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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for not giving my friend a lift home?

406 replies

Acey68 · 26/07/2021 20:05

My friend and I were at a mutual friends house to watch the WC final. I drove as I don't live too close (30 mins drive or so). My other friend lives a 15 minute bus ride away in the opposite direction to me and caught the bus there. She doesn't drive and planned to get an Uber home back to hers at the end of the night.
When the game finished and she attempted to get a taxi she noticed that the surcharge meant the taxi fare had doubled it's usual price. She asked me if I would mind giving her a lift home due to this, as she didn't want to pay the pricey taxi fare.
I said that I didn't really feel comfortable driving her home as I had 2 small glasses of wine over the course of the evening with a dinner, so was in that grey area where I was likely fine (felt fine) but for me I didn't want to spend longer in the car then I had to, just in case. She lives very centrally in the middle of a main high street with lots of pubs, bars and drunk people inevitably falling out of them and probably a higher police presence and traffic after the game and taking her home would have added 30 mins to my journey time.
I just wanted to get on the road and head back. I told her I would give her a lift to the bus stop and wait with her (once on the bus it takes her to her door in the middle of the high street she lives on, so no long walks) or offered to go halves on the taxi with her which she refused as she said the price was ridiculous and she wouldn't take my money for it.
She's been very off with me since and it came out the other day how disappointed with me, I am a selfish friend, she doesn't buy the excuse I gave, this shows I am only interested in myself and not helping others etc etc
As far as I see a lift is a favour not to be expected, and found myself having to justify why I didn't want to take her home. (She caught the bus in the end and it was fine)
We had a big fight and I'm upset and questioning myself now. AIBU?

OP posts:
diddl · 27/07/2021 18:29

@Arepeoplereallycoolaboutthis

If you said no because it would literally double your journey then YANBU. But your excuse about the drink made no sense really.
"disappointed with me, I am a selfish friend, she doesn't buy the excuse I gave, this shows I am only interested in myself and not helping others etc etc"

Well of course she doesn't buy the excuse as it was bollocks!

But you should just have said no-although the outcome would probably have been the same.

She's no loss as a friend if that's how she carries on when things don't go her way.

Cimone · 27/07/2021 18:29

SHe's a grown ass woman!! Her travel expenses, timing, energy and effort are on HER, not you. It is not right to demand (which is what she did since she felt ENTITLED to a ride) that you play chauffeur and drive her here and yon when it isn't convenient for you and no plans were made previously for you to do that. She had a lot of nerve even to ask you that, and everyone who thinks she is ENTITLED to a ride on your time and gas is wrong. It is YOUR decision, YOUR car, YOUR time, YOUR gas, and YOUR risk of getting a ticket or worst. Since she had other options (just didn't want to spend her money and didn't want you to even cover the extra charge for her), it means she was DEMANDING that you drive her and that was all that was acceptable.

She's lucky you are her friend. I would have cussed her out and told her all about herself then blocked her from ever calling me again. One thing you do not get to do is talk to me crazy or demand anything from me. This chick is a cow... what we call in the States a "KAREN" which is a stereotypical entitled witch. Cut her out of your life and move on.

RachaelN · 27/07/2021 18:29

You had a drink and drove your car. I don't think the lift is the issue here.

pollymere · 27/07/2021 18:37

A fifteen minute bus journey is about five minutes by car. Was it really that out of your way? I wouldn't have even let them try to call a cab tbh, just told them I'd make sure they got home. And sorry, if you're not sober enough to drive your friend home, you shouldn't be in a car at all.

Mesoavocado · 27/07/2021 18:37

Agree with others

You clearly were not safe to drive after two glasses of wine

However had you been teetotal then you definitely should have offered a lift

PeaceLily2000 · 27/07/2021 18:47

@Mesoavocado

Agree with others

You clearly were not safe to drive after two glasses of wine

However had you been teetotal then you definitely should have offered a lift

Drinking issue a side, I hate giving lifts as I'm not a confident driver with passengers or areas I'm not familiar with/are busy. Doesn't make you a bad person to not always offer a lift and sometimes it's embarrassing to explain why! I also think non drivers should be prepared to sort their own transport and not expect lifts or be annoyed when they aren't offered!
mussymummy · 27/07/2021 18:48

What a shit excuse, I would never let a friend get public transport home if I could give a lift.
You are being very very unreasonable for drink driving. You may have "felt fine" but doubt a judge would have seen it that way if you had caused an accident and been breathalysed.
You need to have a serious word with yourself

Anitarest · 27/07/2021 18:49

If you had been drinking, you shouldn’t have been driving at all. If you admitted you couldn’t drive because you had been drinking and she would have accepted your excuse.

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 27/07/2021 18:51

Tabu for drinking and driving. It is twattish sfish behaviour (said as someone who has been hit by a drunk driver). But she shouldn't have expected a lift regardless, more because it would add 30 mins to your journey and cost you petrol and time Kate at night. But I still think you're unreasonable for drinking and driving. What if you killed someone?!

starfishmummy · 27/07/2021 18:54

There was only one correct answer in this situation.
"Sorry, I've been drinking, I'm leaving the car here and getting an uber myself"

LivingDeadGirlUK · 27/07/2021 18:54

I voted YANBU but didn't clock that you still drove yourself home, yeah that's not a good look I'm afraid.

Terhou · 27/07/2021 18:58

You clearly were not safe to drive after two glasses of wine

Two small glasses of wine over the course of an evening and taken with a meal would be considered by law to be safe to drive.

whynotwhatknot · 27/07/2021 19:00

no such thing as 2 small glasses in the law

Terhou · 27/07/2021 19:03

@whynotwhatknot

no such thing as 2 small glasses in the law
But the fact is that two small glasses over a few hours and taken with a meal won't put someone over the limit defined in law.
niugboo · 27/07/2021 19:03

Wow. Yes you’re out of order. If you had too much to drink to drive her home you should not have been driving.

Roselilly36 · 27/07/2021 19:03

Why have two glasses of wine if you intended to drive home? Very irresponsible, no way would I have been requesting a lift, your friend had a lucky escape.

daisyrain13 · 27/07/2021 19:04

I'd always offer friends lifts after a night out to ensure they got home okay.
You're either safe to drive or you're not so that's a very poor excuse.

MollyMinniesMum · 27/07/2021 19:14

So you are ok to drink drive in one direction but not another? Give you’re head a wobble ffs

whynotwhatknot · 27/07/2021 19:19

Show me wher eit says that in law @Terhou

Shona52 · 27/07/2021 19:20

Almost as bad as the excuse I wasn't sure my eyesight was good enough to drive to London. Your either safe to drive or your not.

Hertsgirl10 · 27/07/2021 19:21

I’m gonna say YANBU but the alcohol excuse is silly cos if you didn’t know then shouldn’t be driving.

You offered to pay half the Uber so her reason is stupid. She isn’t owed a lift and is acting like a brat.

purplebunny2012 · 27/07/2021 19:23

If you didn't feel right driving that extra bit, you shouldn't have been driving at all

LawnFever · 27/07/2021 19:25

But the fact is that two small glasses over a few hours and taken with a meal won't put someone over the limit defined in law.

You can’t be sure of that as a fact whatsoever.

Buffs · 27/07/2021 19:28

No grey area.

Biscuitybiscuit · 27/07/2021 19:30

Totally agree with neverknowinglyunreasonable

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