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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to sell a gift

308 replies

Lastsundayinjuly · 25/07/2021 20:10

I was bought an expensive present a few months ago, worth over a thousand pounds.

I don’t use it and won’t have many opportunities to.

I want to sell it but the person who gave it to me is clearly against this.

Is this horribly ungrateful of me or makes sense? (I could really, really use the money.)

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 26/07/2021 09:49

I'm curious to find out who gave you the gift who would be put out by its absence? Was it your DP/DH who you might live with and the 55" surround sound widescreen tv would be clearly missed or a piano that you have no plans to learn how to play but would gather dust or was it your parents who bought you a car and it would be missed off the driveway? Or was it a really generous friend who got you something that you mentioned once "Oh, I'd love to get one of those" and then got you it and wants to see it out every single time they visit?
It does matter who got the gift for you and it kind of does matter what the gift is as it could be hidden under some blankets if it was small enough or put away for safe keeping (and never to be seen again) or perhaps not.

Sciurus83 · 26/07/2021 09:50

So what it's like a piece of equipment for a hobby you don't do but had talked about maybe doing one day but haven't for practical reasons? Something like that?

Sciurus83 · 26/07/2021 09:52

Getting a gift you don't really want is always a bit disappointing anyway, especially if it was expensive. We get around this with ideas lists for each other

HaveringWavering · 26/07/2021 09:54

It was her DP who bought it, she’s answered that now @LookItsMeAgain.

oblada · 26/07/2021 09:57

Such a weird thread..of course what it is matters. We all agree that gifted items are normally for the recipient to do as they wish but it can be bad taste to sell. That's pretty obvious. For more specific advice on how to handle this scenario then it would help to know what it is. and we're all on Mumsnet because we're nosey. Again pretty obvious :)

Sciurus83 · 26/07/2021 09:59

SUCH a weird thread....

poorbuthappy · 26/07/2021 10:03

It's a hard conversation to have and people don't tend to take kindly to it.

But for this amount of money I would have to push it. DH is quite ahem frugal so would not dream of spending that amount of money on something which may not be bang on.

ClaryFairchild · 26/07/2021 10:11

So it was your DP who bought you the gift? I think it would depend on the thought process behind it for me. If it was something about me that he didn't like and was always trying to change and this present was a way of trying to steer me to that change I'd sell it in a heartbeat and call him a selfish sod at the same time for having. The audacity to force me to be someone I'm not.

I'd it's a spoil present that you will get occasional use out of, but feel a bit guilty having because there are so many other worthwhile things you could be spending the money on then I would suck it up and keep it, the intentions were nice.

If he wasted a shot tonne of money when we were on a really strict budget then that would piss me right off and I would sell it and spend the money on what would be a spoil for me that I would otherwise be unable to afford.

So in a way it does matter WHAT it is because that gives an idea of the reasoning behind the giving of the gift, IYSWIM?

LookItsMeAgain · 26/07/2021 10:13

@HaveringWavering

It was her DP who bought it, she’s answered that now *@LookItsMeAgain*.
Sorry - I missed that post as I was trying to speed read through all of the posts.

Thanks for the update @HaveringWavering

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 26/07/2021 10:15

I was bought a very expensive gift by an old friend for a special birthday - it was something I didn't want and it was just sitting gathering dust. I sold it and used the money to buy something I really did want. So in my mind my friend bought me that!

It's slightly different for me as my friend is unlikely to ever find out but if I were you I would sell the gift if you need the ££. If the value of the item is going to go down I'd also recommend selling it sooner rather than later!

Deep breath and just say you appreciate the thought but you just can't justify that amount of money being spent on you right now and need to sell... good luck OP.

Daisyhoney · 26/07/2021 10:16

You're calling people on here spoilt little children - pot and kettle comes to mind.
I've never read a more annoying childish thread ( I've got a secret but I'm not going to tell you ).
How old are you - 5 ?

Notjustanymum · 26/07/2021 13:24

OP, you have guilty feelings now (because you won’t use the gift) but I think you’d have a lot more if you sold it, plus a falling out with the giver. You’re stuck between a rock and a hard place on this one, I’m afraid...
If I were in your position, and my OH had bought me a stationary exercise bike, for example, I would be pleading that I have no room for it, and asking if they could swap it for something I really need, like x, y or z at least... (important to specify what you would prefer)

iamdashi · 26/07/2021 13:54

Oh gosh this thread/OP is so annoying. It's almost as bad as that ridiculous Boswell thread.

Maray1967 · 26/07/2021 14:10

Why is the thread annoying? I find it interesting- a moral dilemma.
What would I do? Hopefully I’d have a gentle but honest conversation about how lovely it was that he treated me etc but it wound be better to hold off for a year ( or whatever) until finances are better. You’d much rather have x or y.

Chamomileteaplease · 26/07/2021 14:18

To answer your question:

I don't believe it makes you ungrateful, just realistic.

In a way, the dilemma is easy - you do not have a use for this item. It is not useful or wanted.

Selling it and getting £1k is a bonus in a way, a separate issue.

Sell it and don't let the giver piss you off any further!

Merryoldgoat · 26/07/2021 15:47

My aunt bought me Tiffany studs for my 40th birthday. I just would never wear them. They are just not me at all.

I sold them and bought a sewing machine.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/07/2021 15:52

@Maray1967

Why is the thread annoying? I find it interesting- a moral dilemma. What would I do? Hopefully I’d have a gentle but honest conversation about how lovely it was that he treated me etc but it wound be better to hold off for a year ( or whatever) until finances are better. You’d much rather have x or y.
Its not the quandary. It's the "i have an issue, a thibg happened that involved someone and now i have emotions about it. What should i do?" vagueness
RightYesButNo · 26/07/2021 16:12

Oh, FFS. Yes, some people are being children. Yes, in some threads an OP is just being an arsehole not telling you what “something” (husband’s totally normal cycling hobby, anyone?) is, but in this one, OP wants the amount of advice she can have without saying, and that’s fair.

Look, @Lastsundayinjuly, maybe there’s something wrong with me but in this case, I don’t think it matters what the item is. I’m sure you’re smart enough to know you can’t sell a beloved relative’s inherited ring that DP gave you. I only think the DP part matters because it’s different if you risk minor relationship damage to a great aunt you speak to once a year vs. someone you live with and talk to every day. With that said, I would agree with whoever said: I would sell it if it’s kept or increased its value. I think it’s just going to be a hard pill for DP to swallow if whatever they bought, you sell for say, 1/5th the price. Even if it’s £1000, unfortunately.

Probably a painful lesson (sorry, OP) in speaking up immediately when you’re given an expensive but useless gift. Yes, there may be an atmosphere for a bit, but you can work it through together, and you won’t hopefully be stuck with something on the shelf (or wherever) for years, thinking, “I bloody hate that thing but it’s too late now.” I accept that maybe that wasn’t an option at the time though, for whatever reason.

picklemewalnuts · 26/07/2021 16:23

Hmm. So many variables...

If the item was in my way (bulky) and had an excellent resale value, I'd tell the giver that it was such a very generous gift and I'd appreciate him selling it and buying a (insert useful item here) instead as that would be an even better gift.

If it was a small item which keeps its value, I'd stash it away and ignore it for a few years, then suggest selling it when shortage of money comes up.

I have to say I respect your right to decline to specify, but would give different answers for a piano or a diamond bracelet (or different again third item my imagination hasn't supplied).

Batsy · 26/07/2021 17:28

whatever the item is doesn't matter in this context, its a gift from her DP that she won't use.

If its just going to sit, gathering dust as neither use nor ornament, then i would honestly just thank your DP for the thought and love behind it, then sell it and buy something else you will get use from.

My ex hurt my feelings quite badly over a gift i bought him that i genuinely thought he'd like, but he didnt, so we sold it and i gave him the cash instead.

I never quite forgave him for the horrible, ungrateful way he reacted when he opened it, as i'd been quite excited over giving it to him Sad but other stuff i've bought him that he was gracious about, then later admitted he wouldn't use, i had no issue in him selling and buying something else.

So long as you're suitably appreciative, its pointless keeping something worth that much that you're never going to use, and really, your DP needs to get over himself.

HaveringWavering · 26/07/2021 19:20

@Merryoldgoat

My aunt bought me Tiffany studs for my 40th birthday. I just would never wear them. They are just not me at all.

I sold them and bought a sewing machine.

Interesting, I didn't know you could resell pierced earrings. Does the buyer just soak in disinfectant or something?
Katesboy8 · 26/07/2021 19:25

@Lastsundayinjuly

I can assure you I am absolutely not having an existential crisis.

I cannot believe you typed that and then I am the one accused of attention seeking.

@Lastsundayinjuly can you not see that this is just a weird thread? I’m not forcing you to say what it is as it’s clear you won’t… but why won’t you say? Out of fear your DP will read this? Not sure how you can get so upset about people’s opinions when you want advice but are being extremely vague. It is what kids do!
Merryoldgoat · 26/07/2021 19:32

@HaveringWavering

I just sold them on Facebook Marketplace!

I’d never worn them - I just advertised them and didn’t even think about that!

WrongWayApricot · 26/07/2021 20:53

@HaveringWavering someone bought me children's earrings for pierced ears from a charity shop for my birthday... So I assume you can resell them 🤷‍♀️

HaveringWavering · 26/07/2021 21:13

I suppose I was thinking of how shops don’t allow pierced earrings to be returned, they always warn you that at the till. So I kind of thought that by extension nobody would buy pre-worn ones. But if you said specifically yours were never worn @Merryoldgoat then I guess that’s different. @WrongWayApricot were you a child yourself when you received that gift?!