🍂 🍂 💜

Well, that'll be Aiden Turner good and warned

@Maireas

I think I've been stuck in a very dull bedding rut

Absolutely same.

Me too my friend. White high thread count - with an accent cushion if I’m feeling flash.

Time to go seasonal

Last year I was doing okay for money and my friend was struggling so I would help her out a lot (that's what friends do and I wasn't expecting a thing back)

No, that's not what friends do. I have never lent one penny to friends as I do not know their financial circumstances and they wouldn't know mine. I am not a money lender or a soft touch. Ever hear the phrase 'never a borrower nor a lender be'? You should remember that for the future.

You chose to spend your money on her - foolishly over the years it appears. It doesn't mean she has to do the same. You've been taken for a complete mug. Stop spending money on friends. If they cannot afford something they do without. You are not an ATM at their disposal.

Did she ask you to buy these duvets for her last year?

You said it was a gift and you expected nothing back?

But you do expect something back.

The thing is you are two different personalities.
You do everything you can to promote the togetherness of the two of you. "I wouldn't of felt right buying myself one and not her"
So much so that you feel you aren't entitled to have anything just for yourself because you feel guilty about that. Therefore you are really buying her the thing to stop yourself feeling guilty.
Maybe you came from a family where people were heavily criticised for not 'sharing' etc.
She's a different sort of personality who doesn't feel she has to share everything she has with you.
Therefore there's no point expecting her to act the same as you.
Because she's not you.

What the hell is an autumn duvet? And what happens to last years duvet?

We’re going to an over-consuming hell in a handcart, aren’t we?

Do you feel like you have to buy friendship?

@viques

Looks at old duvet cover,still fine after ten or so years and thanks foresight in buying plain good quality stuff in the first place.

I still have my first ever duvet, sorry continental quilt cover, as they were called then. . I had it for my first student flat in 1975! It still gets used sometimes on the spare bed.

For the purposes of disclosure, being Mumsnet and all that, it has been washed regularly.

People have different duvet covers for each season?

@sallybreads

If I paid one week for tea out the next week she would be "ill" or not be hungry. So we wouldn't go. Like I say loads of things.

Why on earth do you keep paying for stuff then? Madness is doing the same thing again and again, and expecting different results.

You are overly generous, possibly even feeling that you have to buy friendship. And she isn't. Either she's miserly, or more skint that you think, whatever the reason - she doesn't ever spend money on you the way you do on her. (And, to be fair - spending thousands on your friends is not normal!)

So why do you keep paying? Just go halves and split the bill when you eat out or go somewhere together. If she can't afford a non-essential item but you can, just buy it for yourself and sympathise with her about how rubbish it is when you're skint.

If you act like a doormat, people will walk on you.

Can we see the duvet cover??

I also like a bit of homeware Shopping OP

@SallyCinnamon3009

Also why do you need two autumn duvet covers?

Why does anybody need one "autumn duvet cover"? 😂

Just stop buying things for her.

@infinitemadness

Are seasonal duvet covers a thing?

I've certainly never heard of them before. I change the duvets depending on season/weather, but don't change the covers according to season. Even if I did, I certainly wouldn't buy new ones every time. How many autumn, winter etc. duvet covers do you need?

And thousands of pounds? Even over years what the hell are you actually paying for?