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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My Partner has brought an season ticket without asking me how i feel, and I’m due to have our baby boy in august

242 replies

Firsttimemum1999 · 27/07/2021 10:49

Hi all,

I don’t know if I’m being reasonable, my partner went out and brought his first ever season ticket yesterday, but he never once asked me about how I felt about him getting one he automatically did it while I asked him before I do stuff. I’m due to have our little boy in august when the seasons starts, which makes things even worst. I’ll be looking after him all day when he’s working and I feel like I’m going to be constantly looking after our son all the time and I won’t get that time to myself which he can clearly get. He doesn’t seem to understand how I’m feeling about it all and when I try and tell him I’m the bad guy. I don’t mind him getting one but thought he could have at least waiting an few years for when our son was abit older. Because just before my due date there is two matches and I told him when I’m getting close I don’t want him to really go out and he’s determining to go to the matches. I generally constantly Feels like he’s putting his needs and wants before his unborn son

OP posts:
Shade17 · 27/07/2021 17:09

I’ve noticed you use “an” instead of “a” which doesn’t matter on here but could be looked down upon in real life by employers etc. I would gently tell a friend the same thing and I really mean it to be helpful and not a twat.

SpindleWhorl · 27/07/2021 17:14

@Shade17

I’ve noticed you use “an” instead of “a” which doesn’t matter on here but could be looked down upon in real life by employers etc. I would gently tell a friend the same thing and I really mean it to be helpful and not a twat.
Can I nominate this for a very special award, please? I'm sure someone can think of an appropriate name. Like 'Nobel', but working more with the 'Nob' part.
Candydreamer · 27/07/2021 17:34

@Shade17

I’ve noticed you use “an” instead of “a” which doesn’t matter on here but could be looked down upon in real life by employers etc. I would gently tell a friend the same thing and I really mean it to be helpful and not a twat.
wow. no words.
Original poster
Firsttimemum1999 · 27/07/2021 17:35

@Shade17

I’ve noticed you use “an” instead of “a” which doesn’t matter on here but could be looked down upon in real life by employers etc. I would gently tell a friend the same thing and I really mean it to be helpful and not a twat.
Ye I get what you mean, I always write what I think it means in my head due to my specific learning disability. I used to be so bad in school as I wrote thing how I would say them
OP posts:
Anonymous48 · 27/07/2021 17:35

@Shade17

I’ve noticed you use “an” instead of “a” which doesn’t matter on here but could be looked down upon in real life by employers etc. I would gently tell a friend the same thing and I really mean it to be helpful and not a twat.
I do agree with you. It makes the OP's messages hard to read.
ilovesooty · 27/07/2021 17:39

@Tuba437

I've had season tickets before and once we had kids I just made sure I went for the matches and not the day out. I could leave the house at half 1 and be back by half 5 so only 4 hours which I think is fine.

Football doesn't have to be the entire day

That's what I thought initially. I'm a massive football fan but the more the thread's progressed the more unreasonable I think he and his family sound.
MumInBrussels · 27/07/2021 17:46

@Shade17

I’ve noticed you use “an” instead of “a” which doesn’t matter on here but could be looked down upon in real life by employers etc. I would gently tell a friend the same thing and I really mean it to be helpful and not a twat.
This was really the thing that you felt most needed saying, was it? The key point you took from what the OP was saying? Amazing.

@Firsttimemum1999 I hope that your boyfriend steps up once your baby is here. But if I were you, I'd start to make plans for how you might live with your baby on your own, in case he doesn't. I hope he's just immature and hadn't really thought through the changes that are about to come, and when they hit, he'll grow up and change. But that doesn't always happen...

Whatever you decide to do in the future, remember that you are not at all, ever, being unreasonable to want your baby's dad to be an equal parent and do as much for your baby as you do. I hope everything goes well with the rest of your pregnancy and the birth of your baby, and wish you all the best for the future!

Shade17 · 27/07/2021 17:48

Can I nominate this for a very special award, please? I'm sure someone can think of an appropriate name. Like 'Nobel', but working more with the 'Nob' part.

I’m really happy to be thought of as a nob if it actually helps someone go through life without making a simple mistake. It was meant from a genuine place of kindness an I hope the OP takes it as such. I’d like someone to correct me in similar circumstances.

Shade17 · 27/07/2021 17:49

*and lol. Bloody phone!

Whatwouldscullydo · 27/07/2021 18:01

Aah so you have a LD then first

Apologies if this comes out wrong but if you do have difficulties which may or may not make finding employment harder ( I say this as someone who is probably unemployable anywhere else other where I am for different reasons and I dont think I'd get my job now if I applied for it and this is the advice I'd love to have given myself 16 years ago! Now that I'm single again and desperate to escape my Job) , then I'd have a long think about your plans to reduce hours. It may well be that going part time and having A universal credit top up is the best bet BUT I'd base that on what would work for you and your baby. Not based on what's supposed to be his end of the bargain. If that makes any sense.

Maternity leave is long, boring and lonely and even 6/9 months is enough to make it really hard to fit back in at work. ( I've done it twice 😬.

If its not applicable to your learning difficulty them ignore me. Obviously not all of them mean you'd have a harder time with finding work and I don't know what you have and how it affects you and you are not obliged to tell us Flowers

Original poster
Firsttimemum1999 · 27/07/2021 18:12

Sorry for another comment. For twos I’ve been gone to hospital as first time I was getting really bad back pains to the point I was crying two nights I was crying in pain my partner wasn’t happy and he stormed downstairs so he could continue to sleep as I was keeping him away and the second time I went into hospital as I was getting pains in my lower stomach and cervix he was like why the fuck do we have to go to hospital again it every fucking weekend, you know I don’t like hospitals I don’t want to go again until you’re in labour and when I’m in pain he’s telling me to man up as it’s part of pregnancy as I’ve been told by the doctors I’ve got PGP/SPD. But over a week ago we made plans to go and meet my best friend so we can collect stuff she brought us and to meet up but a few days before he decided to change his mind and say that we not going as He don’t wanna drive there on Sunday as he wanted to go out Saturday and have a few drinks so we didn’t end up going. Despite my friend has no way of getting here as she said it’s a lot of stuff she got as well and today I asked him if he could take me to work tomorrow to collect some stuff from work as we’re going to meet my friends so it’s on the way there , and he like I’m on fucking holiday I don’t wanna be driving everyday, why can’t you get them when you go back to work despite once again it’s an gift from work for our child.

OP posts:
MumInBrussels · 27/07/2021 18:31

Why do you want to stay in a relationship with this man, @Firsttimemum1999? He sounds worse with every update. Talk to your midwife when you next see her and see if she can point you in the direction of some organisations that can support you, both immediately and in the longer term. Your current boyfriend clearly isn't likely to be much help, emotionally, physically or in any other way...

MrsBobDylan · 27/07/2021 18:32

I think you have reached the stage where thinking over the details of this man's actions is just ignoring the elephant in the room op.

He isn't going to support you and he won't be able to support a child. He is telling you that loud and clear by his actions.

Buying a season ticket just before you give birth says he doesn't want to be around on the weekends and that he wants to spend his cash on himself.

I'm really sorry, presumably he made all the right noises about having a baby and has chosen now to reveal himself as a complete toss pot.

I would plan the birth and the next 18 years based on what you

RevolvingPivot · 27/07/2021 18:43

@Username91 sorry I only read the title and thought the op was worried her husband may miss the birth of their baby. Was doing 5 things at once. Ignore it.

BigButtons · 27/07/2021 19:52

@Firsttimemum1999 it is clear from your posts that your ‘partner’ actively dislikes you and is going out of his way to make your life as difficult and stressful as possible. I think it is more than he is a selfish twat, I think he is seeing how unpleasant he can be and I think he is enjoying it.

OhamIreally · 27/07/2021 19:54

@callmebettie

YABU

He still needs a life to? He won't be stopping you surely, a baby doesn't need 2 of you all the time and life doesn't stop. My DH booked to go a special racing event on my due date, he has a season ticket, works and also goes fishing.
It doesn't bother me as when he is home we make most of family time and I find it easier on my own. He is worse then my 3 children

Booked a special event on your due date and you were fine with that? Wow your standards are low.
callmebettie · 27/07/2021 20:06

@OhamIreally it was booked well before my due date came around. It wasn't far so if anything did happen he could come straight home (it didn't for 2 weeks anyway!!!) no big deal is it because I went out for my dinner with friends ???? I don't need him glued to my bloody hip, I have independence and I don't have low standards either, just get on with life. It's a due date doesn't mean your going to have them that day. I felt fine and wanted to get on with my life not just sit like a chicken sat on an egg

ShowMeTheSugar · 27/07/2021 20:11

He is worse then my 3 children would suggest shockingly low standards tbf.

OP you might find it easier to be on your own & managing as a unit of 2 than staying with him, constantly hoping for something he doesn't want to give and feeling on your own anyway.

Graphista · 27/07/2021 20:53

The way he has responded to you being in PAIN also makes me extremely angry!

It is NOT just "part of pregnancy" and even if it was - wtf would he know?! If you could and if he would agree to it I'd be seeing ball bearings into his clothes at the lower back and hips in such a ways as they dig in and cause HIM to be in pain when walking/sitting etc but he doesn't care

Seriously op I think you'd be better off going home to your mum!

If you were my dd and this was her "partner" I would be advising the same.

He's useless, uncaring, selfish!

Original poster
Firsttimemum1999 · 27/07/2021 21:12

@Graphista

The way he has responded to you being in PAIN also makes me extremely angry!

It is NOT just "part of pregnancy" and even if it was - wtf would he know?! If you could and if he would agree to it I'd be seeing ball bearings into his clothes at the lower back and hips in such a ways as they dig in and cause HIM to be in pain when walking/sitting etc but he doesn't care

Seriously op I think you'd be better off going home to your mum!

If you were my dd and this was her "partner" I would be advising the same.

He's useless, uncaring, selfish!

Before I moved into his house with parents I was living with my grandmother due to the relationship I had with my mum and her partner didn't help that and unfortunately my Nan been really poorly these last few years so It not fair on her with having an new born in the house
OP posts:
QueeniesCroft · 27/07/2021 21:14

On a practical note, it is much easier to leave an unpleasant or abusive partner before the baby is born rather than afterwards. Ask your midwife for help.
I had SPD/PGP in five of my pregnancies and it was agony. He is being a nob and I don't for one moment believe that it will get any better. Please think about leaving.

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 27/07/2021 21:19

I would have been livid, but with the benefit of hindsight I would have taken it as an opportunity. For every hour he spends at the football, you get out of the house on your own - no baby. My other half worked long hours 6 days a week for 8 months and it was hard, mainly cos I didn’t get any down time. But if you can get some time out to just do lunch or go for a swim…. What’s good for the goose is food for the gander.

Zilla1 · 27/07/2021 21:19

Try to keep a fallback option open, OP, whether to your grandmothers or to emergency accommodation through your midwife, OP. It sounds like you could risk being outnumbered by your BF and in laws if things don't go well. Try not to think they are right and you are wrong just because there are more of them.

Good luck.

Zilla1 · 27/07/2021 21:20

Don't presume what would or wouldn't be fair on your grandmother, OP, unless she's told you.

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 27/07/2021 21:22

Oh, just read the second post. He sounds like a dick. Deffo have an escape route/planB. You may find when the baby comes you run out of patience for his nonsense.

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