Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not giving my friend a lift home?

406 replies

Acey68 · 26/07/2021 20:05

My friend and I were at a mutual friends house to watch the WC final. I drove as I don't live too close (30 mins drive or so). My other friend lives a 15 minute bus ride away in the opposite direction to me and caught the bus there. She doesn't drive and planned to get an Uber home back to hers at the end of the night.
When the game finished and she attempted to get a taxi she noticed that the surcharge meant the taxi fare had doubled it's usual price. She asked me if I would mind giving her a lift home due to this, as she didn't want to pay the pricey taxi fare.
I said that I didn't really feel comfortable driving her home as I had 2 small glasses of wine over the course of the evening with a dinner, so was in that grey area where I was likely fine (felt fine) but for me I didn't want to spend longer in the car then I had to, just in case. She lives very centrally in the middle of a main high street with lots of pubs, bars and drunk people inevitably falling out of them and probably a higher police presence and traffic after the game and taking her home would have added 30 mins to my journey time.
I just wanted to get on the road and head back. I told her I would give her a lift to the bus stop and wait with her (once on the bus it takes her to her door in the middle of the high street she lives on, so no long walks) or offered to go halves on the taxi with her which she refused as she said the price was ridiculous and she wouldn't take my money for it.
She's been very off with me since and it came out the other day how disappointed with me, I am a selfish friend, she doesn't buy the excuse I gave, this shows I am only interested in myself and not helping others etc etc
As far as I see a lift is a favour not to be expected, and found myself having to justify why I didn't want to take her home. (She caught the bus in the end and it was fine)
We had a big fight and I'm upset and questioning myself now. AIBU?

OP posts:
londonrach · 27/07/2021 19:32

You shouldn't have driven back. You don't have to give your lift back either

OhWhyNot · 27/07/2021 19:33

YABU

If your not for to drive an unexpected route then you are not fit to drive at all.

I would have given her a lift if I was fit to drive think it’s a bit mean not to she is a friend isn’t that what friends do help each other out

EleanorOlephantisjustfine · 27/07/2021 19:41

This cannot be a serious post. If you were drinking alcohol you shouldn’t have been driving any kind of distance. You deserve to be caught drink driving. As for your ridiculous rationale!🙄

meganorks · 27/07/2021 19:43

YABU. Either you are ok to drive or you are not so lengthy explanations about why you one route is better than the other doesn't count. You are either drink driving or not.

Also, a 15 minute bus journey is not usually a 15 min car journey. Usually more like 5 but 10 at the most. And if you were willing to drive her to the bus stop and wait that could easily take longer.

Sounds to me like you knew you would be over the limit and felt there was a higher probability of getting in an accident/getting caught taking your friend home.

Christinatherabbit · 27/07/2021 19:43

I'm not surprised she is annoyed. If you are okay to drive yourself home you are fine to get a friend home safely.

Usernamerequired · 27/07/2021 19:46

You haven’t got a leg to stand on as you were already drink driving. Friend is a fool for wanting to get in the car with you. 2 glasses is over the limit btw regardless of you feeling ‘fine’.

catfunk · 27/07/2021 19:55

YANBU for not wanting a 30 mins extra drive

YABVVU for using alcohol as an excuse/ driving yourself home if over the limit

diddl · 27/07/2021 20:02

@Christinatherabbit

I'm not surprised she is annoyed. If you are okay to drive yourself home you are fine to get a friend home safely.
Just because they ask for a lift though it doesn't mean that they have to be given one!
Mishka3085 · 27/07/2021 20:10

You shouldn’t have driven home at all, I’m sure you know that.
That’s the main issue here.

Jontomsam · 27/07/2021 20:11

If you were not fit to drive her into town you were not fit to drive home yourself either. Simple as. You should’ve also got a taxi.

Osrie · 27/07/2021 20:14

@catfunk

YANBU for not wanting a 30 mins extra drive

YABVVU for using alcohol as an excuse/ driving yourself home if over the limit

This
Mamanyt · 27/07/2021 20:16

While YANBU for not giving her a lift, YABU for driving yourself home if there was ANY question of your sobriety. Good for you for not endangering your friend, but what of everyone else on your trip home? You'd have felt just as bad if you had injured (God forbid, KILLED) a stranger. If there is any doubt, DO NOT DRIVE. No gray areas here.

Katypyee · 27/07/2021 20:18

The only unreasonable thing you did was drinking and driving.

tigger1001 · 27/07/2021 20:23

Yanbu to not offer her a lift if you didn't want to and she shouldn't have expected oh.

However yabvvvvu to get behind the wheel after a couple of drinks. You either are ok or not to drive (personally if you were planning to drive home I don't understand why you then chose to drink anything). There isn't a limit for a short drive.

tigger1001 · 27/07/2021 20:35

@Summerbreeze4

No not unreasonable, being responsible for yourself when close to the limit is one thing, driving someone else and into a town is another.

You offered to pay half and wait at the bus stop, both suitable alternatives, she is being unreasonable

When getting behind the wheel of a car, you are not just responsible for yourself though. You need to ensure you are not endangering other road users. The best way is to not get behind the wheel worrying you are over the drink drive limit.

Sadly it's often the innocent road user that's hurt or worse while the drink driver walks away unhurt.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/07/2021 20:39

I couldn’t agree more, @tigger1001.

angielou791417 · 27/07/2021 20:45

I would never ever let my friend get a bus home if I was driving , an extra 30 mins isn't that bad, I would always take them home

Madamum18 · 27/07/2021 21:10

You should not have driven. As you had you should not have drunk wine. You should have taken a cab and so should she.

TSSDNCOP · 27/07/2021 21:22

I hit the U switch at "grey area".

claremmm · 27/07/2021 21:28

Drink driving is definitely unreasonable

Bebethany · 27/07/2021 21:31

Why would you let a driver who has been drinking drive you? Why would you let a friend drive rather than take the keys off of her!! 😡😡

SherbrookeFosterer · 27/07/2021 21:33

Be a notorious bad driver with a broken TomTom.

Works for me every time, no one every cads a lift from me.

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 27/07/2021 21:37

Buy a breathalyser from Halfords £54. Best money I've ever spent. You can drive if it's under 0.5% but personally I won't drive unless I blow zero because that's what it should be - ZERO.

Frazzledmummy123 · 27/07/2021 21:44

"...so was in that grey area where I was likely fine (felt fine) but didn't want to spend any time in the car than I had to..."

Are you for real??! Angry

wildchild554 · 27/07/2021 21:48

you had 4 units of alcohol if they were standard glasses of wine. You were over the limit you shouldn't have been driving at all.