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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my sister is being ridiculous with these comments?

306 replies

hp45 · 27/07/2021 13:28

My son is 24, he lives a few hours away with his friend, so we rarely see him especially with covid. He has mental health issues and last year he was very depressed and suicidal and his friend helped him through it.

A couple of months ago, I asked him if he wanted to come on holiday with us, he said yes but asked if his friend could come and I agreed.

We got here yesterday, and my sisters children would've had to share a room so DS and his friend got their own room, DS and his friend offered to share. Since then, my sister has been making ridiculous comments to DS, asking him why he wants to share with his friend, and asking why his friend can't go on holiday with his family.

She then said to me that, if she lived with her friend, she wouldn't want to bring them on a family holiday, I told her that it was up to DS. She then said that they're going to ruin the holiday, they're going to be doing their own thing as we will be with our younger children, so I don't see how they're going to ruin it.

Am I Bu in thinking she's being ridiculous? Or would you agree with her?

OP posts:
AMCoffeePMWine · 28/07/2021 00:52

Your son sounds lovely, and his friend sounds like a caring, compassionate young person. Your sister, on the other hand….

Charlize43 · 28/07/2021 01:13

@hp45

I spoke to my sister and she told me that them sharing a room is making her feel uncomfortable and one of them should sleep on the sofa.

When DS and his friend came back my sister told them that sharing a room is ‘weird’ (again!Hmm) but they told her it's not and then they told us that they're leaving on Friday and they're going to spend the weekend with his friends’ family as we are only about an hour or two away from them, I'm not sure if his friend heard my sister and felt unwelcome or if they just planned it.

My sister then started telling me that they're ungrateful etc, but we were only meant to stay until Sunday morning so they aren't missing out on much.

Whether they're in a relationship or not, your sister seems to think so as she finds it 'weird' for them to share a room. Clearly she's homophobic and is having issues.

I feel sorry for your son and his friend being made to feel different even if there is nothing going on, just friendship.

Notebooksarefabulous · 28/07/2021 01:19

I think its lovely that he is there with his friend too. Otherwise he'd be on hols aged 24 with his mother, aunt and two little kids - which doesnt sound much fun aged 24!
As it is hes got a great chance to spend time on hols with his pal, plus his mum and family. Sounds perfect to me. Your sister is being ridiculous.

Hannayeah · 28/07/2021 02:14

She sounds like a rude busy-body.

Tell her I think she’s weird!

nettie434 · 28/07/2021 03:43

It is really unreasonable of your sister to complain about your DS and his friend sharing a room when the only reason they are sharing is so her children don't have to share. It also sounds as if her behaviour has encouraged your DS and his friend to leave earlier than planned.

Irrespective of whether your son and his friend are boyfriends, inviting his friend on holiday was a good way to show your appreciation for the support he gave your son (and her nephew) last year. As you asked your sister if they could come in advance, I don't see why she should complain. If she knows about your son's difficulties last year, then her attitude is even worse.

Treaclepie19 · 28/07/2021 05:58

I really think you have to have it out with her.
She sounds really awful. I can't believe she said it's making her feel uncomfortable. I can't see any other reason for that than homophobia.

Seesawmummadaw · 28/07/2021 06:10

Your sister is vile!

tallduckandhandsome · 28/07/2021 06:21

She sounds homophobic and rude but who decided her kids should share in the first place?

Sounds like there were 5 bedrooms, your family got 3 and her family got 2, which isn’t fair if you paid 50/50.

Also, you, DS and friend are 3 adults so you would be eating more food than sis and her 2 kids.

I think as you had an extra room and eat more food then you should have offered extra money too.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/07/2021 06:23

Crikey your sister a piece of work. Creates a drama because a 5 and 7 yo shouldn’t have to share putting their needs over grown men. Then has a problem when the grown men share together. No wonder you don’t want to go away with her again.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/07/2021 06:24

@tallduckandhandsome

She sounds homophobic and rude but who decided her kids should share in the first place?

Sounds like there were 5 bedrooms, your family got 3 and her family got 2, which isn’t fair if you paid 50/50.

Also, you, DS and friend are 3 adults so you would be eating more food than sis and her 2 kids.

I think as you had an extra room and eat more food then you should have offered extra money too.

No the sister’s family got 3 rooms.
chocolateorangeinhaler · 28/07/2021 06:24

Why don't you just ask her to cut the crap and ask outright to his face if he's gay?

That's what all this is about isn't it.

tallduckandhandsome · 28/07/2021 06:28

No the sister’s family got 3 rooms.

Not originally, only when sis complained.

Would be good to know how it was decided that OP’s family got 3 rooms. Maybe sis felt aggrieved at the assumption she would have only 2 rooms.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/07/2021 06:31

Well if that’s the case, TallDuck she needs to get over it. She got her own way. My sibling and wife are like this. Never happy with arrangements. Crushed me before I went nc.

tallduckandhandsome · 28/07/2021 06:39

Yes, she has got her own way now, but I’m trying to point out to Op that if you change the arrangements, so your family get 3 rooms and you have an extra adult staying, then it’s customary to offer more than 50/50. Sis hasn’t gone about this well and she sounds homophobic to boot, but I don’t think the change to the arrangement with DS staying was fair to her.

Of course it could be argued that the original arrangement wasn’t fair to OP as she only got 2 rooms whilst sis got 3. Op probably wasn’t bothered by the original arrangements and didn’t mind 50/50, but it seems sis may have been.

Brefugee · 28/07/2021 06:41

She is being utterly ridiculous as you know and in your place I'd have asked her if she's happy giving out a homophobic vibe.

Was she hoping he'd bring a girlfriend and they would babysit sometimes?

Northernparent68 · 28/07/2021 07:04

@chocolateorangeinhaler

Why don't you just ask her to cut the crap and ask outright to his face if he's gay?

That's what all this is about isn't it.

Careful, the sister might take her up on it.
Twoforthree · 28/07/2021 07:18

Talk to your DS, apologise if his stupid Aunt has made either of them uncomfortable and find a way of letting him know that you'd be cool with his friend being his partner if that's is the case & if not, it's great he has such a good mate.

This

Guavaf1sh · 28/07/2021 07:20

I can also imagine a situation where there would be similar levels of interfering if he were sharing a room with a female ‘friend’. Are they going out? What’s the deal? Why are you all so quiet about it? If they’re going out why not just say and why cover it all up? That sort of thing. The fact that they are same sex might not be the main thing

IncorrigibleTitmouse · 28/07/2021 07:20

I think she is being very odd. When I was younger (and even now that I'm married!) I share rooms with friends if I'm travelling without DH. When I was in my 20s I shared beds with friends of both sexes with nothing untoward going on.

I'm with PPs who think she assumes they're in a relationship and disapproves. In which case, SHE is the one with the problem and if she was my sister I'd be letting her know how disappointed in her I was.

PluggingAway · 28/07/2021 07:22

So, your sister is annoyed because her kids have to share a room, so your DS and friend offer to share. This annoys her too. She's annoyed that they're "ruining" the holiday, so they say they're leaving a few days early. This annoys her too.

Your sister is being a total bitch. She has ruined the holiday for everyone. It sounds like it's probably homophobia. I wouldn't go anywhere with her again. Sounds like she is a black cloud on an otherwise sunny day.

IHateCoronavirus · 28/07/2021 07:30

DS is being perfectly reasonable bringing his friend. At that age it is good to have someone your own age to do ‘young adult’ things with. I suspect she is miffed that she is missing out on the opportunity of free child care!
Also them sharing a room/and bed is perfectly fine. I back packed around American after a job working on a summer camp. There were two young men and three young women sharing a room to keep costs low. We’d get motel twin rooms and push the beds together so the five of us could squish in together. Nothing weird went on, we were just young, strapped for cash, and joyfully free. Why does everything have to be viewed with sexual undertones?

I’d be telling DSis that you don’t appreciate her dumping on him given his mental health, leave her with her kids, so she can remember why she invited you all in the first place, and go meet up with ds’s friends family too! Grin

BigSandyBalls2015 · 28/07/2021 07:30

Wow your sister sounds horrible.

I’m in my 50s and share a room with friends on girly weekends away. My DDs are in their 20s and bring girlfriends on family holidays and share 🤷🏼‍♀️, perfectly normal.

billy1966 · 28/07/2021 07:31

@AMCoffeePMWine

Your son sounds lovely, and his friend sounds like a caring, compassionate young person. Your sister, on the other hand….
How awful.

I would be gone with the boys friday.

He behaviour is really distasteful.Flowers

MyShoelaceIsUndone · 28/07/2021 07:32

I’d be telling her to mind her own business and shut up

Jumpingintosummer · 28/07/2021 07:36

The only person ruining anything is your sister.