MIL buying ridiculously expensive baby clothes..

[JimHairy]

My MIL keeps buying my 4 month old insanely expensive baby clothes. We’re talking £120 pairs of jeans that are really stiff so he can’t wear them anyway (not comfy) all the way down to £40 sleepsuits that don’t have feet or fold over mittens so aren’t practical for him.

This sounds like such a non issue and usually I’d be of the thinking ‘let her crack on, it’s her money to burn’ etc but she gets REALLY offended when she visits and DS is wearing something cheap (usually George at Asda stuff, it’s cheap and comfy!).

Every time she comes over she brings a new batch of clothes but doesn’t listen when we tell her he’s wearing 6-9 months at 4 months old. She thinks he’s not actually that size it’s just because we buy cheap clothes and they shrink. She’s buying him 3-6 months and none of it fits even before it’s washed.

Yesterday she turned up with £680 worth of stuff (I know the price because she told us, she always does) including 2 outfits at £140 each that are way way too small and I couldn’t put him in anyway because they both look really impractical. He’s also in reusable nappies so if the crotch on things isn’t cut for cloth nappies, they won’t fit. She demanded DS got changed into one of them immediately and when I said no, she tried to take him off the floor where he was happy playing. DH said ‘no mum don’t do that, he’s happy how he is’ and then she got really angry and said (word for word) ’ ‘he looks like he lives in the children’s home like no one cares about him. Someone has to make him presentable’

He was wearing a vest, a pair of socks, leggings and a dribble bib. Fairly standard baby clothing I thought?

The other problem is that MIL isn’t well off at all. She doesn’t come from money either, totally working class through and through so I don’t know where this is coming from. She retired 5 years ago and doesn’t have any savings at all. Her retirement payout had to be used on the house which was falling into disrepair. Her pension is ok but she’s always complaining she can’t afford a holiday etc etc. She really can’t afford what she’s spending on DS and I suspect is paying for it on store cards.

Wtf do we do? I don’t want to take a nuclear option and NC or anything like that, but I do want to put a stop to her buying impractical expensive clothes for DS for her sake, and also somehow stop the judgement she has about cheap baby clothes??

Do nothing, just do what you're doing now. She'll give up eventually.

I would say I don’t want the clothes thank you, what an absolute waste of money. Supermarket stuff only thanks.

No contact is a very extreme and seemingly unnecessary reaction. Just be consistent and direct: if she asks why he’s not in the clothes she bought, say they didn’t fit, if she makes a rude comment about how he is dressed, say of course he doesn’t look unloved and untidy. Rinse and repeat and she’ll soon get bored.

Try and take as much of it back as you can. Put the money aside for her so you can give it back to her if she needs it in the future. Tell her you are doing this and why (clothes too small and, impractical and a waste of money)

I don't understand the issue.

Sit her down.

Tell her:

"The clothes you are buying are ridiculously expensive; they are too small and too impractical".

"We are concerned about how you are affording to spend so much and we worry that you are getting yourself into debt needlessless".

"We really appreciate your care and concern for DS; however how about you open up a regular savings account for him for him to have when he's 18 for university. That would be so much more useful".

"The clothes he is in now are fine; they are practical and cheap - they only get sicked/pooed on anyway as you know from having babies yourself. Please dont buy him anymore expensive ones, they are a waste of money."

Etc etc.

Yep I agree, she'll give up. Although I'd have bit back "presentable for what? Does he have a hot date I don't know about. Last I checked he was a baby that drools, shits or throws up on everything he wears."
Jeans on a baby is just ridiculous.

Take her to Asda and show her the wide range of baby clothing and tell her from now on its George or nothing at all. And tell her he is wearing 9 months size.

Just keep giving them back to her to return. It sounds harsh but it's best for her finances in the end.

It would be nice if you went baby clothes shopping with her perhaps?

Maybe show her that the clothes dont fit

Go clothes shopping with her at TK Maxx - she'll get bargains there and you can guide her towards outfits which actually fit your DS.

I can’t send them back unfortunately because she takes the tags off them before she gives them to us.

I really hope she gets bored. She’s just SO judgemental about it and like you lot, my attitude is they mostly get dribbled/ sicked/ pee’ed on so what’s the point??

Thanks for the sense check, I was fairly certain it was normal to not spend a fortune on baby clothes but I had started questioning myself.

I agree with suggestions above but (coming from sore experience here), this chat needs to come from her son and not you. My partner can do absolutely no wrong in my MIL’s eyes and no matter what I do it’s not good enough. It would cause a massive problem if I was the one in charge of that chat. If she pushes you just say “I’m sorry if it offends you but yes I agree with my husband”. That way it’s coming from him but you’re on the same page so she has no legs to stand on. Good luck, it’s a very tough relationship on BOTH sides. She clearly means well but I’d be so offended by her comments.

Honestly, just blank it.

She can buy them. You can ignore them.

Don’t speak to her about it. It’ll just be more hassle for you that you can do without.

Why didn’t you let her try and get him changed so she can see the clothes don’t fit? At least that would solve the size thing?

But yes, standard baby clothing

Could your DP talk to her about how worried you both are about her and her finances? It might be that she has a compulsive disorder which is driving the purchases (though it doesn't excuse the rudeness)

You could ask her to return the stuff or sell it on. Or point her somewhere like the babipur website - nice, comfy baby clothes that fit over reusables and are expensive but not as mental as what she's doing atm.

Point her in the direction of M&S or Next or somewhere in between Asda and the £££ boutiques. She's desperate to spend on the baby and shop for cute clothes.

Let her try the outfits on him so she can see they don't fit, seeing is believing. Grandmother's are daft and become smitten by baby stuff.

Watch out for the he'll grow into it nonsense too. Won't be the first time we've had character on clothing be outgrown before it actually fitted.

If they don’t have tags there’s a chance she’s finding them second hand on eBay or whatever then trying to lord the original price over you. I only say this because MIL is guilty of this too, she buys absolute tat in charity shops but loves to tell us how expensive it’s all worth.

Anyway, she obviously needs telling in no uncertain terms that you don’t want or need any clothes and that the things she’s buying aren’t getting used anyway because they don’t bloody fit. Use some assertiveness, I’m sure she’ll get offended but at least this madness will end!

You need to tell her straight. Something like, "We appreciate you're excited about the baby, but you need to stop wasting your money on crazily expensive baby clothes. We really don't need anything so overpriced, and to be honest it's starting to make us a bit uncomfortable. We are happy with the way we dress baby, and we want him to wear comfy, affordable clothes which he can play in and not uncomfortable, expensive outfits which are impractical for him. We don't appreciate your rude comments about the way we dress the baby, which is totally normal and fine, and if you don't like it then that's okay but please keep any nasty comments to yourself to avoid any awkwardness or tension between us when we should be happy and enjoying baby together."

Is there a cultural difference at play?

I'm from a culture where you would expect (stupidly imo!) The children to be the best dressed in the house and there's a lot of status riding on how your kids look

@Youdiditanyway I think you could be right they are second hand but she must still be spending ££ on them.

Reselling is certainly an option for designer gear but it's just a hassle.

Some parents are funny in that way.

My mum still thinks my ex bil was abusive as my niece came home from hospital in a second hand blue baby gro. She says now that he didn't even buy her a decent baby gro to be born in to ...

She is now 10 and I said to mum ask niece if she cares about it.

Seriously I'd stop having her I the house. I'd have lost my temper with someone coming into my home and telling them how to dress my baby and demanding their clothes be changed. Just give them back and say thanks but no thanks.

Does she have previous for getting into debt on store cards or massively overdoing something in this way? It sounds as though there is something going on.

I agree you need to keep refusing and your DH needs to sit her down. It would be good for you both to understand what is going on. Is there a backstory?

@PotteringAlong

Why didn’t you let her try and get him changed so she can see the clothes don’t fit? At least that would solve the size thing?

But yes, standard baby clothing

Because she’s not very good with DS and would try to squeeze him in to it and end up hurting him. I know this because she did this with him when he was 4 weeks trying to put jeans on him. I was absolutely exhausted and went for a shower and left him with her in the living room. He was fast asleep in his Moses basket so thought it would be fine. I heard screaming, ran back into the living room in a towel and she’d taken his sleep suit off and was trying to get his scrunched up legs into stiff denim jeans. Her reasoning was that he was in pyjamas in the middle of the day ‘like a slob’. I redressed him and asked her to leave obviously. Thinking about it it’s gotten worse since that incident.

I am puzzled by why you didn't let her try the clothes on the baby? It might actually solve a lot of issues.