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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to sell a gift

308 replies

Lastsundayinjuly · 25/07/2021 20:10

I was bought an expensive present a few months ago, worth over a thousand pounds.

I don’t use it and won’t have many opportunities to.

I want to sell it but the person who gave it to me is clearly against this.

Is this horribly ungrateful of me or makes sense? (I could really, really use the money.)

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 26/07/2021 08:32

Hang on I'm a bit confused. Does DP not know about the gift? Sounds like it comes from an ex or something. I'd be more likely to sell if that was the case.

Merryoldgoat · 26/07/2021 08:35

I don’t understand why your partner doesn’t want you to if you aren’t using it?

My DH wouldn’t mind if it was a misjudged gift that couldn’t be returned.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/07/2021 08:37

@Tavannach

See the thing is if DP (yes, I’ll answer that one) happens upon it, it could be a little bit awkward.

Let no man put asunder.

Sell without guilt.

Oh hang on, i read that wrong.

Ok so someone has spent a small fortune on something you couldn't show your DH and the buyer would be pissed if you sold it.

I'd sell it. Surely its not worth the agro in your marriage to keep something from an ex? would-be lover? that you dont want anyway? Or just give it back and tell them its inappropriate and on second consideration you cannot accept it

HaveringWavering · 26/07/2021 08:44

@MyOtherProfile

Hang on I'm a bit confused. Does DP not know about the gift? Sounds like it comes from an ex or something. I'd be more likely to sell if that was the case.
I presume she means if her DP happens upon the thread, not the gift. Which he might do if (e.g.) he Googles "sell gold-plated KitchenAid " and the item is mentioned here. OP I can see that you are getting frustrated with the questions about what it is. However quite a few people (including me) have tried to give you generic advice or have asked other types of questions but you're not engaging with us either.
MyOtherProfile · 26/07/2021 08:54

Good point @HaveringWavering

Yeah it's the generic questions being answered that would help. I don't care what the item is or who specifically gave it but some general ball park responses (like to my questions a couple of posts back) would lead to more sensible responses from readers.

Sciurus83 · 26/07/2021 08:54

Christ Alive OP, the etiquette depends on the nature of the gift. Isn't that obvious?! Which you won't disclose. Having an existential crisis over it is a bit melodramatic. In these circumstances it is quite usual to suggest something that isn't the actual thing but is similar in terms of the types of parameters eg sentimental, personalised, practical, resale value etc. If you want some actual genuine advice perhaps you could do that? Is it a pet?! Has he got you a miniature horse? Please let it be a miniature horse!

SunshineCake · 26/07/2021 08:54

It is definitely relevant what the item is but if you are happy with less good quality advice Becky see you don't want to say then that's your choice.

However, it isn't the givers fault you need the money. They wanted you to have this gift, they didn't offer you money for bills or whatever it is you need extra money for.

pleasedonttextmyman · 26/07/2021 08:58

It isn’t attention seeking, it is everyone else who has decided that this is of such importance they must know, that is not my fault at all.

Lastsundayinjuly
maybe, just maybe, consider that if it's everyone else there might be a good reason for it Hmm

and unless you want, as a poster suggested, a 300 lines post listing the answer for every possible item
-luxury handbag (sell)
-a kidney (keep)
-hot tube (sell)
-a horse (sell)
-run-down house in Burley (sell)
-a ring with some diamonds from his mother's engagement ring (keep)

the whole thread is a complete moot point.

Original poster
Lastsundayinjuly · 26/07/2021 09:04

Who is Becky?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lastsundayinjuly · 26/07/2021 09:05

I can assure you I am absolutely not having an existential crisis.

I cannot believe you typed that and then I am the one accused of attention seeking.

OP posts:
HaveringWavering · 26/07/2021 09:06

@Lastsundayinjuly

Who is Becky?
It's an autocorrect for "because", I imagine.
Sciurus83 · 26/07/2021 09:08

Ooooook then! Well enjoy your miniature horse, I've always thought they were rather sweet.

Original poster
Lastsundayinjuly · 26/07/2021 09:08

Right, sorry Smile

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 26/07/2021 09:09

So will DP be upset if he finds the thread or the gift?

Original poster
Lastsundayinjuly · 26/07/2021 09:14

The point is, it was a gift with kind but in all honesty rather foolish intentions, it wasn’t thought through. I’ve tried to gently raise it but it’s hard to do that without calling him a fool. So as I have said we are stuck with it which is a little annoying! But to be totally honest it is bothering some people here far more than me it would seem.

OP posts:
MusicTeacherSussex · 26/07/2021 09:17

OK OP. If you've already discussed selling it with DP then he's not going to find out via this thread is he? So in case this isn't a massive wind up because you're bored:

What you are telling us is that your partner (who presumably you lives with if you are framing it as 'we could use the money for this') has overspent on something he thinks you will enjoy, and you don't want it.

Clearly the issue here is that if you are even vaguely tied together financially, he should have discussed with you whether it was worth spending so much money on something you don't like.

You say you really need the money, so it sounds like purchasing whatever it is was a completely foolish thing to do, and you're now in a position where it's backfired. IF your finances are separate and he can afford to buy you expensive presents without thinking about how much you'll use them, maybe he can help you out financially with whatever it is you need the money for.

FWIW you do sound a bit ungrateful, (you asked!) but until you tell people even loosely what kind of thing it is then you'll continue to sound like a bit of a nutcase.

jacks11 · 26/07/2021 09:18

Return the gift if you don’t like it? I think selling an expensive gift because you need the money is a bit off somehow.. it seems a bit ungrateful and that you’d rather just have cash, which they didn’t want to give you, presumably- so it seems rather underhand to get it via the backdoor, so to speak.

Why did you accept an expensive gift you did not have intentions of keeping?

I suppose it also depends on how much you value the person who gave it to you? If they are important to you, then i think you keep the gift and perhaps consider returning it to them.

Caszekey · 26/07/2021 09:18

So if you want to sell it be more direct.

We cannot afford this and it isn't something i will use. We could use the money much better on X. If you have the receipt i will return it otherwise I'm going to sell it and give you the money back.

Original poster
Lastsundayinjuly · 26/07/2021 09:20

Feel free to report. Some of you are like spoilt little children, you really are.i

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 26/07/2021 09:21

So the gift is from your DP.

Would he notice if it was no longer there?

To be honest I'd sit down and talk to my DH and we'd have a laugh about what we could buy instead.

If the item is very expensive and you really could do with the cash, I think you need to sit down and talk to him about it nicely. I'd also tell him you're really grateful but xyz needs to be bought or fixed etc and you could do with the money right now instead.

You shoudl be able ot talk to your DP.

HaveringWavering · 26/07/2021 09:23

Isn’t the issue here that you have realised that your partner doesn’t really know you at all, if he would spend a grand on something you will never use? (Unless he is extremely wealthy and it’s the relative equivalent of £50 for him) I can see that must be disappointing and quite difficult to digest.

It’s not that you’d make him seem a fool if you were honest, it’s that you can’t really bear having a conversation that will bring out into the open how incompatible you are. But on the other hand the expense and waste is eating away at you.

SunshineCake · 26/07/2021 09:36

What did you want from this thread ? What it is and who gave it to you is extremely relevant.

HaveringWavering · 26/07/2021 09:38

@SunshineCake

What did you want from this thread ? What it is and who gave it to you is extremely relevant.
To be fair she has answered the second question.
ThorsLeftNut · 26/07/2021 09:38

Is it a sellable item? Would it hold is value?

I wrote up thread that if it’s a usable item (eg, seeing machine/bike/games console) then can you discuss and agree if it’s not used in a certain timeframe then it’s going?

Caszekey · 26/07/2021 09:41

@HaveringWavering

Isn’t the issue here that you have realised that your partner doesn’t really know you at all, if he would spend a grand on something you will never use? (Unless he is extremely wealthy and it’s the relative equivalent of £50 for him) I can see that must be disappointing and quite difficult to digest.

It’s not that you’d make him seem a fool if you were honest, it’s that you can’t really bear having a conversation that will bring out into the open how incompatible you are. But on the other hand the expense and waste is eating away at you.

Plus they cant afford it so it's also poor decision making on his behalf. I can see why you're disappointed in him op