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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is my friend a bit sly? Aibu?

284 replies

sallybreads · 27/07/2021 14:12

Ok il start by saying I know this is so unimportant and I won't exactly loose sleep over it but it has made me question if maybe I'm too nice for my own good sometimes.

Last year I was doing okay for money and my friend was struggling so I would help her out a lot (that's what friends do and I wasn't expecting a thing back )

We both love autumn /winter and love Halloween and Christmas.
We both loved a autumn duvet cover but she couldn't afford it so I bought each of us one.
Then I did the same for the Xmas duvet set.
I didn't want the money back,it was just a gift.
I wouldn't of felt right buying myself one and not her ..not when I knew she loved it.

Anyway this year I'm struggling with cash having lost my job earlier this year and started a new job which pays a bit less.
Me and her both loved the new autumn duvet set and we both wanted it..I said I don't get paid till end of the month so fingers crossed it's still in stock.
It was selling out fast ..so my friend ordered hers.
Then rang me to tell me and hoped I didn't mind.
The roles are now reversed and she's doing good with money.
Yet didn't think of getting mine for me and I would have paid her back at the end of the month.

It's not even really about a stupid quilt cover ..it's the fact that she clearly has just thought of number 1.
I feel a bit like a mug.
Aibu ?

OP posts:

Thread gallery

LIZS · 28/07/2021 07:18

You repeatedly put yourself out and she repeatedly does not reciprocate. She did not ask you to yet you chose to. Why do you keep doing so in the hope things change?

ShouldersBackChestOutChinUp · 28/07/2021 07:23

So she takes the piss.

You know this now.

Never ever pay for her again regardless of what she thinks.

She's a taker and she likes you a lot because you're generous and thoughtful.

If you don't mind her taking all the time then press on.

If you do mind, then simply stop spending any money on her.

My friends don't expect me to spend money on them. Our friendship isn't about that. Well, one was a real taker actually but I dropped her.

DamnUserName21 · 28/07/2021 07:26

@sallybreads

No need for the sarcastic responses. We are close friends and both love autumn /winter and love buying homewear. It's became a bit of a tradition to buy them every year (I did clearly say it's not essential and isn't even about the duvet set) It's everything..it's always me give give give (I'm not talking money either,in everything,I can baby sit her children to help her out but she has never offered once) I could write a list as long as my arm. I feel taken advantage of. She has in the past gone in stupid silent moods for a week over me buying something knowing she also liked it. Il just re iterate ...I'm not bothered about a duvet set. I'm bothered about the fact our friendship feels a one way street I give give give and she takes

You need to disengage from this person. Stop buying her stuff, stop babysitting her children. She is a taker from you but only cause you let her be.

rainbowrescue · 28/07/2021 07:41

What thread count are these seasonal duvet covers?

BarbaraofSeville · 28/07/2021 07:52

I don’t think that’s mentioned @rainbowrescue.

There seems to be two markets for duvet covers, 300+ thread count plain white or pastel ones, or polycotton (shudder) in any design and pattern imaginable.

So if, like me you like a duvet with a high thread count but for it to also have a nice bright design to be the focus of the bedroom décor and because your cats love to wipe their muddy paws onto the bedding and you’re too lazy to keep whites white, the number of duvet covers for sale that fit your criteria are very small, especially if you don’t want to pay more than about £50.

So that's why I have bought fewer duvet covers in the past decade than the OP has in the last year, because what I'm looking for, pretty much doesn't exist.

Newmumatlast · 28/07/2021 07:57

@sallybreads

Over the years I've spent a good few thousand on her. Treated her on holiday. She would have thought it was sly if I hadn't of bought her one. Like I said I'm not bothered about the duvet cover ..hence why I said il get one when I get paid next. I have money in the bank to survive on and I could have easily put it on CC but didn't want too. It's the fact that she is all for herself but I have been kind and jumped over hoops to help her out.

I dont understand how you've concluded that she wouldve thought it sly not only if you had just bought yourself one but also not her? Is there a back story you're not saying?

Muma1992 · 28/07/2021 09:21

You are being unreasonable.
If you can't afford a treat, you can't have it. Simple.
You chose to buy her duvet covers, she doesn't have to choose to spend her money on you.

PrettyLittleFlies · 28/07/2021 10:41

I know it's not the point but I had no idea there was such a thing as a seasonal duvet cover!

SunnyNights · 28/07/2021 10:47

I've just had to Google seasonal duvet covers. Am I meant to be buying a new one for each season??

TheYearOfSmallThings · 28/07/2021 10:59

Wow - after reading this thread I looked on Asda and they have the following duvet sets: Halloween cats, Halloween dogs, Halloween Mickey Mouse, pumpkins, acorns, "walk in the park" (autumnal) and probably more.

I really want a set but I'm fighting it.

TatianaBis · 28/07/2021 11:01

I would fight it hard. I can't think of anything worse than Halloween duvets from Asda.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 28/07/2021 11:15

But they have pumpkins on one side and leaves on the other!

BarbaraofSeville · 28/07/2021 11:30

I like the halloween cats one. I like it so much I'm thinking of buying it (only £14 for king size) and using the material to remake it with a nice cotton underside so I don't have to suffer sweaty polycotton.

whatwouldsueheckdo · 28/07/2021 11:37

Is it just me thinking that things like seasonal duvet covers are why our planet is on its knees? I hate this materialistic / disposable culture that not only unnecessarily uses resources and produces waste, but has people like op and her friend buying things they can’t really afford. Grrrrr.

Icecreamsoda99 · 28/07/2021 11:44

I want to see a picture of what an Autumn Duvet cover is. I can see why you would feel taking advantage off but your friend hasn't done anything wrong, maybe it's a love language thing, where you show love with gifts but she doesn't. Also I want to see the duvet cover

Original poster

sallybreads · 28/07/2021 11:44

Some pathetic people on this forum.
Do you think me and my friend are the only people in the world who like to buy seasonal products ?
It's a quilt cover ffs!
Get a grip!
How judgemental ! Just because you aren't interested in buying certain things doesn't mean you can look down your nose at others who like different things!

I'm not living on the breadline either!
It's a day before pay day and I've had a really good month which involved a few nights out and a weekend break !
I'm hardly living off fresh air!
My point was since I've started a new job I haven't got as much money as I did last year!

OP posts:

Anordinarymum · 28/07/2021 11:52

@sallybreads

Some pathetic people on this forum. Do you think me and my friend are the only people in the world who like to buy seasonal products ? It's a quilt cover ffs! Get a grip! How judgemental ! Just because you aren't interested in buying certain things doesn't mean you can look down your nose at others who like different things!

OP Sorry but the only pathetic person on here is you.

This person you keep referring to is not a friend. Never has been and never shall be. You are also not a friend because you do not seem to understand about boundaries.
She tramples all over your finer feelings and you allow it because why??
Friends don't behave like this to one another. They respect each other, but first and foremost they have self respect. You need to get a grip. I don't mean to be harsh, but you need telling about yourself.

WellLarDeDar · 28/07/2021 12:33

It's a quilt cover ffs!
Get a grip!

Maybe take your own advice I think?

The way I see it is you bought your friend a gift and are now expecting it to be reciprocated but I would tell you never to buy a gift if that's how you feel. Only ever buy a gift because you want to make someone happy, not because you expect something in return... that's not a gift it's a transaction. I think you should be a little bit less flippant with your dollar as well...

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 28/07/2021 12:41

Don’t be getting nippy OP.

You posted on AIBU - where opinions are (as someone once said) robust.

You were treated to fairly honest opinions - the majority of which were concerned that you were doing yourself wrong.

So park the sark OP. The piley on might not be purty.

MegaClutterSlut · 28/07/2021 13:56

Yanbu to be annoyed imo

Yabvu to let it for so long though. I would stop being so generous and just buy for yourself in future. Being sulky when buying things for yourself just proves how much she expects from you.

spongebath · 28/07/2021 14:09

Stop being such a pumpkin op. Just don't fall for it in future.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 28/07/2021 14:12

Take a leaf out of sponge’s book and reap the benefits from letting this friend go.

dapsnotplimsolls · 28/07/2021 14:13

Good job exclamation marks are free ...

Maireas · 28/07/2021 14:15

@dapsnotplimsolls

Good job exclamation marks are free ...

I'd personally tax them to help pay for covid

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 28/07/2021 14:16

Only in summer….

They charge for them in autumn.

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