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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not giving my friend a lift home?

406 replies

Acey68 · 26/07/2021 20:05

My friend and I were at a mutual friends house to watch the WC final. I drove as I don't live too close (30 mins drive or so). My other friend lives a 15 minute bus ride away in the opposite direction to me and caught the bus there. She doesn't drive and planned to get an Uber home back to hers at the end of the night.
When the game finished and she attempted to get a taxi she noticed that the surcharge meant the taxi fare had doubled it's usual price. She asked me if I would mind giving her a lift home due to this, as she didn't want to pay the pricey taxi fare.
I said that I didn't really feel comfortable driving her home as I had 2 small glasses of wine over the course of the evening with a dinner, so was in that grey area where I was likely fine (felt fine) but for me I didn't want to spend longer in the car then I had to, just in case. She lives very centrally in the middle of a main high street with lots of pubs, bars and drunk people inevitably falling out of them and probably a higher police presence and traffic after the game and taking her home would have added 30 mins to my journey time.
I just wanted to get on the road and head back. I told her I would give her a lift to the bus stop and wait with her (once on the bus it takes her to her door in the middle of the high street she lives on, so no long walks) or offered to go halves on the taxi with her which she refused as she said the price was ridiculous and she wouldn't take my money for it.
She's been very off with me since and it came out the other day how disappointed with me, I am a selfish friend, she doesn't buy the excuse I gave, this shows I am only interested in myself and not helping others etc etc
As far as I see a lift is a favour not to be expected, and found myself having to justify why I didn't want to take her home. (She caught the bus in the end and it was fine)
We had a big fight and I'm upset and questioning myself now. AIBU?

OP posts:
AvocadoPlant · 26/07/2021 20:26

What’s selfish about refusing to give someone a lift, it hadn’t been offered, she had already decided to get an Uber, and the op offered to pay half to cover the excess cost.

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow
" you are very selfish and a bad friend "

Alternatively “you are entitled and self centred to take offence that I don’t want to drive you home so late at night but I will share the cost of the Uber you had planned to get anyway”

Aprilx · 26/07/2021 20:27

YABU. You are either over the limit or you are not, there is no grey area.

Assuming that you were ok to drive, then yes I think it was a bit crap to make a friend take public transport at night when it would be no more than a ten minute drive for you (cars being quicker than buses). I would not consider you much of a friend after that.

viques · 26/07/2021 20:28

@RunnerDuck2020

If you’d had too much to drink you shouldn’t have been driving anywhere.
This. With knobs on. As soon as you drink alcohol your perception of your fitness to drive starts to blur. I wish we had a zero tolerance for any alcohol drunk for drivers, it would make the rules clearer for idiots like the OP.
Smartiepants79 · 26/07/2021 20:28

At that time of night I would always take anyone home.
And the others are right. You’re either safe to drive or you’re not!
I think you misjudged this one and I’d have been a bit fed up if I was your friend also.

Cillmantain · 26/07/2021 20:29

YABVU
You were drink driving.
You shouldn't have drove home.
Your excuse was a load of crap too.

Summersun2020 · 26/07/2021 20:29

Also it’s mean to not give your friend a lift, I’d never let my friend take public transport alone at night when I could drop her off safely. Terrible friend.

ThinWomansBrain · 26/07/2021 20:30

I always avoid driving on occasions like this (OK, WC infrequent, but local football team in FA cup or whatever) - simply because I expect the likelihood of drunken twats being out driving increases.

Notwavingbutdrowing3 · 26/07/2021 20:30

I don't condone drink driving though. If you must drink, only have very small one and wait. But she's in the wrong here

LawnFever · 26/07/2021 20:30

@maxineputyourredshoeson

Honestly for me, regardless of where she lives YWBU to use alcohol as an excuse you were either below the limit and safe to drive or you weren’t, for me no grey area.
Totally agree, if you’d had too much to drink you shouldn’t have driven anywhere - but if you were ok to drive home you should’ve given her a lift, you can’t have it both ways
Marmite27 · 26/07/2021 20:31

YABU, not for refusing to give your friend a lift, that’s entirely your prerogative, but for drinking when you were driving.

IMO, if you’re driving you don’t drink. Not two glasses of wine with dinner and you ‘maybe’ ok to drive. NOTHING. It’s a fucking limit, not a goal.

Never drink and drive.

Foofer · 26/07/2021 20:32

YABVU to drink drive and expecting it to be considered a valid, rational reason not to give someone a lift is, quite frankly, stupid.

Make better decisions in life OP.

Notwavingbutdrowing3 · 26/07/2021 20:33

Totally agree, if you’d had too much to drink you shouldn’t have driven anywhere - but if you were ok to drive home you should’ve given her a lift, you can’t have it both ways

I disagree with this. You don't owe anyone a lift home in the opposite direction if you feel too tired to do it or just don't want to!

I like to make sure my friends get home (because if I'm driving I don't drink) but if I was tired and didn't feel up to it, I won't. If a friend expected and demanded it off of me, when I said no I'd rather not, that'd be the last time they ever had a lift from me. That's not a friend that's a user.

bigbaggyeyes · 26/07/2021 20:33

Your excuse for not giving her a lift was shit.

If you thought you might be over the limit you shouldn't have driven home, to a town, in a busy street or down a country lane.

If I was your friend id not be 'off' with you for not giving me a lift, id be off with you for knowingly driving home whilst potentially being over the drink drive limit.

LolaSmiles · 26/07/2021 20:34

YANBU to not want to give someone a lift when it's 15 minutes in the opposite direction as it would double your travel time. People who expect lifts annoy me. Your friend is childish and entitled to be moody over it.

However YABVVU to use alcohol as an excuse. The fact you were concerned about being stopped means that you were probably over the limit. Home-poured glasses of wine are often bigger than standard measurements.

Drink driving is a dickish thing to do.

Summerbreeze4 · 26/07/2021 20:34

No not unreasonable, being responsible for yourself when close to the limit is one thing, driving someone else and into a town is another.

You offered to pay half and wait at the bus stop, both suitable alternatives, she is being unreasonable

WhatAShilohPitt · 26/07/2021 20:35

I wouldn’t want to do an unplanned fairly long detour either just because someone doesn’t want to pay for the cab they planned to get, but your reason is awful. If you felt you were in any way less safe to drive after drinking then you shouldn’t have been behind the wheel, regardless of how busy the streets are or if you have passengers.

20viona · 26/07/2021 20:35

You shouldn't of had 2 glasses if you didn't feel capable to drive ok. But you should of given a friend a lift yes.

pinkcircustop · 26/07/2021 20:35

YABU. You are either okay to drive or you aren’t, so if you were using that as your excuse then you weren’t okay to drive.

Parttimemostofthetime · 26/07/2021 20:36

There is no grey area in drink driving, you are an idiot

And a bad friend. In a different situation (where you weren't drinking) you should have taken her home

Imnothereforthedrama · 26/07/2021 20:37

Sorry op I can’t defend the drink driving , feeling fine does not mean it’s ok to get behind the wheel.
Yabvu your friend is too because she shouldn’t ask for a lift and I certainly wouldn’t dream of getting a lift off someone who I knew had been drinking . Count yourself lucky you didn’t get caught as for your friend she is also ridiculous both of you should maybe think things through and have a bit of common sense.

Learntoloveyourself · 26/07/2021 20:39

YABVVVU being a drunk driver

KimmyAndMe · 26/07/2021 20:39

If you had drunk too much to drive a short distance then you drunk too much to drive a long distance. YABU

Jeez! 🤬 .

UnsuitableHat · 26/07/2021 20:40

Well I’d have given her the lift, but she sounds a bit unreasonable to bang on about it. It’s ultimately your choice, after all.

Staffholidayclubrep · 26/07/2021 20:40

But 'friend' lives 15 min drive away in the opposite direction. You should have said no because it would then take you another 30 mins to get back to your house.

thinkingaboutitall · 26/07/2021 20:40

To add to my earlier post, I think your friend who hosted you both should have let the other friend stay a bit longer instead of immediately booting her out. 30 mins later the Uber surge would have ended