To tell another adult that its bad manners?

[bluepompoms]

I am worried about this as don’t want kids to pick up on it.

DH is into cars, and knows a lot about them.

When we are out driving or if the TV is on and he sees a classic one or one like his or just one he likes he calls out. ‘Porsche!’ ‘Look, a Ferrari!’

Problem is he totally cuts across what you’re saying to do this. Even if it’s something important.

I’ve always hated it as you feel like a massive twat then pausing and resuming what you were saying, but AIBU to tell him it’s really bad manners? Worried about little DCs picking up on it and thinking it’s OK.

He's excited , don't be a buzz kill!

I don't think you need to wait and build up to a big "telling off", I would just make it clear you find it rude every time. When my DP does this I say something like "oh I've lost my train of thought now, you cut across me". It's obvious it's rude, it's a basic social skill.

I come from a family of interrupters

Are you married to my husband?

MY XH used to do this (although it wasn't cars it was anything random he wanted to shout out). He did it to other people not just me and the children. It was essentially because he was completely self absorbed and not actually interested in anything anyone else was saying and he considered anything he wanted to shout (things like 'house martin' or 'hot air balloon' or 'air ambulance' or 'dragonfly') more important than eg DD trying to tell us she was being bullied at school.

So I would definitely pull him up on it - but I doubt he will change. I would guess he's been allowed to get away with it all his life, I corrected my children if they rudely interrupted, maybe your H's parents were of the 'aww he can shout other people down because he's excited' mindframe, and what they have produced is a rude selfish adult.
It is irritating in a child, unacceptable in an adult.

I can always remember reading an article about people who have charisma. The sort of person who might have a different political view to you but you really like.
One of things mentioned was that they really listen to you and make you feel like you are the most important person in the world.
By interrupting and talking about a totally unrelated topic they are making you feel unimportant and uninteresting, as if they are not really listening.
So yes it seems really rude.

We used to play (still do sometimes) 'yellow car, no returns'.

The person who saw the car called it out loud and then we just continued with our previous conversation. Maybe it feels rude because you don't join in?

We don't routinely interrupt and my sons have not turned into rude people because of it.

My DH has ADHD and does this. I've told him it's something people definitely interpret as rudeness. He also has to interrupt with a thought that can be entirely unrelated to the conversation so that he doesn't forget it. And has half a conversation with himself in his head and then suddenly starts having the rest of it out loud. Very confusing and frustrating sometimes!

It is a reasonable action of his when driving because one only has 3 seconds to see the rarity.

However in other conversations normal etiquette should prevail. Do not interrupt other conversations!
BTW most Porsche should not qualify as noteworthy. Speedster (James Dean ) only.

He’s excited? 🙄

He sounds like my toddler during that adorable phase where they toddle down the street going “bird! House! Man!”

Luckily they grow out of it and manage to not shout words out randomly.

I don't really see it as rude. If we were eatingunch with my parents and talking but one of us saw a goldfinch outside, for example, we'd certainly pipe up about it, and then return to the original conversation. We also regularly interrupt to say "ddog, stop that xyz" or "sorry to interrupt, do you want the kettle on?" And then carry on.
Same with groups of friends, we often have several conversations on the go and flick between them.
I also say "cows!" When passing a field of cows in the car, no matter what the current conversation is
So tell him you think it's rude if you want but I personally would think you're were being very prescious about it. Its not a huge change of conversation, just someone pointing out something briefly before you go back to you original point. He wants to share something that excites him.

I get that it’s a game, @Jaichangecentfoisdenom but I’ve said honestly that I would find it really rude.

It’s always been drummed into me not to interrupt. I mean, I get this is an extreme example but would you still do it if someone was talking about something really serious, like saying they had lost their job or they were on the brink of the house being repossessed?

I’ve never had conversations of such gravity with dh but there have been times I’ve been talking about something important and he’s done it, and it is rude, and it’s definitely not something I want my children to do.

@SW1amp

I think I do the same when I see a sausage dog

I do it when I see a beagle @SW1amp

OP - if it upsets you then by all means talk about it, but I can't say it would bother me. It's pretty normal to point things out that you've spotted and if the car is moving, he can't really wait five minutes to point it out.

Yes, interrupting because you’ve suddenly seen something unusual, “OMG, look! A flying pig!!!!” surely is ok? You are not allowed to point something out?

Also, frankly, OP, are you droning on? We all drift off a bit if our spouse is telling us for the umpteenth time about the situation with Val from Marketing or where John and Sarah are holidaying.

If someone interrupts to start a new conversation, then that is quite rude, but I do think that some people hold on to the “talking pillow” for rather too long…

It’s always been drummed into me not to interrupt. I mean, I get this is an extreme example but would you still do it if someone was talking about something really serious, like saying they had lost their job or they were on the brink of the house being repossessed?

That's really not a fair comparison.

My dad definitely started doing that as he got older @Alannawhorideslikeaman

I gave up talking to him in the end as it would go something like ‘oh dad, I’ve got some great news, I’ve seen a -‘

‘Ooh! OOOH! There’s a robin.’

It was constant and I realised in the end he wasn’t arsed about talking to me, so I just used to say yeah fine thanks when he asked how I was. I do think it was an age thing as he was always very strict about me not doing that when I was little!

@Alannawhorideslikeaman

I don't really see it as rude. If we were eatingunch with my parents and talking but one of us saw a goldfinch outside, for example, we'd certainly pipe up about it, and then return to the original conversation. We also regularly interrupt to say "ddog, stop that xyz" or "sorry to interrupt, do you want the kettle on?" And then carry on. Same with groups of friends, we often have several conversations on the go and flick between them. I also say "cows!" When passing a field of cows in the car, no matter what the current conversation is So tell him you think it's rude if you want but I personally would think you're were being very prescious about it. Its not a huge change of conversation, just someone pointing out something briefly before you go back to you original point. He wants to share something that excites him.

Well I think you might be underestimating how often people think you are being rude. Interrupting to tell a dog not to do something is entirely different to interrupting to point out something that makes absolutely no difference to the day or conversation, especially if it's something you know is only of interest to you and not the speaker. Cutting across them mid flow might not bother you but it IS a rude habit, and it can be very irritating.

But that’s exactly it @icedcoffees

Either someone’s saying something that’s worth listening to, or not.

I was telling DH about a colleague I worked with ages ago who I’d just found out had terminal cancer so OK not a close friend but still - and he still bellowed FERRARI (or whatever the hell it was!)

That just seemed grossly insensitive to me. And on that occasion I said something. But generally I just think it’s a horribly rude thing to do and I’m surprised so many people do if, tbh. I’m not trying to sound like a prissy arse but I wouldn’t dream of shouting across someone talking.

I get what you mean about it making you feel small and unimportant. When people do this to me I just give up on the conversation as it's too awkward for me.

You wouldn't be unreasonable to tell him it's rude and setting a bad example for your children.

He’s excited?

Aren't adults allowed to be excited?

Whenever he starts talking shout out a random word. Every time.

Shall we get a

SOCKS!

..takeaway for

GERBILS!

...dinner or

CRUMPETS!!

The other thing is I think you should apologise if it absolutely has to be interrupted. obviously there are instances when that happens like when a dog is misbehaving or a toddler is reaching for something they shouldn’t be. But then surely the polite thing to do is ‘so sorry Mary, you were saying, Jim has moved out?’ or whatever?

@bluepompoms

But that’s exactly it *@icedcoffees*

Either someone’s saying something that’s worth listening to, or not.

I was telling DH about a colleague I worked with ages ago who I’d just found out had terminal cancer so OK not a close friend but still - and he still bellowed FERRARI (or whatever the hell it was!)

That just seemed grossly insensitive to me. And on that occasion I said something. But generally I just think it’s a horribly rude thing to do and I’m surprised so many people do if, tbh. I’m not trying to sound like a prissy arse but I wouldn’t dream of shouting across someone talking.

I'm really torn here, to be honest.

If DH started to talk to me about someone they worked with years ago (and that I didn't know), I don't think I'd be paying all that much attention to what he was saying, in all honesty.

He often says to me "I saw Mark today and he said xyz" and I'm sat there thinking "Who the bloody hell is Mark and why do I care what he said?!"

DH is what I call a "witterer" and he will talk about absolute nonsense to pass the time, fill in the silence during an ad-break etc.

I appreciate you were probably a bit upset/shocked about your ex-colleague, but to be honest, I can totally see why he wasn't listening.

@aSofaNearYou I've obviously found my people then because we all do it when in conversation to each other. I'm pretty certain my friends and family don't find me rude, or they'd stop trying to spend time with us, and I doubt I'd have been so successful in work if I was regularly rude

I actually think it's a proven thing that there are two main styles of conversation. In fact I read about it on Mumsnet. Where some people expect and want to talk in a monologue, whereas others prefer a more varied and flexible style of conversation. Can't remember the name of it though!

I have a friend who has ASD who does this.

He's very excited about transport and also certain instruments in songs.

In his mind he's not being rude, he's sharing something he thinks is really exciting.

I mean social norms are great and thet but not every person is neurotypical and they shouldn't be ashamed of that.

Obviously if you're upset I'd mention it when you're not busy and just explain how it makes you feel.

I'm visually impaired and many of my friends interrupt or do other perhaps socially not ok things. Not because they want to offend anyone, but because they can't see social cues.