My Partner has brought an season ticket without asking me how i feel, and I’m due to have our baby boy in august

[Firsttimemum1999]

Hi all,

I don’t know if I’m being reasonable, my partner went out and brought his first ever season ticket yesterday, but he never once asked me about how I felt about him getting one he automatically did it while I asked him before I do stuff. I’m due to have our little boy in august when the seasons starts, which makes things even worst. I’ll be looking after him all day when he’s working and I feel like I’m going to be constantly looking after our son all the time and I won’t get that time to myself which he can clearly get. He doesn’t seem to understand how I’m feeling about it all and when I try and tell him I’m the bad guy. I don’t mind him getting one but thought he could have at least waiting an few years for when our son was abit older. Because just before my due date there is two matches and I told him when I’m getting close I don’t want him to really go out and he’s determining to go to the matches. I generally constantly Feels like he’s putting his needs and wants before his unborn son

Sorry OP but this relationship is looking grim. Don't plan to reduce your hours at work. You need to work FT. Also make him do equal share of all childcare and don't take long maternity. You need to provide for your child and I don't think you can rely on your partner.

It sounds like you need to stay with his parents but be wary that they will have rights to your child when you and dp break up.

Ask him if he will be buying a sling or a lightweight buggy for when he takes the baby to matches

@Firsttimemum1999 if you bf you don't need formula. I found it easier as less faffing about with bottles but I appreciate some arent able to. It's worth trying.

Are his parents going to do childcare when you go back to work or do you have to pay nursery fees? Maternity leave is crap if you are poor and don't have many friends in the same boat. Being in a house with your in laws who may not respect you could be awful. @Firsttimemum1999

I don't know why everyone is giving him a hard time - sounds like he works very long hours.
You'll get a break when baby naps.

I think it might be ok, if he went directly to the match and directly back home.

I recon more of a problem is drinks/socialising before and after, taking up half the day.

This is about so much more than season tickets. This isn’t how a decent partner treats a pregnant woman.

I’m guessing you are like many of us who have difficult relationships with our parents and just don’t have any idea of what a healthy relationship looks like.

Are you sure your grandmother isn’t an option? Not for you with the father, just for you and the baby.

Then speak to your midwife and get support to get a place of your own.

You'll be better off than where you are just now.

And get the support you need as much as possible from official sources, because I really don't think this "man" or his family will do so

@sleepyhoglet I agree on bf/ff

I bf initially cos of all the health stuff but then when I lost my milk and had to ff I found it a complete pain in the arse! I found Bf so much easier, cheaper and more convenient once established.

Formula we had a right old time finding the right formula, bottles and teats for dd. Then there was the faff every day with washing and sterilising and making up bottles, then if they don't finish the bottle it's wasted, you have to use it within a couple of hours etc - pain in the backside! And bloody expensive too!

@ribbonsred I sincerely hope you were drunk when you posted otherwise if you read this young woman's posts and have sympathy for her "partner" then God help you

Equally I've also done both and my goodness formula feeding was easier.

The difference was that I have a partner that did half of all night feeds 7 days a week (or we alternated nights), and did most of the bottle admin I was never really tired, wheras with my bf baby the feeding burden (and it's heavy) fell on me alone, especially as I had a bottle refuser.

If a single parent I might find bf easier though, though I think combi would still be my preference so I could get a break sometimes.

There are a thousand threads in this anyway, upshot being there are pros and cons to both, some people prefer bottle some people prefer boob, and it's no one else's business but your own.

Yes pros and cons to both. I preferred bf. Just found it way easier

Bf way to go but you need help reach for it. It can be difficult at the start but it's worth it

Bloody hell, he’s a fucking wanker, sorry, OP. He isn’t interested in having a baby or your comfort/well-being. He plans on looking after his own child only when he comes back from a match having been out drinking? Lovely.

I did a quick google for support organisations in the UK and came up with family lives. Has anyone posting here used their services? Are they good? Would they help Op?

www.familylives.org.uk/advice/your-family/parenting/where-can-young-parents-go-for-support/

Despite all the posters falling over themselves to say you are being unreasonable, I would say you are entirely reasonable to see what happens after the baby, judge the extent to which he wishes to parent and spend time with you, and then make your decision on the back of it. You are quite within your rights not be a football widow, doing all the work whilst he priorities his leisure choices.

1. He makes time snd money for this because its more important to him.
2. Hes showing you who is so believe him
3. You can't reason him into changing his mind.
4. Why would he change his mind? Clearly you are going to put up with it and stick around.
5. OP, i agree with you it's not on so respect yourself and your son and put your foot down.

Fwiw i had an ex who used to never have money to do anything with me bit always found money for drinks or gping out woth hisates or buying stuff for himself. I wasted five years of my life with that loser. Im now with someone who would never do what your partner is doing because our family comes first. Dont settle for a half-family where you compromise daily because you're so desperate for it to all work out. It sounds like you'll be putting up with a lot of rubbish to make his life easier to keep the relationship together.