To tell another adult that its bad manners?

[bluepompoms]

I am worried about this as don’t want kids to pick up on it.

DH is into cars, and knows a lot about them.

When we are out driving or if the TV is on and he sees a classic one or one like his or just one he likes he calls out. ‘Porsche!’ ‘Look, a Ferrari!’

Problem is he totally cuts across what you’re saying to do this. Even if it’s something important.

I’ve always hated it as you feel like a massive twat then pausing and resuming what you were saying, but AIBU to tell him it’s really bad manners? Worried about little DCs picking up on it and thinking it’s OK.

"But also, if you're driving, and there's a really uncommon car, it's not something where you can wait for someone to finish, because it'll be gone. And it's ok to find something really exciting."

But if no one else would be interested you just keep it to yourself?

Perhaps you should shout out "not fucking interested", Op.

And would all these excited people shout out their words in the middle of a job interview if they saw their favourite thing out of the window?

My dad does this and I always find it infuriating and so rude. I wouldn't mind being interrupted so much if he'd at least then acknowledge it and say, "Sorry, do go on, you were telling me about your day..." (or whatever, but usually he then just hijacks the conversation and it makes you feel like whatever you were talking about is boring and unimportant. And to be fair, probably half the time it is, or it isn't important enough to wrestle control of the conversation back, but it's still really rude to make someone feel like that.

It's bad enough when someone does that to point out something on TV or that you're driving past - I can understand that if they waited for a gap in the conversation, whatever it was would be long gone - but my husband does something that annoys me even more. I'll be talking to him while I'm eg cooking or washing up and he walks out of the room, so I realise I've been talking to an empty room. And it's rarely important enough to repeat - it just makes me feel like what I was saying was boring and inconsequential, and therefore so am I. Drives me crazy.

when it's something fleeting on TV or when driving that

I thought this was perfectly normal. WE all do it in my family, any of us might do it concerning an unusual car. DH is interested in rare birds and will chip in if he sees one so we can all say if we agree what it is. With me it might be something someone is weariorsomeone strange or eccentric ( the last time it was a man in a silver suit, with bleached hair riding a motorbike that was gold with wings at the back. To us these are all more exciting than a conversation that can be resumed at any point.

YANBU to tell him that you find it rude and belittling of what you're saying when he does that. It might not fix things, but it's not unreasonable to discuss these things with your husband.

YABabitU to think it's entirely about you and what you're saying and to make it entirely personal. It makes sense with what you said about your parents and I've been there too, but - as shown in this thread - for some it's a learned response that in some families is just part things and for others it's an executive dysfunction issue where the word is out before the brain is really aware enough to put on the breaks or even when trying to focus have those type of random thoughts if other stimuli comes into the field of view/sound/smell/brain. I've been trying to work on it on the opposite side too, but I've definitely had the occasion where I've done it and cringed at myself after.

@bluepompoms

I don’t expect perfect manners, I’ve put up with it for years. It does annoy me because I do think it’s rude but I’ve put up with it because I care about DH.

What I am worried about is raising children who think it’s acceptable to shout across others, including the teacher when they start school.

I love how the interrupters have decided I’m the rude one because I’m boring

You've had some very strange responses on here OP, and I can't decide whether some are outright wind-ups.

I voted YANBU.

The only bit I am still a bit muddled by from your posts is why you don't feel you can tell him outright it annoys you. My entry point to this would have been telling him someone I was close to had a terminal illness and the 'FERRARI' shout out.

I wouldn't be bothered with the whole 'it's bad manners and I'm concerned the kids might do it' personally, I'd just be describing how it makes you feel and asking him not to do it again with you. It's his call whether he thinks other people don't mind and their responsibility to tell them if they do.

If he carried on, I'd then ask him what that was about. Because that is the part that is actually important and in fact what you don't want him modelling in front of your kids - just completely ignoring a reasonable request from you not to do something that upsets you.

If he thinks he can never get a word in edgewise - that's also his look out to address. But shouting out names of cars doesn't suggest to me he feels he's not being 'heard' - it seems like someone who thinks the world is interested in whatever enters his head and wants to hear about it RIGHT NOW.

(Is he boring? Sounds it.)

And would all these excited people shout out their words in the middle of a job interview if they saw their favourite thing out of the window?

Obviously not because there's a big difference between being in a formal setting with people you don't know and your partner who you are relaxed with and just hanging out.

@AintPageantMaterial - aw, thanks I link that core beliefs article a lot; it's well written and easy to understand.

You might enjoy Responsibility Rebellion by Kain Ramsay...or I can link about a bazillion CBT articles saved from my studying over the last 18 months

Because it seems like some people don't really know their audience

DH used to cut over me sometimes. I just then stopped talking after he did it. If he then asked what I was saying I just said it clearly wasn't important to him so it doesn't matter. Used to wind him up wondering what I was saying and he also would get the message. He rarely does it now but I still do the same.

I should add that this was after a number of times pointing it out when he did it. The silence worked better, not a moody silence, just silence.

I know exactly what you mean.

My parents do this. I'll be telling them something important and my mum will say to my dad 'can you just straighten that placemat up please?', he'll say 'like this?' I could be talking about a significant life event and they would do this. Or they notice a mark on the table and start scrubbing it with a cloth. I know they can't multi task so aren't listening to me anymore.

It is infuriating. It makes me rush what I'm saying or not want to say it at all. I agree with you that it's like they just don't care.

@MoreAloneTime

Because it seems like some people don't really know their audience

Yup!

Op's husband being a case in point.

..its not someone.its her fella. I never said-enoy it. . If it pissed me off id have said at start.what you allow,continues. .. kids gony learn in family time theres a slight shift....its not even worth gettong knickers in a bunch bout

Threads like this are so interesting because rude people out themselves. OP, how did he respond the time you said something? That that may be indicative of how to approach the issue (which is an issue and has to stop).

@MoreAloneTime

And would all these excited people shout out their words in the middle of a job interview if they saw their favourite thing out of the window?

Do you have the same manners with your partner as you do in a job interview?

I'm not even an interrupter nor a car fan - actually I like generally quiet car journeys altogether so find ongoing chatting just as frustrating - but think that so many comments here do come across as really stultifying. Suggesting saying to an actual partner 'before I was so rudely interrupted..." instead of just, 'hey, I was still talking" or "please don't interrupt me (for anything short of a brand new Lamborghini or a batmobile)". Or just accept that we all have some annoying habits, and at least this one is about trying to share some excitement and let it go.

OP it seems to me like the kids are the perfect excuse. It's a bit like when you have them and realise that you can't swear liberally any more. So it may have got to the point where he just thinks that you embrace this little quirk of his and find it funny, but you can frame it as "I know it's your thing but now that the kids are older we really need to model not interrupting because they are going to have problems at school and with friends if they copy you". That way you're pointing out that the world at large would see it as rude even if he somehow thinks it's OK in a family context. Next step is getting him to rein it in when the kids aren't within earahot.

No but I know how to adapt my behaviour for an audience and wouldn't interrupt a conversation with irrelevant facts that are only of interest to me. If you can keep your outbursts to yourself for something formal like an interview you can do the same for someone who you know doesn't like it.

More generally, in a world of soundbites and slogans and audio streams that can be halted and restarted at will, people's ability to listen to each other for a protracted period of time seems to be diminishing.

It's sad. Bring back storytelling round the campfire.

@HoliHormonalTigerlilly

Yellow car!!!!

OMG - do you play yellow car too?! We also do the mini (car) version. 😀

@HaveringWavering

OP it seems to me like the kids are the perfect excuse. It's a bit like when you have them and realise that you can't swear liberally any more. So it may have got to the point where he just thinks that you embrace this little quirk of his and find it funny, but you can frame it as "I know it's your thing but now that the kids are older we really need to model not interrupting because they are going to have problems at school and with friends if they copy you". That way you're pointing out that the world at large would see it as rude even if he somehow thinks it's OK in a family context. Next step is getting him to rein it in when the kids aren't within earahot.

I think this is a very good point actually, me and DP pull each other up on things we probably shouldn't do in front of DD all the time!

We all have different tolerances and things that bother us. I think it’s best to mention it rather than keep seething and then end up shouting at him (appreciate you probably wouldn’t do this, but I would!) My OH gets really annoyed when I read our social media posts to him, no reason why, it just bothers him. So I don’t do it now!

@OutwiththeOutCrowd

More generally, in a world of soundbites and slogans and audio streams that can be halted and restarted at will, people's ability to listen to each other for a protracted period of time seems to be diminishing.

It's sad. Bring back storytelling round the campfire.

SCREECH OWL!

Sorry, please continue with your story

!

@bluepompoms

I’d think you were really rude, if you want my answer there to be an honest one *@Jaichangecentfoisdenom*

‘I’m really looking forward to the -‘

‘SMART’

It would make me feel I’d better STFU as I’m clearly boring everyone. That’s how I feel when dh does it to me. I feel stupid and small. It’s not just the interruption but the fact that something else is clearly more interesting.

I absolutely agree. It makes it very clear that the person doing it is neither properly listening to you, nor in the least bit interested in you.

I come from a big family who talk a lot , interrupting, finishing other’s sentences etc but with each other it’s never rude, always good humoured.My DB’s wife is an only child and I think found us a bit rude. DB said at her parents house, when someone talks , everyone listens. Sound reasonable but we all felt like naughty school children when he told us and of course tried not to laugh. It’s just learnt familial behaviour and is often cultural.My family is mainly Irish.