My Partner has brought an season ticket without asking me how i feel, and I’m due to have our baby boy in august

[Firsttimemum1999]

Hi all,

I don’t know if I’m being reasonable, my partner went out and brought his first ever season ticket yesterday, but he never once asked me about how I felt about him getting one he automatically did it while I asked him before I do stuff. I’m due to have our little boy in august when the seasons starts, which makes things even worst. I’ll be looking after him all day when he’s working and I feel like I’m going to be constantly looking after our son all the time and I won’t get that time to myself which he can clearly get. He doesn’t seem to understand how I’m feeling about it all and when I try and tell him I’m the bad guy. I don’t mind him getting one but thought he could have at least waiting an few years for when our son was abit older. Because just before my due date there is two matches and I told him when I’m getting close I don’t want him to really go out and he’s determining to go to the matches. I generally constantly Feels like he’s putting his needs and wants before his unborn son

Is it because this is in AIBU, do you think, @LalalalalalaLand123? It seems to be quite the zone these days.

@LalalalalalaLand123 My DH really stepped up as myself and our son were in critical care units. He had to cope not knowing if we would survive and then for 21 years on help care for our severely disabled son. He's helped me through a very rough birth recovery, breast cancer and now long covid. I know I am very fortunate after reading on here what other women experience from the men who are supposed to love and care for them.

I'm sorry you didn't know your dad, OP, but really there are so many things that can be missing in a childhood. Some people have parents who fight all the time, some people have the example of a mother being walked over. Very few people have a perfect childhood and a perfect childhood does not necessarily make a perfect adult.

You are going to have a son who, if you stay in this situation, is going to imitate his father.

@RevolvingPivot

My husband was in Afghanistan when our first was born.

Bloody hell, that's so far away! What team did he have a season ticket for, was it Javan Minan Kabul FC or Mahmoudiyeh FC by any chance? I hope you put your foot down.

Summer holidays are destroying me, when I read the title I thought it was about a train season ticket !

It is too much for him to be out every weekend, you will need some support, especially in the first few weeks/months. It shouldn't all rest on you. He's the father and he should help too. Yes, he is working but you are looking after the baby all day and night.

Your not the 1st person to have a baby and you won't be the last

Life goes on

@EKGEMS
Was booked before I was given my date, I told him to go as I nee I wasn't near ready. I wouldn't expect it to be put on hold as life does go on, I still went out for lunch on my due date. I was 2 weeks late. I'd of gone insane if I sat waiting for 2 weeks
@Babyboomtastic it isn't sad I just find things easier on my own but my routine is a lot stricter when he isn't around. Nothing bad I just like been alone sometimes ! I don't need someone glued to my hip because I have kids

Are you married? I'm guessing not as you say partner. I can understand your annoyance as you expect him to be there for you at the drop of a hat. Sadly it doesn't work like that. And unless your married you have no say in how he spends his money

Your not the 1st person to have a baby and you won't be the last

Life goes on

There's a wedding guest outfit thread that needs this level of critical thinking over there >>> hurry now!

MN is really weird about this subject, with a strange competitive edge to who can cope for longest without the baby's dad as if they're not majorly taking the piss. It's obviously very selfish of him to think this was a good year to do this, especially as he never has before. What was he thinking?

I would probably illustrate how ridiculous this is by asking him how he plans to accommodate an equal amount of time for YOUR hobby.

And unless your married you have no say in how he spends his money

This has to be worthy of an award of some kind

Is it because this is in AIBU, do you think, @LalalalalalaLand123?

I think you might be right @SpindleWhorl. I sure hope so, anyway! OP perhaps consider getting your thread moved to the relationships board rather than AIBU.....

@EKGEMS I'm so sorry for all the hardships you have faced and are facing - I'm glad you have a supportive partner by your side.

@LalalalalalaLand123 Thank you!

Some really weird responses on here @Firsttimemum1999 pay them no mind when they're saying you have no say in his money or time, to be blunt- f*ck that shit !!!!!

I'd be livid too, especially if it wasn't discussed. You are due a baby, he needs to not be planning his free time out and his finances without consulting you first. Bang out of order.

I'm honestly shocked how many PPs are acting as if the woman should be happy to let her partner go off and have their free time while they care for baby Monday to Sunday 24/7. Sack that.

When I had our first DD last year agreement was that we get equal time and I expect to get a break when he's home from work. I also expect him to WANT family time so not planning hobbies for the weekend all the time which is the only time we all really get together! DH didn't go to the gym or football for about 8 months as why the hell am I expected to do it all alone. Big fat nope. Some of the responses on this thread are making me want to scream into my cuppa 😤 dramatic maybe but it's just so bloody worrying how many people still see childcare/childrearing as solely the mothers responsibility!

OP - set him straight. Also make sure he knows what he will be doing parenting wise. You want to make a list of all cleaning, baby, household admin tasks and show them to him asking which half of the tasks he wants to take on board! Just because he's working doesn't mean he gets his 'free time' coz you certainly won't with baby on the way!

MN is really weird about this subject, with a strange competitive edge to who can cope for longest without the baby's dad as if they're not majorly taking the piss.

Uh huh. As if there's a medal available for the coolest wife.

I suppose it's because some women in less than optimal relationships want to think of themselves as being happy (I mean, that's understandable).

I think it becomes unfair when they get a bit mean about it though, and project it about onto women who clearly aren't happy.

@wigjuice

I'm sorry to say this but he has a life outside you, working in a pub, socialising, football. I bet most of his friends don't even know you. You are 'er indoors, tucked away nicely in his family home. Unless he matures rapidly I doubt he will get any better. I was in a similar position once, I stayed till my confidence had been smashed to smithereens. Prepare yourself, if you can go back to work, do so.

He’s not even going out with his mates to matches he’s going with dad, who even told him they won’t get an ticket if It’s gonna cause bother between us as we was just arguing all day about it as he wasn’t listening to how I was feeling so his dad said not to get one after what’s I’ve explain how I feel but my partner was determined to get one so they still went and got one even though he dad say no for our family stake and relationship

@lastcall

Personally?

I'd dump him.

File a claim for child support.

He's showing you who he is: you are 100% responsible for all things baby and home, he's even spent all his money on a season ticket, so any spare time he has he'll be at the games or looking for another shift at the pub (with his mates, no doubt), and he's a heavy drinker to boot.

Fuck him.

Leave now and find a better life for yourself and your baby, OP, one where you are a priority, not a last thought.

I agree 100 percent with this. He sounds selfish and immature and I think the OP would be so much better off without him. I am sorry you are dealing with this at a time when you need love and support.

@Firsttimemum1999

When I tried to talk to him yesterday morning he told me to chill my beans or that he doesn’t seem to see my problem, like my mum offered to have him every Friday night when he’s abit older for her to spend time with him as his mum and dad will have everyday to spend time with our son and my partner turned around and said why don’t you use that time your mum has him for your time to chill out etc but she offered to have him so me and my partner can do things together or spend time together. He said when he’s comes home from matches and he’s not working for me to give him the baby so I can either have an nap or chill out but I don’t think I would want to with him been out drinking if you get what I mean?

You need to make it his problem. Ask him if you're parenting whilst he works and has time off what is he going to do to ensure that you have equal time off and equal access to finances?

@starsdontburn

I don't understand this mumsnet move of making out like having a baby is a piece of piss and women should just shut up and let their partners go out every night. It's so weird.

He's being selfish. Incredibly so. The money, the time away, the refusal to compromise. It's all very telling. My friend has a similar situation with her partner, started out going to football matches every Saturday. Then it was staying at his mates Saturday night as he had been drinking but promised to be home early Sunday, that became rolling in Sunday afternoon. Then he started playing darts in a Tuesday. He's absolutely fucking useless, does sod all. Don't let that happen!

"staying at his mates" ayyyye! Ugh

You're in a very vulnerable position living with his parents and he doesn't sound very promising as a dad. You're both very young but you'll be okay. Don't give up work, keep your job and start saving. Make plans for yourself and your baby. Take advantage of his parents being there and use the free childcare while you have it. Most importantly, sort out your contraception so there aren't any more unplanned babies. It's not ideal but you can do it.

Can I also say the time we have been together he has only ever been to 3 matches since we’ve been together two of them was cups game and 1 was a friendly game so not really proper league games. But few weeks ago when it’s was euros he was complaining how 70,000 fans can be in an football stadium and he can’t be with me when I’m waiting to go into a room when I had to go into for an check up and then when lockdown rules got change he saying he didn’t agree you was allowed all fans back in the stadium from when season starts and he’s can only be with me 2 hour an days if I have to stay in after I’ve given birth. And Now he’s gone back on what he said and become one of these fans in the stadium

@Firsttimemum1999 So what are you going to do? You know he’s a waste of space making excuses.

Gather financial document copies next time you’re home alone. Get your mum and friends to pack all the baby stuff, and bring it to her house. As soon as you can, file a CMS claim. Plan to raise this baby in a secure, independent environment.

You don’t have to make any big decisions right now.
Once you have this baby, either abstain from sex or make sure your birth control is iron clad.
You also need to start thinking about returning to work full time instead of part time.
I would not be making life plans that rely on this man-child.

Was this baby planned ?

It sounds unlikely

How long were you together before you got pregnant?

Frankly he sounds useless! I think you'd be better off on your own, certainly wouldn't rely on him or reduce your hours.

You're living with his parents too.

This has disaster written all over it!

Op you're only v slightly older than my dd, if you were my dd I'd be having serious words with the selfish little shit and warning her to prepare for single motherhood

On formula - DO NOT "stock up" on this as until baby is here you don't know whether they'll be ok with it. I bf initially but had to switch to formula around 10 month mark as my milk dried up. It wasn't until the 4th brand we tried that we hit one dd didn't instantly puke up! Ditto bottles and teats - took several goes to find right ones for her that didn't make her ill or frustrated

He was wanting an car seat base to keep in the car but he said he didn’t wanna pay £115 for that but he was happy to pay £400 for an season ticket.

Yea he's not ready to be a dad I'm afraid

Tbh I'd advise you prepare for not just being a single mum but a lone parent. I think you won't see this guy for dust once baby is born

Actions speak louder than worth words op

You cabt push someone away who was never there

Yep!