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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for not giving my friend a lift home?

406 replies

Acey68 · 26/07/2021 20:05

My friend and I were at a mutual friends house to watch the WC final. I drove as I don't live too close (30 mins drive or so). My other friend lives a 15 minute bus ride away in the opposite direction to me and caught the bus there. She doesn't drive and planned to get an Uber home back to hers at the end of the night.
When the game finished and she attempted to get a taxi she noticed that the surcharge meant the taxi fare had doubled it's usual price. She asked me if I would mind giving her a lift home due to this, as she didn't want to pay the pricey taxi fare.
I said that I didn't really feel comfortable driving her home as I had 2 small glasses of wine over the course of the evening with a dinner, so was in that grey area where I was likely fine (felt fine) but for me I didn't want to spend longer in the car then I had to, just in case. She lives very centrally in the middle of a main high street with lots of pubs, bars and drunk people inevitably falling out of them and probably a higher police presence and traffic after the game and taking her home would have added 30 mins to my journey time.
I just wanted to get on the road and head back. I told her I would give her a lift to the bus stop and wait with her (once on the bus it takes her to her door in the middle of the high street she lives on, so no long walks) or offered to go halves on the taxi with her which she refused as she said the price was ridiculous and she wouldn't take my money for it.
She's been very off with me since and it came out the other day how disappointed with me, I am a selfish friend, she doesn't buy the excuse I gave, this shows I am only interested in myself and not helping others etc etc
As far as I see a lift is a favour not to be expected, and found myself having to justify why I didn't want to take her home. (She caught the bus in the end and it was fine)
We had a big fight and I'm upset and questioning myself now. AIBU?

OP posts:
PurpleHoodie · 26/07/2021 21:10

mcnervous

Thanks. Actually really good to know for us "forrin" (Uk) tourists Flowers

BobbidyBob · 26/07/2021 21:11

You didn’t want to drive her home because the chances of being caught drunk driving were higher if you did. That’s what it boils down to. That makes you not only unreasonable, but a terrible person. HTH.

PurpleHoodie · 26/07/2021 21:12

Famousinlove

wc final as in world cup? I voted YABU but if she's held a grudge since 2018 she's BU

Yeah. There's always that.

fitzi4life · 26/07/2021 21:12

I would have brought her home. I'd worry about her on public transport after a few drinks.

Acey68 · 26/07/2021 21:13

@MinkeDinkie

If you were fine to drive why the excuse you had too much to drink? Because you felt it unreasonable to say "No I can't be bothered"?
This is the point of my post, drink aside she would have still been annoyed with me
OP posts:
CarnationCat · 26/07/2021 21:14

If you thought you were in a grey area, you shouldn't have driven at all. There might have been a busy high street where your friend lives but anything could have happened during the journey to you house. Someone could have ran into the road, a car could have suddenly stopped in front of you...if you were worried about your reactions, you shouldn't have driven. If you were in doubt as the night progressed, you should have left your car there.

There's no way I wouldn't give my friend a lift. I would drive 100 miles for my friends, never mind 30 minutes (bearing in mind I was sober of course).

Mockolate · 26/07/2021 21:14

You didn’t want to drive her home because the chances of being caught drunk driving were higher if you did

Yeah, that bit didn't sit right with me either - why mention the higher police presence?
Sounds like didn't want to run the risk of getting caught drunk driving which in that case OP shouldn't have been driving in the first place.

BobbidyBob · 26/07/2021 21:15

Amazing how the “point of the post” changes when everyone is telling you how unreasonable you were.

PurpleHoodie · 26/07/2021 21:17

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Wheretobuy · 26/07/2021 21:17

Last night, two drivers swerved into my lane right in front of my car on the motor way.
YABVVVU

PurpleHoodie · 26/07/2021 21:18

OP.

Which Country are you in?

DrManhattan · 26/07/2021 21:18

Pulled a Cummings

PurpleHoodie · 26/07/2021 21:19

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Kanaloa · 26/07/2021 21:19

If I was you I wouldn’t have blamed it on drinking. You are either too drunk to drive or you aren’t.

For me, if a friend asked and it would save her paying double price I’d give her a lift. As long as it wasn’t a type of thing where she expected lifts all the time, but it sounds like she was caught short.

Overthebow · 26/07/2021 21:20

YABU. you're drinking excuse is rubbish, you were either fine to drive or not. You just didn't want to give your friend a lift, which considering it wasn't really that far seems pretty awful really.

PhoboPhobia · 26/07/2021 21:21

@Acey68

I mean grey area in the sense that how can anyone really know unless you drink nothing? Which I appreciate is preferable, but I planned what amount I could drink to be safe and under the limit and then had dinner on top of that and didn't drink 4 hours before driving. Not in the sense that 'oh gosh I feel half cut, but I should be fine'. Surely I can't be the only one who has had a drink earlier in the evening with dinner and then driven much later??
Whether people agree with that level of drink driving or not, it makes no sense as a reason not to give her a lift. As numerous people have pointed out, if you’re safe enough to drive to your house you’re safe enough to drive to hers.

Don’t feel bad about not giving her a lift if you don’t want to but I think you’ll struggle to find anyone who thinks your reason makes sense.

Wheretobuy · 26/07/2021 21:23

@PurpleHoodie

mcnervous

This is why I prefer zero tolerance in Scotland. No grey area. So to me yabu for driving yourself never mind her

Another informative post. A reminder that the UK has separate laws.

Separate law my arse! Often I encounter drivers on motorway who appear to be driving just odd enough for you to notice. Every time it’s Saturday night. Laws in England should change to what Scotland has.
Taliskerskye · 26/07/2021 21:23

Omg
I cannot believe you are real
This is BEYOND shocking

You shouldn’t have drunk at all, you’re more words than I would write,
Awful awful awful human being regards to drink driving

Get a breathalyser

burnoutbabe · 26/07/2021 21:23

Are we now saying grown women are unsafe on public transport or using Uber so everyone else has a responsibility to drive them hone? Truly depressing!

You are not being unreasonable to not want to drive someone home as they are too tight to pay for their own taxi, when it's totally the opposite way to the way you are going.

Giveszerofox · 26/07/2021 21:24

Has this grudge really been going on for 3 years? Confused Yabu for driving after drinking Angry

Taliskerskye · 26/07/2021 21:24

So not only are you a drunk driver
You’re a shit friend,

PurpleHoodie · 26/07/2021 21:25

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Moon22 · 26/07/2021 21:25

Not very friendly of you, if she is a good friend. If I were driving, I would provably think a friend would be safer with me than on public transport, late at night and cheaper than an expensive taxi.
As others have said, your excuse is very flaky- it might have been better to just say you didn't want to, rather than you were over the limit but happy to drive youself!- However, not that big of a deal and life is too short for fall outs.

PurpleHoodie · 26/07/2021 21:26

"No"

Acceptable.

Taliskerskye · 26/07/2021 21:26

Amazing how many people voted who think it’s fine to be a bit worried about being caught drunk driving.
Fucking shocking