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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not giving my friend a lift home?

406 replies

Acey68 · 26/07/2021 20:05

My friend and I were at a mutual friends house to watch the WC final. I drove as I don't live too close (30 mins drive or so). My other friend lives a 15 minute bus ride away in the opposite direction to me and caught the bus there. She doesn't drive and planned to get an Uber home back to hers at the end of the night.
When the game finished and she attempted to get a taxi she noticed that the surcharge meant the taxi fare had doubled it's usual price. She asked me if I would mind giving her a lift home due to this, as she didn't want to pay the pricey taxi fare.
I said that I didn't really feel comfortable driving her home as I had 2 small glasses of wine over the course of the evening with a dinner, so was in that grey area where I was likely fine (felt fine) but for me I didn't want to spend longer in the car then I had to, just in case. She lives very centrally in the middle of a main high street with lots of pubs, bars and drunk people inevitably falling out of them and probably a higher police presence and traffic after the game and taking her home would have added 30 mins to my journey time.
I just wanted to get on the road and head back. I told her I would give her a lift to the bus stop and wait with her (once on the bus it takes her to her door in the middle of the high street she lives on, so no long walks) or offered to go halves on the taxi with her which she refused as she said the price was ridiculous and she wouldn't take my money for it.
She's been very off with me since and it came out the other day how disappointed with me, I am a selfish friend, she doesn't buy the excuse I gave, this shows I am only interested in myself and not helping others etc etc
As far as I see a lift is a favour not to be expected, and found myself having to justify why I didn't want to take her home. (She caught the bus in the end and it was fine)
We had a big fight and I'm upset and questioning myself now. AIBU?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 27/07/2021 08:10

Wow, this thread, what an excuse, either you’re safe to drive or you’re not. If you’re not sure you don’t drive. If you just didn’t wish to do it you should have owned it.

Butterfly44 · 27/07/2021 08:12

Yep. I'd be pretty annoyed at you too. It's not because you didn't give a lift, it's because you deliberately lied and made some silly excuse to cover the fact. Don't like being lied to.
Besides which I would always drop a girlfriend back, especially late at night. A few mins out my way makes no difference, but it does for them.

JustMeAndWheatley · 27/07/2021 08:12

YABU for drink driving

ufucoffee · 27/07/2021 08:19

Why didn't she just phone her local taxi companies? She was being unreasonable for using Uber. Awful company.

saoirse31 · 27/07/2021 08:23

You shouldn't be drinking and driving. And you clearly had some worries about effects of alcohol you'd had as you didn't want to drive to a busier area than your presumably very familiar drive home. You were clearly worried about your reaction times given your comments about drunk people possibly walking in front of you etc. You may or not be a good friend but you should consider why exactly you didn't want to drive her and what connection it had with what you'd drunk, and then consider why if you'd an issue driving friend home you were sti happy to drive your familiar route.

LCDIT · 27/07/2021 08:31

YABVU driving after two glasses of wine, no matter how fine you feel.

LemonRoses · 27/07/2021 08:35

I think if someone told me they’d had too much to drink to offer a lift, but got in their car anyway, I’d be calling the police.
Not because I was cross about no lift (despite thinking it’s a bit mean) but because I abhor drunk drivers.
You should have got a taxi.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/07/2021 08:54

[I] didn’t drink 4 hours before driving

2 glasses of wine = circa 4 units and on average the body processes one unit an hour.

The alcohol would have been completely out or almost out of your system. I’ve voted YABU because you should know if you’re ok to drive or not and whether or not you’re over the limit. I’ve separated the two as you can be sober and unable to drive due to being ill or tired. Therefore the lift or not is entirely separate.

Your friend, who doesn’t drive is either choosing not to learn to drive / own a car or cannot for health reasons. Either way, she is a cf expecting lifts. The uber twice the price, oh well, it’s a lot cheaper than running a car. That said, I would have offered a lift as a one off but not every time.

Does she expect lifts often?

Beline4u · 27/07/2021 09:12

"^^Surely I can't be the only one who has had a drink earlier in the evening with dinner and then driven much later??"

No you're not the only one but if you're looking someone, theyre in the category, under "Stupid Idiots".

I don't understand the need to drink and drive. Still a risk and still incredibly stupid! It's a toxic substance which effects your judgement.

Viviennemary · 27/07/2021 09:49

Indeed. You were a drunk driver. You knew your ability to drive was impaired because of alcohol that's why you didn't take the risk of driving your friend. You thought you'd get away with it on your drive home. Lets stop with the feeble excuses.

VeryLongBeeeep · 27/07/2021 09:56

@Acey68

I mean grey area in the sense that how can anyone really know unless you drink nothing? Which I appreciate is preferable, but I planned what amount I could drink to be safe and under the limit and then had dinner on top of that and didn't drink 4 hours before driving. Not in the sense that 'oh gosh I feel half cut, but I should be fine'. Surely I can't be the only one who has had a drink earlier in the evening with dinner and then driven much later??
You can't 'plan what amount to drink to be safe' because there are too many variables. If you drive somewhere, you don't drink alcohol - simple as that. It's not rocket science. I'm not one of those MNers who think if you have three wine gums you're an alcoholic but honestly, what's so hard about going out for dinner and drinking soft drinks?

YABVVVVVU.

LordOfTheThings · 27/07/2021 10:20

I mean grey area in the sense that how can anyone really know unless you drink nothing? Which I appreciate is preferable, but I planned what amount I could drink to be safe and under the limit and then had dinner on top of that and didn't drink 4 hours before driving. Not in the sense that 'oh gosh I feel half cut, but I should be fine'. Surely I can't be the only one who has had a drink earlier in the evening with dinner and then driven much later??

This is such bollocks and you know it OP. You're backtracking now. If it had been this way you would have no doubts at all and not mentioned this mythical 'grey area'. You either drank to much to drive at all or you didn't and either way, you would know.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/07/2021 12:28

@Desnol - even if someone is under the legal drink-drive limit, their driving, and their ability to judge if their are driving safely can be negatively affected - and someone who drives whilst impaired is putting other road users at risk.

If someone you love was killed or seriously injured by a drink driver who was under the legal limit, would you be happy with that?

MissJeanBrodiesprime · 27/07/2021 13:37

OP I think you know very well the answer to your question otherwise you would not be asking it. Your excuse was just that - an excuse. And not a very good one. You’re either ok to drive or you’re not. I suspect the reason your friend is off with you is because you were not just downright honest with her.

Sunflowers095 · 27/07/2021 14:00

YABU. I would drive a friend much further than 15mins anytime of the day, you have a car and you're already going to be driving. I'd personally consider you to be a shit friend to be honest.

BrilliantBetty · 27/07/2021 14:21

YANBU. No reason you should drive in the opposite direction. You're not her chauffeur or her nanny, as adults you each make your own arrangements to get to / from a place. Kind of you to offer to wait for the bus with her.

This reminds me of someone I know who doesn't drive (has a car, license, insurance but doesn't WANT to drive) and is very happy to frequently inconvenience me asking for lifts or meeting places convenient for them and their non driving stance.

PheasantsNest · 27/07/2021 14:24

You shouldn't have had any drink if you were planning to drive. I would fall out with you on that count.

JoeyJoeyson · 27/07/2021 14:28

I wouldn’t have had a problem giving my friend a lift. I had people come round to my house for the WC final, same thing, couldn’t get a taxi. I took them home. So I think YABU for not giving a friend a lift home.

UmamiMammy · 27/07/2021 14:28

If you didn't want to drive her out of your way then you should have just said so. Your excuse was ridiculous, you are either safe to drive or not!!!!

Rosiiiiie · 27/07/2021 14:50

YABU- I would’ve been glad to help a friend out.

suspiria777 · 27/07/2021 15:39

If you were over the limit you're lucky she or your other friend didn't report you to the police for drunk driving.

lifeinlimbo2020 · 27/07/2021 15:46

@Famousinlove

wc final as in world cup? I voted YABU but if she's held a grudge since 2018 she's BU
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Youdiditanyway · 27/07/2021 15:48

You still drove her to the bus stop though so obviously fine with drunk driving, you just didn’t want to get caught by the police presence in her area…

LizzieW1969 · 27/07/2021 15:56

You shouldn't have had any drink if you were planning to drive. I would fall out with you on that count.

^This 100%. I don’t think you were necessarily wrong not to give her a lift, but the reason you gave was ridiculous. If you weren’t fit to drive her home, then you shouldn’t have been driving at all.

melj1213 · 27/07/2021 16:37

Yanbu to not want to add 30 minutes to your journey (and since it was going into town and it being the end of thr game -Im assuming you meant the Euros not the WC - then it would be busy with taxis/people leaving pubs etc so it wouldn't be a straight in and out job) in the opposite direction but YABU to use drinking as an excuse.

I don't have a car (I have a licence and had a car when I was younger but I live in the town centre and we have a good public transport system so it just wasn't cost effective to pay for the car too) and I would never expect people to give me a lift, nor would I get huffy if someone said no. However if someone came up with a stupid reason like "I've had too much to drink to drive you home, but I can drive myself" then I would think that they were making up such an obvious excuse I would feel annoyed that they would rather make up a waffly excuse than be honest and say they were too tired/didn't want to go out of their way etc.

Also your friend is an idiot if she didn't factor in surge pricing and availability for something like a Euro final - we don't have uber where I live so no surge pricing but if it is a big event then I know to book a taxi well in advance purely for availability alone. Even as an only occasional uber user when I go for a weekend in the city I know about surge pricing at high demand times so she should have been better prepared to get herself home.

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