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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not giving my friend a lift home?

406 replies

Acey68 · 26/07/2021 20:05

My friend and I were at a mutual friends house to watch the WC final. I drove as I don't live too close (30 mins drive or so). My other friend lives a 15 minute bus ride away in the opposite direction to me and caught the bus there. She doesn't drive and planned to get an Uber home back to hers at the end of the night.
When the game finished and she attempted to get a taxi she noticed that the surcharge meant the taxi fare had doubled it's usual price. She asked me if I would mind giving her a lift home due to this, as she didn't want to pay the pricey taxi fare.
I said that I didn't really feel comfortable driving her home as I had 2 small glasses of wine over the course of the evening with a dinner, so was in that grey area where I was likely fine (felt fine) but for me I didn't want to spend longer in the car then I had to, just in case. She lives very centrally in the middle of a main high street with lots of pubs, bars and drunk people inevitably falling out of them and probably a higher police presence and traffic after the game and taking her home would have added 30 mins to my journey time.
I just wanted to get on the road and head back. I told her I would give her a lift to the bus stop and wait with her (once on the bus it takes her to her door in the middle of the high street she lives on, so no long walks) or offered to go halves on the taxi with her which she refused as she said the price was ridiculous and she wouldn't take my money for it.
She's been very off with me since and it came out the other day how disappointed with me, I am a selfish friend, she doesn't buy the excuse I gave, this shows I am only interested in myself and not helping others etc etc
As far as I see a lift is a favour not to be expected, and found myself having to justify why I didn't want to take her home. (She caught the bus in the end and it was fine)
We had a big fight and I'm upset and questioning myself now. AIBU?

OP posts:
MagnoliaBeige · 26/07/2021 20:16

If there are any “grey areas” around alcohol and driving, you don’t drive so you’re an idiot for risking it. You aren’t obliged to give your friend a lift for any reason though.

Nsky · 26/07/2021 20:16

I will help someone if not out of my way, don’t drink tho.
Unless good friend

thinkingaboutitall · 26/07/2021 20:16

I see both sides of this

I don’t think you should leave your friends alone after a night out, you know lone women are vulnerable (though we shouldn’t be etc). If I was you, I would have offered the lift. You shouldn’t have had the wine if you thought it would impact your driving, regardless of dropping anyone off or not. You’re a danger to other road users regardless of the distance.

However if I was your friend I wouldn’t have expected a lift nor got stroppy. It’s common knowledge that taxi apps surge up at that time of night, especially after a major event like the euro finals

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 26/07/2021 20:17

Nooooo, she’s saying it’s fine to drink and drive as long as she doesn’t get caught...

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/07/2021 20:17

Reverse? Because you seem so unreasonable.

AvocadoPlant · 26/07/2021 20:18

The match finished late, and expecting you to add a half hour to your journey, to a central location with lots of drunk people and the potential for accidents, nope yanbu to say no.
It’s often quoted on here - No is a complete sentence!

Batshittery · 26/07/2021 20:18

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

"I'm not giving you a lift because there will be a lot of police near your house and I'll get caught drink driving, I prefer to do it slyly when I'm unlikely to be caught"
Exactly this. The rest is waffle
PersonaNonGarter · 26/07/2021 20:19

I can’t get past your drink driving.

You both sound bad.

BowiesJumper · 26/07/2021 20:19

I’d not have drunk if I was driving and therefore not had that bizarre/worrying excuse to hand. I have driven friends home multiple times and added more than 30 mins to my journey a few times. It’s what friends are for!

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 26/07/2021 20:19

YANBU to not drive thirty minutes out of your way at about midnight just because she doesn't want to use the transport available to her but YABseriouslyU to say this -

"I said that I didn't really feel comfortable driving her home as I had 2 small glasses of wine over the course of the evening with a dinner, so was in that grey area where I was likely fine (felt fine) but for me I didn't want to spend longer in the car then I had to, just in case".

That is obviously either a bad way of getting out of giving her a lift, so she likely felt it an insult to her intelligence, or worse you actually think that, and if you do that isn't ok. Drink driving is drink driving so you either feel safe to drive and know you're below the limit and you drive or you dont feel safe to and ate over the limit so you dont. You dont "drive less" because you "think" you're ok but dont want to "just in case". When there is a "just in case" with driving at night and after drinking you just dont do it.

So no, YANBU to have not done it and she's BU there, going on about it for weeks when she doesn't drive but didnt want to take a bus, pay for a taxi, or sort her own way of getting home like am adult. But you were BU if you didnt take her because of what you said, instead of just because you didn't want to.

AddsVsGeorgs · 26/07/2021 20:20

You shouldnt drink and drive !

Grey area - Bullocks!

Take a taxi yourself next time

MikeWozniaksGloriousTache · 26/07/2021 20:20

@maxineputyourredshoeson

Honestly for me, regardless of where she lives YWBU to use alcohol as an excuse you were either below the limit and safe to drive or you weren’t, for me no grey area.
This 100%
Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow · 26/07/2021 20:20

@AvocadoPlant

The match finished late, and expecting you to add a half hour to your journey, to a central location with lots of drunk people and the potential for accidents, nope yanbu to say no. It’s often quoted on here - No is a complete sentence!
No is a complete sentence.

So is " you are very selfish and a bad friend "

Wolfiefan · 26/07/2021 20:20

YABU to drink and drive.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/07/2021 20:22

@GetTaeFuck

You’re a drink driver, YABVU.
@GetTaeFuck is right. You shouldn’t have driven anywhere, @Acey68.

I wouldn’t be at all surprised if you had underestimated how much wine you had had - I have seen experiments where people were asked to guess how much alcohol they’d had, and many of them underestimated how much they had drunk. So the chances are that you were over the limit - and if you weren’t, you would have been close to it, and your ability to drive would have been impaired.

As you yourself said, you were ‘in the grey area’ - which translates to me as somewhat pissed but not too pissed - and personally I don’t want somewhat pissed people on the road.

Another experiment I saw gave people measured amounts of alcohol, and then put them in a driving simulator, and showed that even after one unit, their reaction times were slowed, and after two, there were more effects.

Please do not drink and drive. Stop now before you kill someone.

Viviennemary · 26/07/2021 20:22

You should not have driven at all. Obviously you were worried. Extremely irresponsible and dangerous.

Batshittery · 26/07/2021 20:22

@satci. I think wc is World Cup which was 3 years ago. I presume the OP means the recent Euro 2020 (or she really does need to get over it) Grin

Notwavingbutdrowing3 · 26/07/2021 20:22

Yanbu

I understand what you meant. That after a few hours alcohol burns off 1 unit an hour but you'd still had a bit although under limit but you were tired and wanted to go straight home not drive opposite way to a busy area for half hour and then still have your journey home to do.

Next time don't give an excuse, it's "no, I'm tired and am not driving in the opposite direction."

It wasn't your responsibility to sort out her getting home, nor to offer to pay half her taxi!!, when she had multiple options

She's the selfish friend, not you. She's trying to manipulate you . Just say "yup I am so selfish you acted as if your journey home is my job when I was not involved in your travel plans , so selfish I offered to pay half your taxi, so selfish & bad a friend that I'm listening to you talking rubbish & not laughing my head off and telling others what a CF you are. I'd stop going on now friend - you should look at your behaviour not mine "

IonaLeg · 26/07/2021 20:22

YABU for driving at all when you weren’t sure if you’d had too many. You’re either sober enough to safely drive any distance in any circumstances, or you’re not sober enough to drive at all. There is absolutely no in between.

Sapnupuas · 26/07/2021 20:23

WC final?

Do you mean Euros?

OurChristmasMiracle · 26/07/2021 20:24

You were being very unreasonable and damn right irresponsible driving when thinking you could be over the limit.

And yes 2 small glasses would place you over the limit. Doesn’t matter whether you felt “fine” or not.

legalseagull · 26/07/2021 20:24

Surely this is fake? You're saying you're ok to drink drive, just not toooooo far.

trevthecat · 26/07/2021 20:25

There is no 'grey area' for drink driving

BillyIsMyBunny · 26/07/2021 20:26

I’ve never heard of a ‘gray area’ when it comes to drink driving. You either drink little enough to know you’re under the limit in which case you’re safe to drive or you drink more than you know to definitely be safe in which case you should absolutely not be driving at all!

If you weren’t confident you were safe to drive her home you shouldn’t have been confident to drive yourself home either.

Summersun2020 · 26/07/2021 20:26

YABVVVU. Either you’re over the limit or you’re not.