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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not giving my friend a lift home?

406 replies

Acey68 · 26/07/2021 20:05

My friend and I were at a mutual friends house to watch the WC final. I drove as I don't live too close (30 mins drive or so). My other friend lives a 15 minute bus ride away in the opposite direction to me and caught the bus there. She doesn't drive and planned to get an Uber home back to hers at the end of the night.
When the game finished and she attempted to get a taxi she noticed that the surcharge meant the taxi fare had doubled it's usual price. She asked me if I would mind giving her a lift home due to this, as she didn't want to pay the pricey taxi fare.
I said that I didn't really feel comfortable driving her home as I had 2 small glasses of wine over the course of the evening with a dinner, so was in that grey area where I was likely fine (felt fine) but for me I didn't want to spend longer in the car then I had to, just in case. She lives very centrally in the middle of a main high street with lots of pubs, bars and drunk people inevitably falling out of them and probably a higher police presence and traffic after the game and taking her home would have added 30 mins to my journey time.
I just wanted to get on the road and head back. I told her I would give her a lift to the bus stop and wait with her (once on the bus it takes her to her door in the middle of the high street she lives on, so no long walks) or offered to go halves on the taxi with her which she refused as she said the price was ridiculous and she wouldn't take my money for it.
She's been very off with me since and it came out the other day how disappointed with me, I am a selfish friend, she doesn't buy the excuse I gave, this shows I am only interested in myself and not helping others etc etc
As far as I see a lift is a favour not to be expected, and found myself having to justify why I didn't want to take her home. (She caught the bus in the end and it was fine)
We had a big fight and I'm upset and questioning myself now. AIBU?

OP posts:
AnyOldLion · 26/07/2021 20:54

I kind of get what you mean op.

I'm a very nervous driver and an anxious person in general. I only passed my driving test in my 30s, in an automatic.

I'm not keen on driving routes/in areas I'm not familiar with. I'm not keen on driving in the dark full stop. When I'm driving nobody can speak to me.

I would have sooner offered to pay half her Uber than drive her myself.

May sound stupid, but I'm not even a fan of driving around my own city in areas I don't know. I pretty much drive to work, shops, and my family. That's all.

I might sound like a snowflake, but that's how things are.

PurpleHoodie · 26/07/2021 20:54

mcnervous

This is why I prefer zero tolerance in Scotland. No grey area. So to me yabu for driving yourself never mind her

Another informative post. A reminder that the UK has separate laws.

BoxHedge · 26/07/2021 20:55

INSANE to drive after two glasses of wine.

YABU

PurpleHoodie · 26/07/2021 20:55

^separate applied laws.

imabloodyidiot · 26/07/2021 20:55

I think it's a bit of a questionable one. You shouldn't have been driving if you were unsure if you were over the limit. To use that as an excuse is a bit flimsy. But yes she was cheeky. Also which year was this? Are you referring to the World Cup football final? I'm not very sporty so probably being dim

TopBlogger · 26/07/2021 20:56

@neverknowinglyunreasonable

If you don't think you should be driving then you shouldn't be driving. Either way I hope you get some closure, it can't be nice having this hang over you for three years.
Grin ooh I do love a good sarky reply Grin
LawnFever · 26/07/2021 20:56

@Acey68

I mean grey area in the sense that how can anyone really know unless you drink nothing? Which I appreciate is preferable, but I planned what amount I could drink to be safe and under the limit and then had dinner on top of that and didn't drink 4 hours before driving. Not in the sense that 'oh gosh I feel half cut, but I should be fine'. Surely I can't be the only one who has had a drink earlier in the evening with dinner and then driven much later??
If you were under the limit you should’ve given your friend a lift home.

If you were over the limit you shouldn’t have driven anywhere.

There’s no grey area.

RogueMnerHidesUnderABigHat · 26/07/2021 20:58

@Acey68

I mean grey area in the sense that how can anyone really know unless you drink nothing? Which I appreciate is preferable, but I planned what amount I could drink to be safe and under the limit and then had dinner on top of that and didn't drink 4 hours before driving. Not in the sense that 'oh gosh I feel half cut, but I should be fine'. Surely I can't be the only one who has had a drink earlier in the evening with dinner and then driven much later??
On which case the excuse you gave her was poor.

You should have been more honest that it was late and you were tired.
I'd have been a bit pissed off with you too, I think. But I wouldn't hang on to the resentment or bring it up later.

Stompythedinosaur · 26/07/2021 21:00

Two glasses of wine is probably 4 units of alcohol. I doubt you were under the drink drove limit.

If you had been safe to drive then you should have taken your friend home.

mcnervous · 26/07/2021 21:01

@PurpleHoodie thanks and since you called me informative I thought I better put the exact facts Grin

It's not quite zero tolerance but it's so low it practically is just before anyone jumps on that! I wouldn't have anything now if I'm driving and my friends/family all do the same since the law changed

Exact amounts below -
In Scotland the limits are 22 microgrammes in breath and 50 milligrammes in 100ml of blood. The drink-drive limit in Scotland was reduced in 2014 - so just one drink could out you over the limit. With just 10mg per 100ml of blood you are 37 per cent more likely to be involved in a fatal road accident than when sober.

brokenbiscuitsx · 26/07/2021 21:01

Shouldn’t be driving after 2 glasses of wine! You know this! People are killed every day by drunk drivers, you also know this. Why did you do it? Angry

coastalimpact · 26/07/2021 21:01

Not sure whether YABU or YANBU because

If you weren't fit to drive her home, you weren't fit to drive. It doesn't matter where she lives or where you live, if you've had enough to compromise your driving ability you shouldn't be behind the wheel of a car.

But, I think you were pretty nice to her, offering to pay half the taxi fare and waiting with her for the bus, so I don't think she should be upset with you.

But I do think you should check the drink driving rules and if you're over the limit don't drive. Anywhere.

Famousinlove · 26/07/2021 21:02

wc final as in world cup? I voted YABU but if she's held a grudge since 2018 she's BU

FeloniusGru · 26/07/2021 21:02

Just to echo everyone else (thank goodness you seem to be the minority OP) - if you weren’t safe to drive your friend home, you weren’t safe to drive at all Angry
Totally fine not to want to go out of your way to take her home but you should have been getting a taxi of your own.

Rioja81 · 26/07/2021 21:02

That's as may be, but then why use it as an excuse not to give her a lift?

mumsyme2 · 26/07/2021 21:02

Agree that YABU. If you felt fine to drive, you should have driven her home. To suggest that she get on public transport in the evening after a match in which "drunk people were falling out of bars" wasn't cool - Who do you think was on the bus with her that night?? It would have taken you an extra 30 minutes to get home, yes, but she's your friend. Its a gesture that would have eventually paid itself back ten fold. Being a friend means that you sometimes give generously even when its not convenient for you.... and those are the moments that build lifelong friendships. But yea, again, you should have either driven both of you home, or taken a cab yourself.

Maddison12 · 26/07/2021 21:03

Well you were either drink driving or you weren't. It's a bit weird that you didn't want to take your friend home as you'd had too much to drink but you were fine to drive yourself home.

To answer your question, I wouldn’t expect to get public transport home when my friend's there with her car, same as if I'm there with my car I wouldn't see my friend getting the bus home. YABU

BronwenFrideswide · 26/07/2021 21:03

This:

If you were under the limit you should’ve given your friend a lift home.

If you were over the limit you shouldn’t have driven anywhere.

There’s no grey area.

PurpleHoodie · 26/07/2021 21:03

Friend/Aquaintence has learned a lesson in ensuring they get themselves home safely after an evening out in the future.

Lurker drivers here have learned lessons, that applications of law apply differently in the UK regarding alcohol and driving.

Critical Thinkers are aware that "two glasses of wine" affect a 20st weightlifting man differently than an 8st woman.

The "schools out" outrage is always a sight to behold.

TheRebelle · 26/07/2021 21:04

I get what you mean OP, you ate a meal with two glasses of wine at say 6 then drove at 10, so while you’re fine to drive you’re fatigued and while ok to drive for 30 mins driving for an hour will make you too tired.

Anyway I think she’s a cheeky cow for expecting a lift because she doesn’t want to pay for a taxi, you’re not a free taxi.

Mockolate · 26/07/2021 21:04

Honestly for me, regardless of where she lives YWBU to use alcohol as an excuse you were either below the limit and safe to drive or you weren’t, for me no grey area.

This.
You were drink driving - you thought you were fine to drive yourself back after a couple of glasses of wine, but not her?
How does that work then, as you're either fine to drive or you're not.
YABU,

PurpleHoodie · 26/07/2021 21:06

Even if sober: "No. I don't want to" is an acceptable answer.

Especially if it is known the asker is a bit of a piss-taker/has viable, easy options.

MrsSkylerWhite · 26/07/2021 21:07

If this isn’t a wind up, you shouldn’t have been driving anywhere.

Lovemusic33 · 26/07/2021 21:08

You shouldn’t have had a drink then you could have offered to drive her home for fuel costs.

If I’m driving I don’t touch drink at all, it’s just too risky.

MinkeDinkie · 26/07/2021 21:09

If you were fine to drive why the excuse you had too much to drink? Because you felt it unreasonable to say "No I can't be bothered"?