To tell another adult that its bad manners?

[bluepompoms]

I am worried about this as don’t want kids to pick up on it.

DH is into cars, and knows a lot about them.

When we are out driving or if the TV is on and he sees a classic one or one like his or just one he likes he calls out. ‘Porsche!’ ‘Look, a Ferrari!’

Problem is he totally cuts across what you’re saying to do this. Even if it’s something important.

I’ve always hated it as you feel like a massive twat then pausing and resuming what you were saying, but AIBU to tell him it’s really bad manners? Worried about little DCs picking up on it and thinking it’s OK.

My husband used to do this. I just stopped dead in my tracks and didn't continue the conversation afterwards. He soon realised I felt like he wasn't listening so might as well not bother talking. He doesn't do it now.

@Donationwitheverypack

I'm not sure why he has to be interested in what you're saying when you have no interest in what he's saying, but if you don't like it, tell him.

It astounds me how many people here don't talk to their partners about the most basic things.

Because she was already talking. If he was half way through a story about Ferrari's and she blurted something out that he would have no interest in, then she would be the unreasonable one.

Just went for a walk with ds. He was telling me something and I exclaimed, “Look at that corn!” We stopped, admired the corn swaying in the breeze, and then he resumed his story.

Those saying you can’t interrupt are either saints who can tolerate the most long-winded bore, or are the long-winded bore themselves….

My mother has started doing this OP and it is infuriating. She will ask me a question, then two words into my answer, she will start pointing out a building to my son, despite the fact that neither child nor building are going anywhere and SHE JUST ASKED ME A QUESTION!!

It doesn't matter what I'm talking about - whether I'm telling her news, asking a question, halfway through passing on information about arrangements, so I don't think it is related to being bored with my conversation (which she is too polite to draw attention to anyway normally). In her case I think it's her age, because she's worried she won't remember something if she doesn't get it out!

Is your husband doing it for the kids benefit? Do they like seeing them? Or does he do it when it's just the two of you as well?

We all occasionally cut across one another to point out a soon-to-be-gone phenomenon (indeed, I excitedly told a whole train about a rainbow the other day !), but that should be a relative rarity for which you apologise or at least ask the person talking to continue.

Interrupting and cutting someone dead for a game that only you are playing is rude, and not at all the same as what some others are describing.

@DottyHarmer

Just went for a walk with ds. He was telling me something and I exclaimed, “Look at that corn!” We stopped, admired the corn swaying in the breeze, and then he resumed his story.

Those saying you can’t interrupt are either saints who can tolerate the most long-winded bore, or are the long-winded bore themselves….

Neither, I'm afraid. There's just a time and a place, sometimes it's ok, sometimes it's annoying. Some people don't pick up on that.

Stop talking and listening to him. Ideally he'll notice and ask why you are so quiet. "Because you don't listen when I speak, you interrupt to point out cars that I have no interest in hearing about. It doesn't seem worthwhile to talk to you, or indeed to listen to you.'

Be prepared, he may never notice (DH).

@Jux

Not interrupting stifles conversation. I understand that when grown-ups are talking it's usually more important that anything a two year old might have to say, but adults can gauge whether what they're interrupting with is reasonable.

I used to work with autistic children. I studied autism at Uni and beyond. A friend of dh once gave me a lecture about his own theory about autism and it's causes. I tried to interrupt to tell him that his basic premise was inaccurate and a misunderstanding of what theory of mind is, but he talked over me. For 20 minutes. Then he told me off for interrupting him in his own home.

I never went back. I have not had him in my home since. I have not seen or spoken to him since. Dh has recently decided he doesn't want much to do with him any more too, so I guess the next time I see him will be at dh't funeral (if dh predeceases me) and I'm quite looking forward to tell the sod to piss off.

Adults interrupr each other all the time. That's how conversation works.

It's only on the internet that you can't be interrupted. Like you couldn't interrupt my little lecture her.

But your friend was talking about autism so presumably is interested in it, and you interrupted to talk about autism. So clearly you had been listening to him even if you disagreed.
What would have been rude would have been to interrupt and start talking about an entirely different subject like the ops DH does.

It isn’t just Ferraris, although I’ve had more than one a year pointed out to me and we don’t even live in a posh area before anyone starts - but in general I am surprised how many people seem to think it’s acceptable just to shout over someone else.

Monologues are equally irritating but I don’t think I do that.

It is not that big of a deal. Annoying when it’s just him and me but I can shrug it off. However I do not want my children’s parents evenings to be recounting how they shout out in class. I really do think it’s so important to model good manners. I mean I’m not trying to sound like a dick here, but the number of people who have responded with ‘well what’s the problem’ has surprised me. It is a problem, it is rude, and I wouldn’t want to spend a lot of time with someone who constantly cut across whatever I was saying to point out a bird on the lawn or whatever.

I also think that something that’s really important to bear in mind with children especially is that they often start to tell you something seemingly inconsequential to build up to something important.

So you might get ‘Jake has been moved to sit next to Lucas in school,’ which is obviously unimportant.

But actually it might be he’s trying to build up to tell you that he feels like he’s losing all his friends but hasn’t got that language skill to just blurt it out. So if you cut in with ‘oh a squirrel’ you’ve closed it down. If you ask ‘oh yes? Are you pleased about that, or will you miss sitting next to him?’ you get the next bit of the story if you like.

Just something to bear in mind. And I get we can’t always give kids 100% of our time and attention.

@SW1amp

I think I do the same when I see a sausage dog

same, but any dog. Luckily my DP is the same.

I don't know if my DS's schools have been unusual, but his teachers seemed to positively relish students calling out answers and managing to get their voices heard above others. This was seen as being bold and enthusiastic. If you gave way and were quiet in the classroom, this was a sign of passivity and weakness.

All very different to my own experiences in school.

SarahLou. PORSHUH. not Porsh. If you can, listen to a recording of James Hunt or Murray Walker. I am amazed that, even on talking books, the wrong pronunciation is used. Hardly fair on children.

@TheFoundations

SQUIRREL!!!

I do this with cheese

And crisps

This is very different. Calling out answers as opposed to putting your hand up is very different to calling out what you can see from the window or talking about personal interests. This would not be demonstrating enthusiasm for the object of shared attention.

I can see where the OP is coming from. My son was constantly told off for distracting others (ADHD). There are times when not sharing attention is inappropriate if it impacts others. Teachers are OK with zoning out and daydreaming. Not OK for the individual but they are not a disturbing presence. Teachers are absolutely not OK with ramdom shouting out. Because it breaks social rules, upsets the dynamic and disturbs others.

Isn't it PORSH in English and PORSH-UH (actually PORSH-EH) in German?

@bluepompoms you can of course make it a manners issue with your DC. If they do it, gently correct it and point out it's rude. If they argue 'but dad does it!', you answer that it's rude when dad does it too, but as he's a grown up he gets to decide if he wants to be rude.

OP, just to say that I completely understand. I find this incredibly bad manners.

It's rarely done with malice, and can be done with varying degrees of self-importance (whether or not they actively ask you to continue after their interruption, for example), but it's always a sign of lack of consideration for other people.

The difference between you and me is that I'm not surprised but how many people on here think it's no big deal. A lot of people do it. It's no less rude for being fairly common!

I also agree that some people bore on and on, which is also rude and tedious. It's still no excuse for being rude and tedious yourself by cutting across someone. Moving the conversation on without interrupting is an acquired skill, but it's worth cultivating. It's also emphatically not the case that off you are interrupted, you must necessarily be a person who drones on.

One thing interrupters probably don't realise is how many opportunities they lose and how many people avoid them because of this boorish habit. Very few people will kindly but frankly take them to task for it; the offender will just be subtly passed over for jobs/promotions/invitations because it's unpleasant, and the offenders are none the wiser. I've seen this happen at work.

Raising it with your DH would be doing him a favour if he's willing to take it on board, but it's a very ingrained habit in my experience.

@HopeForTheBestExpectTheWorst

Isn't it PORSH in English and PORSH-UH (actually PORSH-EH) in German?

It's a German surname so there isn't really an English translation, just a common English mispronounciation. I guess the test would be whether employees of the company based in the UK would say Porsh or Porsh- uh.

Haha he sounds like a child, how are you still attracted to him?!

Oh god there's nothing more unattractive than a man hold

Man child

My DH does this. About cars, motorbikes, buildings, lots of things. It’s often the same thing every time we go somewhere. He insists that you stop what your doing to look, it’s super irritating because it’s never anything i find interesting. If it was an adorable puppy or something I’d be fine with it. I have told him it’s irritating lots, he hasn’t stopped yet. If I explain that i don’t know/care about motorbikes he will just explain to me why I should. I have been very blunt many times.

It would infuriate me as I hate it when people interrupt what ever it is they have to say!

@HoliHormonalTigerlilly

Yellow car!!!!

SNAP!