To think my sister is being ridiculous with these comments?

[hp45]

My son is 24, he lives a few hours away with his friend, so we rarely see him especially with covid. He has mental health issues and last year he was very depressed and suicidal and his friend helped him through it.

A couple of months ago, I asked him if he wanted to come on holiday with us, he said yes but asked if his friend could come and I agreed.

We got here yesterday, and my sisters children would've had to share a room so DS and his friend got their own room, DS and his friend offered to share. Since then, my sister has been making ridiculous comments to DS, asking him why he wants to share with his friend, and asking why his friend can't go on holiday with his family.

She then said to me that, if she lived with her friend, she wouldn't want to bring them on a family holiday, I told her that it was up to DS. She then said that they're going to ruin the holiday, they're going to be doing their own thing as we will be with our younger children, so I don't see how they're going to ruin it.

Am I Bu in thinking she's being ridiculous? Or would you agree with her?

The only one being weird in this whole situation is your sister!

She doesn't sound like a very supportive aunt. She sounds very selfish tbh...surely it is better that your DS has a similar aged friend so he's not hanging around her, bored??

This is one of the reasons when we go on holiday, we do not go with other friends or family. Just our family unit, with adult children if they want to come. I’ve had my share of holidays with other people and their families in the past, and it can be a (very stressful) minefield.

I think you should have offered more than 50% really when the arrangements changed but that doesn’t excuse her poor behaviour. It is sad that your son’s friend was made to feel so unwelcome.

Sounds like she thinks they are a couple and doesn't like it, which is just pathetic. Imagine being freaked out by sharing a house with a gay couple. It's 2021. How sad.

@hp45

No, I don't think they are sharing a bed but if they are, I'm not sure why she's bothered!

I have told DS to visit for a weekend in a couple of weeks so we can spend some time together, and I told his friend he's welcome aswell.

I won't be coming on holiday with my sister again.

Could be some homophobia going on? That's the only explanation I can think of.

If that is the case then confront it directly. Ask your sister if she has a problem with the possibility that there is a gay relationship going on in the family.

Wow, she's got a real bee in her bonnet! As others have said when I go away with friends we always share rooms and I'm 40. It cuts down the cost and the chances of finding an 8 bed rental we could actually afford are non existent
I hope I'm as good a parent to my kids as you are OP, you sound so lovely

Sounds like good old fashioned homophobia to me. I wonder if she'd be as uncomfortable with two female friends sharing a room?

I'm gay and have and do share rooms with friends. At that age we all always shared to keep costs down or because we were tight friends, housemates and when you live with friends you're used to sharing a space with them.

Sounds like your DS has got a really good friendship there, and if it does turn out to be more than that then I'd be thankful that he has a boyfriend who really does look after him.

I'd be leaving with them. She's being awful, and I'm afraid I'd be telling her to fuck off.

Your sister is being a massive bitch. I think it's lovely you let him bring his friend.

She sounds nuts. I have a housemate I’ve holidayed with before, two young friends sharing a room isn’t weird, it’s your sister that’s making it weird. It’s perfectly normal for two adults to share a room with separate beds, it doesn’t mean they’re in a relationship, and even if they were it’s nobodies business. Your sister sounds a bit unhinged, I guess she resents that the friend is there full stop but I don’t understand why…

Your sister is a dick.
My ds had a friend that helped him through a lot and they’d happily share a room on holiday and that’s pretty normal these days

Her reaction is completely wrong. My Dp took a male friend and shared a room on his family holiday at 19/20 and earlier. And even now at 30 he'll share a room and sometimes bed with different mates to save hotel money.
He's completely straight. Men just don't really care.

Wow, your sister is highly regressive!
there's nothing wrong with sharing a room with another friend, regardless of whether or not they're in a sexual relationship.
If she has a problem with it, then either she's homophobic or she's being puritannical.
What's she most worried about, that her kids will "catch the gay" or something, from their cousin? Ugh.

Glad you've decided that you're not going on holiday with her again - I wouldn't be happy with the way she's treated your child.

Your sister is being awful. She started the problem by moaning about her kids sharing. They offered to share instead and she has moaned ever since because one won't sleep on a sofa. Maybe she should have slept on the sofa as it's her kids getting rooms each. And the constant comments are not needed or helpful at all. She needs to wind her neck in. Actually if I was you I would say to them that if they wanted to leave earlier than Friday you would be ok with it to save listening to her crap anymore. And moaning about them leaving Friday sounds like she just wants to blame them for not enjoying her holiday when it has been all her.

Sounds like she is homophobic ie the whole one of them should sleep on the sofa thing.

I completely see why you invited his friend - both because he has been a wonderful support to your son but also because your son would have been bored with his cousins being so much younger than him.

I am guessing your sister doesn't know about your son's mental health and considering her behaviour I would now not tell her.

But, I am also guessing effectively having a male stranger in the house who is changing the dynamic both in terms of being with someone you know plus it being 2 young adults and 2 very young children - its an interesting mix. But she has acted appaulling and I am sorry for you and your son and his friend.

Wow your son’s friend deserves a medal and so nice you treat him as one of the family as he may be more than just a ‘friend’ to your son. Your sister on the other hand is excluding them on the grounds she does not approve… of their age? Their relationship? Their proximity to her kids? Ridiculous and judgemental. Don’t invite her along next time and let’s hope none of her kids need ‘inclusion’ later on ..

She sounds homophobic tbh. Really sad if so, sounds like they are respectful and your son is happy.. and if he's happy then what's the problem? I feel sorry for her children if she acts like this around gay people.

Your sister is being horrible. Ask her to please not ruin the holiday by making your son and his friend uncomfortable. They sound lovely and hopefully your sister will chill the heck out when she sees it all works perfectly well.

My thoughts entirely 👍🏼

He’s your son. He is family, and is this not a family holiday? I think she’s uncomfortable with the idea of this possibly being your sons partner and influencing her children. I wouldn’t care what anyone thought. If he was my son I’d bring him too. And if his friend makes him feel comfortable then that’s fine. As long as they keep it PG13 for the kids sake just like I’d expect for a hetro couple. (Not saying this is his partner) but if it was. who cares people need to stop being so sensitive. Have fun on your holiday and I hope your son enjoys himself too. Heaven knows, I suffer with mental health issues and social anxiety. I can totally relate to how he feels. He needs this too x x

Step in and defend your son. Sissy is being unreasonable. I had to cut mine off for lots of reasons including not sticking up for her nephew when the slanderous rumour mill went around. Stick up for your progeny and cut sissy off if she continues.

Your sister is being weird, not your son.

Why does she have a problem with two adults sharing a room?

Why is she giving any thought to what they are or are not doing together in the room they share?

Has she never shared a room with a friend on holiday?

If your son’s friend was female would she feel any different?

There is no logic to what she says so the only thing that seems to be logical is that she wonders if your son and his friend are gay and she has an issue with it 🤷🏼‍♀️

This is such a shame, lots of people in their early twenties especially those who went to university hung out a lot after uni, almost likely family to each other, while begining their careers, going on hols together and sharing rooms would be seen as completely normal. In my house share when I was in my twenties, people would come and visit and share rooms, all sorts of unlikely coupling up. After a party you'd get 30 or so bodies on each floor! It sounds like your sister didn't experience anything like that and so it seems foreign and wierd to her.

You sound lovely and generous and your sister sounds stressful and unwelcoming. I would avoid holidays with her in future but keep inviting your DS (along with whoever he wants to bring) for weekends, breaks etc. Whatever form his relationship with is friend takes it is absolutely not your sister's business. He is lucky to have such a good friend and you as a mum.