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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL buying ridiculously expensive baby clothes..

230 replies

JimHairy · 26/07/2021 07:30

My MIL keeps buying my 4 month old insanely expensive baby clothes. We’re talking £120 pairs of jeans that are really stiff so he can’t wear them anyway (not comfy) all the way down to £40 sleepsuits that don’t have feet or fold over mittens so aren’t practical for him.

This sounds like such a non issue and usually I’d be of the thinking ‘let her crack on, it’s her money to burn’ etc but she gets REALLY offended when she visits and DS is wearing something cheap (usually George at Asda stuff, it’s cheap and comfy!).

Every time she comes over she brings a new batch of clothes but doesn’t listen when we tell her he’s wearing 6-9 months at 4 months old. She thinks he’s not actually that size it’s just because we buy cheap clothes and they shrink. She’s buying him 3-6 months and none of it fits even before it’s washed.

Yesterday she turned up with £680 worth of stuff (I know the price because she told us, she always does) including 2 outfits at £140 each that are way way too small and I couldn’t put him in anyway because they both look really impractical. He’s also in reusable nappies so if the crotch on things isn’t cut for cloth nappies, they won’t fit. She demanded DS got changed into one of them immediately and when I said no, she tried to take him off the floor where he was happy playing. DH said ‘no mum don’t do that, he’s happy how he is’ and then she got really angry and said (word for word) ’ ‘he looks like he lives in the children’s home like no one cares about him. Someone has to make him presentable’

Sad

He was wearing a vest, a pair of socks, leggings and a dribble bib. Fairly standard baby clothing I thought?

The other problem is that MIL isn’t well off at all. She doesn’t come from money either, totally working class through and through so I don’t know where this is coming from. She retired 5 years ago and doesn’t have any savings at all. Her retirement payout had to be used on the house which was falling into disrepair. Her pension is ok but she’s always complaining she can’t afford a holiday etc etc. She really can’t afford what she’s spending on DS and I suspect is paying for it on store cards.

Wtf do we do? I don’t want to take a nuclear option and NC or anything like that, but I do want to put a stop to her buying impractical expensive clothes for DS for her sake, and also somehow stop the judgement she has about cheap baby clothes??

OP posts:
ineedanewnameplease · 26/07/2021 07:59

Is she stealing the clothes? Just with her taking tags off and not necessarily having the funds in the first place.

I think you definitely both need to have a conversation with her and she it's your DC and despite her concerns about the way he's dressed you are the parents and will dress your child how you like and she needs to stop.

LynetteScavo · 26/07/2021 08:00

Maybe do what my SIL did to my DM - hold up the item, say "that won't fit, I'll send it to charity" and move on.

DM never gave any clothes to SIL again.

JimHairy · 26/07/2021 08:01

@Throwthecam

Is there a cultural difference at play?

I'm from a culture where you would expect (stupidly imo!) The children to be the best dressed in the house and there's a lot of status riding on how your kids look

I don’t think so - were white British but she did grow up very poor on a large council estate and she’s definitely adopted a bit of a ‘Mrs bucket’ attitude in retaliation against her working class roots. She’s very focused on appearances.
OP posts:
JimHairy · 26/07/2021 08:04

@ineedanewnameplease

Is she stealing the clothes? Just with her taking tags off and not necessarily having the funds in the first place.

I think you definitely both need to have a conversation with her and she it's your DC and despite her concerns about the way he's dressed you are the parents and will dress your child how you like and she needs to stop.

She’s not stealing, I’ve seen the receipts. There’s one particular local baby boutique shop she seems to go to.
OP posts:
SquashMinusIsShit · 26/07/2021 08:08

If she keeps giving them to you sell it on eBay or Facebook market place & put the money aside either for her if she needs it down the line or your DS when he's older.

After the jeans incident I can see why you wouldn't put the clothes on him to show her they don't fit Angry

It is worth your DH speaking to her (agree it should just be him rather than you/you & him)

IDontDrinkTea · 26/07/2021 08:10

My MIL does this too. I’ve given up complaining. I just sell the stuff on as bnwot and then spend the money on stuff DD will actually enjoy. I don’t feel guilty as it’s not like I haven’t told her we don’t want them

nightlarking · 26/07/2021 08:14

I honestly don't even know where you can buy such expensive baby clothes! JoJo MB is too expensive in my book!

EssentialHummus · 26/07/2021 08:19

Your DH needs to sit down with her to say a) it's your baby, you'll dress him how you like and she needs to curb her comments sharpish or you'll be seeing less of her and b) given her endless complaints about her finances you all know that what she's doing isn't prudent and if another item of baby clothing from her comes through the door you'll be giving it straight to the charity shop. And mean it.

My parents are financially OK but my DM had a habit of sending baby DD clothes from COS. Did anyone know COS made baby clothes? I didn't. DD looked like some sort of cross between Winston Churchill and Tilda Swinson until we explained that it really wasn't our thing.

4PawsGood · 26/07/2021 08:21

@nightlarking

I honestly don't even know where you can buy such expensive baby clothes! JoJo MB is too expensive in my book!
Indeed!

I was going to suggest actually that you point her in that direction. The vests are still soft and stretchy but have little collars so look a bit more dressed than something with a vest neck?

Or just tell her it’s a bit common to have such expensive baby clothes and you’re worried about what your posh friends will think. Probably don’t do that.

Vest £7, reduced from £12 in photo.

MIL buying ridiculously expensive baby clothes..
Stakhanovite · 26/07/2021 08:22

Just thinking what you'd get if you put £680 into a savings account at 3% for 18 years. Very frustrating she's just chucking it away.

JimHairy · 26/07/2021 08:27

She’s mostly shopping in person at a local boutique place. I’m a bit cross because I think the owners take advantage of her a bit. I went with her once when we were out for lunch and they were very over friendly with her and were picking things up to show her and convincing her they were very ‘trendy’ etc. I think that’s a lot of the problem. They also order things for her online if they don’t have what she wants in the shop. So for example she’ll say she wants a nautical themed outfit, they’ll tell her they’ll get her something in on Tuesday and then order it from somewhere like jojo. A couple of the things she’s bought have been identical to things that are £20 on Jojo and she’s told us she’s paid £50+ for them.

OP posts:
HarebrightCedarmoon · 26/07/2021 08:29

I'd urge her to not waste her money, but that's all you can do.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/07/2021 08:34

I think DH needs to sit her down when there's no clothes being handed over so it isnt specific about that item and ask at is going on.

He knows she doesn't have the cash for the this and the clothes are just being wasted.
Your both worried about how angry she seems over it.
You both really appreciate DS being lucky enough to have her in his life but he doesn't need stuff, he needs cuddles and her.
Etc.

Chloemol · 26/07/2021 08:37

Just hand the clothes back, telling her they are not the correct size, and that he is dressed as most babies are and please stop buying. Tell her all clothes will be returned to her

godmum56 · 26/07/2021 08:37

I'd be a bit concerned about her behaviour tbh.....had you considered dementia?

breakfasty · 26/07/2021 08:38

DH needs to speak to her. If you think she's getting ripped off get him to show the identical thing online. Carry on as you are. If she insists you take the clothes then sell anything that doesn't fit and put it in a bank account for LO.

Camomila · 26/07/2021 08:40

Could you redirect her gifting efforts to the nicer end of the high street? eg, Jo Jo Maman Bebe or John Lewis, and point out things you do like that are still practical - eg, rompers, soft dungerees.

Then she still feels like she is helping but the stuff won't get wasted.

breakfasty · 26/07/2021 08:42

@Camomila

Could you redirect her gifting efforts to the nicer end of the high street? eg, Jo Jo Maman Bebe or John Lewis, and point out things you do like that are still practical - eg, rompers, soft dungerees.

Then she still feels like she is helping but the stuff won't get wasted.

That's a good idea. Maybe DH could take her on a shopping trip?
BarbaraofSeville · 26/07/2021 08:43

DD looked like some sort of cross between Winston Churchill and Tilda Swinson until we explained that it really wasn't our thing

Grin

This is so baffling. I really don't understand why anyone would do that. I hate to bring up a MNet cliche about strange behaviour from older people being the start of dementia, but could that be it?

Can't she see that if she didn't buy all these completely unnecessary clothes, she could afford a holiday? Or that if she invested the money for him, it would add up to loads when he is older. Plus she must know that babies just poo and puke all over their clothes before growing out of them in weeks anyway.

It's not even like babies look 'poor'/unpresentable in normal baby clothes, because everyone knows that people with money are the ones who buy their baby clothes second hand/in the supermarket. So conversely, if they're wearing expensive gear bought brand new, that's a marker of being less well off.

Mookie81 · 26/07/2021 08:43

@godmum56

I'd be a bit concerned about her behaviour tbh.....had you considered dementia?
For fuck's sake! Tell me you're making a joke? Hmm
onelittlefrog · 26/07/2021 08:44

@JimHairy

She’s mostly shopping in person at a local boutique place. I’m a bit cross because I think the owners take advantage of her a bit. I went with her once when we were out for lunch and they were very over friendly with her and were picking things up to show her and convincing her they were very ‘trendy’ etc. I think that’s a lot of the problem. They also order things for her online if they don’t have what she wants in the shop. So for example she’ll say she wants a nautical themed outfit, they’ll tell her they’ll get her something in on Tuesday and then order it from somewhere like jojo. A couple of the things she’s bought have been identical to things that are £20 on Jojo and she’s told us she’s paid £50+ for them.
Surely this is illegal? You can probably report them for this!
onelittlefrog · 26/07/2021 08:46

@SleepingStandingUp

I think DH needs to sit her down when there's no clothes being handed over so it isnt specific about that item and ask at is going on. He knows she doesn't have the cash for the this and the clothes are just being wasted. Your both worried about how angry she seems over it. You both really appreciate DS being lucky enough to have her in his life but he doesn't need stuff, he needs cuddles and her. Etc.
This.

You need to have a very direct but empathetic conversation with her at a time when there isn't actually Stuff being handed over.

This is obviously tied in to a lot of complicated emotions and it isn't about the clothes.

godmum56 · 26/07/2021 08:47

Mookie81 Mon 26-Jul-21 08:43:30
godmum56
I'd be a bit concerned about her behaviour tbh.....had you considered dementia?
For fuck's sake! Tell me you're making a joke? hmm

No I am not joking, I am a retired clinician. I am not saying it is and I know its a cliche but I wouldn't dismiss it. Irrational and excessive shopping plus trying to dress the baby when Mum has left the room would certainly make me wonder.

Confusedandshaken · 26/07/2021 08:48

Take the clothes. Smile and say thank you. In a few weeks time give them back to her saying 'it's so sad these didn't fit DS. I hope you can return them''.

gogohm · 26/07/2021 08:49

Sit her down, tell her where sells good baby clothes, what you need and correct size eg H&M 9-12 months winter clothes would be most helpful