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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to sell a gift

308 replies

Lastsundayinjuly · 25/07/2021 20:10

I was bought an expensive present a few months ago, worth over a thousand pounds.

I don’t use it and won’t have many opportunities to.

I want to sell it but the person who gave it to me is clearly against this.

Is this horribly ungrateful of me or makes sense? (I could really, really use the money.)

OP posts:
Tigerstripe20 · 27/07/2021 19:18

If its a Peloton bike I understand ,if DH bought me one of those with their arse numbing seats it would be the world's most expensive clothes hanger!

Kteeb1 · 27/07/2021 19:21

You're not unreasonable to want to sell a gift. I gave some gifts my mum and dad gave me when I downsized a house to a teeny flat in London to a charity shop and they were really hurt! Presents usually mean something to the giver. But it's from your partner, you can't hide it. And thought clearly went into it as when you broached the subject they weren't happy. In hindsight you could have done a feelings saving thing life 'I really love the gift, but maybe we should think about selling I would be devastated but I'll make the sacrifice. Etc. But now a bit of money is not worth hurting them, and you know it will now so no excuse. So let it go. If you split up you can sell it then and have a party. And no, we don't need to know to give advice!

MeanderingGently · 27/07/2021 19:25

I'm afraid I always sell gifts I don't want. In the past I have sold expensive vouchers (think hundreds of pounds for posh meals or spa days), designer handbags and clothing/scarves, expensive 'phones, exercise bikes and even batches of alcohol (I don't drink). The alcohol was actually passed on to a friend who gave me money for it as I suspect I would have needed a licence otherwise.

If you don't want it and could use the money, I wouldn't say anything to anyone and just sell. It's your gift and now yours to do with whatever you please. I wouldn't be asking the giver, and if they notice and ask where it is, I'd just say, Oh yes, I sold it.

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/07/2021 19:42

@Lastsundayinjuly

Nowhere in my OP did I suggest not lying. I was wondering if it was unreasonable to plough on regardless and sell it even though I know the gift giver would probably be put out and hurt.

It is a little frustrating as like I say I do need the money and it is literally gathering dust. Sigh.

As for the we must know what it is posters …l I would actually have been more inclined to share what it was had posters been upfront and said ‘I’m desperate to know because I’m a nosey git’!

@Lastsundayinjuly

‘I’m desperate to know because I’m a nosey git’!

Blondes is nosey. What is gift

And yes if given something it’s yours to do what you like with it

Buffs · 27/07/2021 19:42

It depends.
Not enough info

Ddot · 27/07/2021 19:45

It's yours do what you like with it. If it was given with, I will have back if you dont want, then that's different.

LordOfTheThings · 27/07/2021 19:51

FFS why are people badgering the OP to tell them what it is when she's already said she doesn't want to say? Yes it may change the advice given, but SHE DOESN'T WANT TO SAY WHAT IT IS. If you can't possibly come up with an answer without knowing what it is, then don't bother and read another thread. This place is weird sometimes.

oakleaffy · 27/07/2021 19:53

Sybian?
As DP might be put out.

burritofan · 27/07/2021 20:07

I think if it’s a DP who you live with and it’s family money, you can have the conversation, sell even if he gets the hump, and live with the brief hurt/fallout while also feeling relieved about the money crisis.

If you don’t live together, or have separate finances, I think it would be a little weird to sell a valuable gift and pocket the money. A bit transactional. Technically you’re allowed but if I bought a boyfriend something and he sold it to pay his gas bill, or whatever, I’d be deeply weirded out.

Would you still want to sell it or get rid of it if you were solvent/awash with money/not in need? Or would you keep it for sentimental “DP gave this ornamental frog to me, thus I love it despite it being a bugger to dust” reasons?

altiara · 27/07/2021 20:25

Can you still return it or would it have to be sold as used?
Maybe just sell it, if DH is hurt then say you’re hurt at him slinking so much money on something you don’t want that’s collecting dust.

Other questions / what size is it? Can you get a copy or a cheap version instead to pretend you still have it?

QueeniesCroft · 27/07/2021 20:30

What are the consequences of not selling? Would it mean a missed mortgage payment, or just no holiday this year? Do you need expensive glasses, or just struggle to find the cash for new clothes?

My husband isn't allowed to choose things after he bought me pigs (real, living ones!), but if he had, then he is the one person I would feel that I could talk to and explain why the thing had to go.

I have sold gifts in the past, that I knew were given in bad faith and in order to upset or humiliate me. Usually by my sister, who would give me clothes that she knew were far too big for me (while heavily hinting that I was a massive porker, despite being about 5 stone lighter than her!), or a coffee machine when she knew I hated coffee, wine glasses when she knows I don't drink etc, etc. I didn't sell the sex toys that she thought were somehow appropriate gifts from my sister, I just binned them.

LunaBunaTuna · 27/07/2021 21:02

@HaveringWavering

I suppose I was thinking of how shops don’t allow pierced earrings to be returned, they always warn you that at the till. So I kind of thought that by extension nobody would buy pre-worn ones. But if you said specifically yours were never worn *@Merryoldgoat then I guess that’s different. @WrongWayApricot* were you a child yourself when you received that gift?!
@HaveringWavering I’ve bought antique (2nd hand) diamond stud earrings before now as much better value than new. I assume they were cleaned before but the shopkeeper cleaned them in front of me with an antiseptic wipe anyway so I was happy to try a few pairs on.
occa · 27/07/2021 21:04

I would want to sell it but unfortunately OP I don't think you can under these circumstances without causing a lot of aggro if you can't persuade the giver to agree.

How you approach depends slightly on what type of thing it is: if it's something that will depreciate quickly and be almost worthless in a few years (electronics etc) then I'd push the sell idea a bit harder, or make myself use it.

If it's more of an investment piece (designer gear, art, antique, rugs etc) then I'd put it away quietly and keep it safe and in good nick then revisit the selling idea in a few years when feelings have subsided a bit.

KormasABitch · 27/07/2021 21:04

Look up "white elephant." An expensive unwanted gift, especially when it could be converted into something useful, is almost a curse.

My parents brought me up to believe that you give to someone on the understanding that if they think it's crap, they are under no obligation to keep it. Anything else is just pure ego trip for the giver.

patkinney · 27/07/2021 21:08

@DrRichardBurke

MacBook?
The OP is obviously Rachel, so why don't you ask Monica to ask Rachel what it is and then tell us?
HarrietsweetHarriet · 27/07/2021 21:20

If it's a beautiful guitar, please dm me as my DH finds it hard to resist guitars..

SherbrookeFosterer · 27/07/2021 21:28

Depends what it is.

Is it a Tracey Emin or a Shani?

If you need money, might be worth hanging on to for a bit.

TrickorTreacle · 27/07/2021 22:02

OP is BU due to their 'vaguebooking' approach (and thus not getting the intended responses), and for insisting people leave the thread such as @SleepingStandingUp

karenjkayjay · 27/07/2021 23:20

Was there actually any need for this thread? Or just a tease to get people asking what the item was? So strange

Nannamia · 28/07/2021 04:42

@MySecretHistory

Grin
CatsnCoffee · 28/07/2021 05:58

Considering you came on here for advice, you’re taking a rather odd and hostile attitude to those who want to help but need more clarity and context. Is there more to this than you’re letting on?

PhantomMyOpera · 28/07/2021 06:26

My opinion would change based on the bulkiness and pain in my arse level of the gift.

Example 1. Well meaning present is a kitchen aid mixer. I know I will never use it and could sell it on for a decent sum (although nowhere near RRP) and put that money towards something I desperately want or need......I would probably say to just suck it up and keep the useless thing as it doesn't take up THAT much room and can be easily trotted out and put on display when gift giver comes to make them happy.

  1. Example two. You once mentioned you'd quite like the idea of giving sex on a swing a try and someone has turned your spare bedroom into a sex dungeon complete with a swing from the ceiling. This is massively inconvenient as your DP doesn't know you fancied swing sex and now there's nowhere to keep the kids. You know you could sell the stuff on as you've googled it and there's a niche market.....you would get a good return and could buy something useful.......I would definitely sell the gift in this scenario.

I realise that this is in no way helpful to your dilemma though.

VK456 · 28/07/2021 07:43

Not read entire thread but had read enough to see the range of advice offered.
It has made me realise though, that if ever I’m in the position of being able to buy someone a very expensive gift, I’ll give them the money instead!

Snog · 28/07/2021 08:38

For most annoying thread of the day 🏅 🎖 🥇

Don't even try to get rid of it!

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 28/07/2021 08:50

I don’t know if you have left the thread. You absolutely don’t need to tell anyone what the item is.

If it helps, I think there is a kind of algorithm here. Only you can work out the answer. The questions at the heart of it all is for too to do your own assessment of

(A). The extent of hurt/damage to your relationship that will be caused if you sell the item

(B). How much you need the money.

And see how those 2 factors play out.
Some things that might influence your analysis of these 2 crucial issues are how personal was the item gifted, how “invested” in the gift is the giver, how easy is the gifted item to store away given it’s not presently in use, whether you will lose a lot of the original purchase price on second hand sale (this is quite important as the giver is likely to be annoyed as well as hurt if you only get back half what they paid) and I suppose perhaps most crucially of all, how much do you need the money (is it the case that you can’t pay your rent without it or would the sale proceeds go towards an alternative luxury item).

If your analysis is that your relationship with the giver would be damaged by you selling it (which I get a sense of here) and the sale proceeds are to fund an alternative luxury item then, unless you don’t care about the relationship, I think you would be unreasonable to sell it. But your analysis might lead you to a different view. In principle it is not unreasonable to sell a gift. But so much turns on the facts.