Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my sister is being ridiculous with these comments?

306 replies

hp45 · 27/07/2021 13:28

My son is 24, he lives a few hours away with his friend, so we rarely see him especially with covid. He has mental health issues and last year he was very depressed and suicidal and his friend helped him through it.

A couple of months ago, I asked him if he wanted to come on holiday with us, he said yes but asked if his friend could come and I agreed.

We got here yesterday, and my sisters children would've had to share a room so DS and his friend got their own room, DS and his friend offered to share. Since then, my sister has been making ridiculous comments to DS, asking him why he wants to share with his friend, and asking why his friend can't go on holiday with his family.

She then said to me that, if she lived with her friend, she wouldn't want to bring them on a family holiday, I told her that it was up to DS. She then said that they're going to ruin the holiday, they're going to be doing their own thing as we will be with our younger children, so I don't see how they're going to ruin it.

Am I Bu in thinking she's being ridiculous? Or would you agree with her?

OP posts:
smilingontheinside · 28/07/2021 18:20

My dd shared a bed with her male friend after a party. My OH was not happy about it and kept saying he didn't think it appropriate etc etc. Was somewhat taken aback when had to explain that the most they were likely to get up to was discussing musicals, sharing tips on make up and doing each others hair. He had no idea they were both gay🙄

Notaroadrunner · 28/07/2021 18:21

@grapewine

I'd be leaving with them. She's being awful, and I'm afraid I'd be telling her to fuck off.
I was just thinking the same. The fact they now feel the need to leave because of your disgusting, homophobic sister is not acceptable. You need to tell her to cop on apologise to your son and his friend.
Blossomtoes · 28/07/2021 18:21

I won't be coming on holiday with my sister again.

Good call. She sounds a nightmare.

Hadenough2021 · 28/07/2021 18:22

Whilst your sister is definitely behaving poorly, I think you might need to think about the possibility that this is more than just a friend to DS

Nocutenamesleft · 28/07/2021 18:24

@hp45

No, I don't think they are sharing a bed but if they are, I'm not sure why she's bothered!

I have told DS to visit for a weekend in a couple of weeks so we can spend some time together, and I told his friend he's welcome aswell.

I won't be coming on holiday with my sister again.

Yes!

I like the fact that you don’t care if they share a bed. You’ve said all the right things.

browneyes77 · 28/07/2021 18:27

I’d have told her to STFU by now.

Because the only person ruining the holiday is her, with her ridiculous (and quite frankly homophobic sounding) comments.

Giraffe888 · 28/07/2021 18:30

Your sister sounds awful and her attitude won’t be helping DS’s mental health!

HalzTangz · 28/07/2021 18:42

@hp45

My son is 24, he lives a few hours away with his friend, so we rarely see him especially with covid. He has mental health issues and last year he was very depressed and suicidal and his friend helped him through it.

A couple of months ago, I asked him if he wanted to come on holiday with us, he said yes but asked if his friend could come and I agreed.

We got here yesterday, and my sisters children would've had to share a room so DS and his friend got their own room, DS and his friend offered to share. Since then, my sister has been making ridiculous comments to DS, asking him why he wants to share with his friend, and asking why his friend can't go on holiday with his family.

She then said to me that, if she lived with her friend, she wouldn't want to bring them on a family holiday, I told her that it was up to DS. She then said that they're going to ruin the holiday, they're going to be doing their own thing as we will be with our younger children, so I don't see how they're going to ruin it.

Am I Bu in thinking she's being ridiculous? Or would you agree with her?

I'd be saying to your sister ' if you can't say something nice, say nothing at all. I and my son don't tell you who you can spend time with, you have no place to tell my son who to spend time with, as for ruining the holiday, only person doing that is the whinger in the room, yes that's right you, now please give it a rest and enjoy our holiday'
Pallisers · 28/07/2021 18:45

honestly, I would conside leaving early same time as my son. and I would never have a holiday with my sister again.

and them sharing a room is weird? My kids are aged 19-24 and have often shared a room with a friend (at those ages) on holidays - not in a relationship either. but so what if they were? your sister doesn't really sound very nice.

Jux · 28/07/2021 18:46

I would be sooooo tempted to get my ds and his mate to cuddle up on the sofa just for your sister.

HalzTangz · 28/07/2021 18:52

@kpp11

Why don't you ask her? Also why are you only paying 50% when you are taking 2 extra adults with you? I wouldn't be happy....
She was paying 50% before her son was invited. To my understanding sister has two people with her party, op has two people with her party. 50/50 is fair especially when the two boys are mostly out and buying some of their own food
Formaldeheidi · 28/07/2021 18:52

Sounds like your sister is a raging homophobe OP.

And RUBBISH to the PP that said you need to consider that they might be in a relationship. What is there to consider exactly? Who cares if they are?!

Nearly47 · 28/07/2021 18:56

Well done OP. Your sister actions are just wrong. I hope she comes to her senses and apologises for her behaviour so you can enjoy holidays together again

Chocrock · 28/07/2021 18:56

I think your sister is a homophobe, whether you son is gay or not (and that's his business no one else's) she thinks he is gay and she doesn't like it.
Her behaviour is making her the one who shouldn't be on the holiday

whynotwhatknot · 28/07/2021 19:01

What does she think about uni students sharing is that ok or not in her eyes

has she always been homophobic

Anniegetyourgun · 28/07/2021 19:02

I'd be inclined to leave on the Friday as well. Then sister and offspring can have all the rooms and whatever food is left over. They can hardly complain about that, but if they do, you won't be there to hear it Grin

Rainbowsew · 28/07/2021 19:07

Seems like your sister is homophobic sadly, regardless of whether they're in a relationship.

Also that she hasn't really envisaged her nephew as being an adult with ideas and opinions of his own, hence all the ungrateful comments.

Fluffmum · 28/07/2021 19:10

Tell her to stop being rude. She needs a filter

cherish123 · 28/07/2021 19:11

Your sister is being rude and insensitive.

gingergiraffe · 28/07/2021 19:18

I also wonder what affect her attitude towards the situation has on her own children. If her kids have sleepovers themselves, at what age will she draw a line about sharing a room with their best friend of the same sex? How about someone of the opposite sex? Would that be more acceptable?

Your sister sounds very unreasonable. DH used to regularly go on international rugby trips with his mates and they often shared rooms or sometimes even beds. Once, in Ireland they arrived at a hostel to find a huge room with twenty or thirty bunk beds! Not that they ever stayed there again as the snoring was horrendous!

Dogvmarmot · 28/07/2021 19:23

@hp45

I spoke to my sister and she told me that them sharing a room is making her feel uncomfortable and one of them should sleep on the sofa.

When DS and his friend came back my sister told them that sharing a room is ‘weird’ (again!Hmm) but they told her it's not and then they told us that they're leaving on Friday and they're going to spend the weekend with his friends’ family as we are only about an hour or two away from them, I'm not sure if his friend heard my sister and felt unwelcome or if they just planned it.

My sister then started telling me that they're ungrateful etc, but we were only meant to stay until Sunday morning so they aren't missing out on much.

your sister sounds very odd. if its just that more family have come she sounds too uptight to go on holiday with. Its just family and they sound like they are entertaining themselves. And really why is it any of her business that they are sharing a room. her opinion of it being 'weird' is irrelevant and very rude. You should point out that they are likely leaving as she has created a bad atmosphere and made them feel unwelcome. if she feels the food should be say 60/40 not 50/50 then she should say so. how lucky your son has such a good friend. I hope you have had an opportunity to thank his friend for all the support he gave your son and maybe make sure he has your number if he needs to contact you in the future re any concerns re your son. They sound like perfect guests - off doing their own thing and washing up.
Pissinthepottyplease · 28/07/2021 19:23

There is a group of one group of 3 or 4 adults and another of 1 adult and 2 small children yet both groups are paying the same amount for food - is this the issue?

Pissinthepottyplease · 28/07/2021 19:24

@hp45

I spoke to my sister and she told me that them sharing a room is making her feel uncomfortable and one of them should sleep on the sofa.

When DS and his friend came back my sister told them that sharing a room is ‘weird’ (again!Hmm) but they told her it's not and then they told us that they're leaving on Friday and they're going to spend the weekend with his friends’ family as we are only about an hour or two away from them, I'm not sure if his friend heard my sister and felt unwelcome or if they just planned it.

My sister then started telling me that they're ungrateful etc, but we were only meant to stay until Sunday morning so they aren't missing out on much.

Just seen this message is your son’s friend male and is your sister homophobic?
PattyPan · 28/07/2021 19:39

Your sister is being very weird and it does sound like underlying homophobia from the sofa comment. I’ve shared a bed with friends of both sexes completely innocently on holidays. It wasn’t weird, it was just because of the bed setups!

CuntAmongstThePigeons · 28/07/2021 19:40

Wow, your sister sounds awful OP, and really homophobic. I wouldn't be staying after that, I'd leave with your son and his friend. That's appalling behaviour.