To want to sell a gift

[Lastsundayinjuly]

I was bought an expensive present a few months ago, worth over a thousand pounds.

I don’t use it and won’t have many opportunities to.

I want to sell it but the person who gave it to me is clearly against this.

Is this horribly ungrateful of me or makes sense? (I could really, really use the money.)

Can you ask the person who bought it to return it and give you the money instead? Or some of the money?

@THisbackwithavengeance

It depends.

If someone paid let's say £2,000 for a gift which a couple of months later, you sell for £500 as second hand, then clearly the person who bought the gift has effectively spunked £1500 against the wall which would piss me off if I were the original purchaser.

If you can sell for more or less its original retail price then it's less of an issue.

That's exactly my thoughts. The chances are you'll only get a small percentage of the money back.

I'm thinking it's jewellery or something that's been bought for you to keep. I think you should keep it even if you only wear it occasionally.

Simple answer, sell it, a gift is yours once given etc however of course the reality is different if the giver is likely to take offense.

I'm going to assume this is an important relationship and say, talk to them, explain the gift isn't being used. Explain that you're considering selling it, or would they prefer you return it to them?

Clearly you don't have to do that, but that conversation is the one to have if you want to protect any future relationship. I'm thinking it must be obvious what the gift is if you can't discreetly sell it...

@Lastsundayinjuly

I’m absolutely lost as to how saying what it is would lead to proper advice. If you can explain why this is necessary I will gladly share.

I don’t believe I did hint that I wanted it. Misguided generosity I think.

I'm just interested !!!

It is never necessary to specify the name, the job, the item. Some people here are just very and persistently nosy. Or else so dumb they can't deal with something in the abstract.

@Lastsundayinjuly

If you didn't give birth to the Messiah did you give birth to a very naughty boy?

Just tell them a gift comes with ribbons attached not strings

Also to add - you're not unreasonable to want to sell it - but you're in tricky etiquette waters so navigate carefully!

On the plus side if you offer to return it and the giver prefers that to you selling, you've technically lost zero money, but gained the space back, and the irritation factor of having something jn your house you dislike!

I’m with you OP because I’m in the same boat.

Christmas gift cost £400, something that I DID want but have found I’m absolutely rubbish with it and it’s now sat gathering dust while I dream of what to spend the money on, it holds its money well so I told DH unless I suddenly become obsessed I’ll be selling it by the end of august.

If it’s a ‘usable’ item, could do you the same? Say if it’s not used by X date you’re selling it as clearly it won’t be used.

(Please tell me what it is, I’m nosey and like spending money on pointless shit so I hit buy it off you…) 😂

In theory I believe a gift is just that, and it should be up to the person receiving the gift to decide if they want to keep it or not. However, it depends on how it might affect your relationship with them. I would ask why would they give you a gift if there are conditions on how you use it. That’s not a gift in my eyes

You say it's a massive PITA, which makes me think it's bulky (furniture/piano/coach built pram).

I think I might move it to a spare room for a bit, then move it on.

It doesn’t matter what it is.

What matters is whether the relationship with the person who gave it is more valuable than the thing they gave.

Great Aunt Beryl who you never see because she lives abroad and you can’t stand anyway ? Sell it.

Your husband who tried his best to think of something you’d love but got it wrong and would be really hurt if you sold it? Keep it.

For me, a gift is a gift and the recipient has a right to do what they want with it. If it's not used or they don't like it, then I'd much prefer they sold it.

Of course it's difficult if you've bought someone an expensive gift and you don't feel they appreciate it. I think the only way round it is to explain what you want to do with the money and why you would appreciate it much more.

Reading this, I'm quite grateful now that I can sneak gifts I don't like into a charity shop and hope the donor doesn't notice.

How long have you had it?

I'm a nosey git but honestly I also believe it would be easier to answer your op if we knew what it was.

For example

MacBook - impersonal gift, resale value will still be high. Sell it.

Treadmill - is he calling you fat? Ltb and sell it

Limited edition Charles Dickens - keep it and watch the value appreciate

The OP said it was from her DP.

It doesn’t matter what it is.

it does a bit.

If it's a £1000 bicycle, you can sell it well, buy a cheaper version and have some cash left.

Could you sell it and get the same thing cheaper? Second hand or a cheaper model? If you both need the money, or your DP is aware of your need for the money they should surely understand.

If it's from your DP then surely you can have an adult conversation about you being touched that he thought you would like this thing, but it's just really not you and could we sell it on and he can have his money back to buy something more appropriate.

That to me is a kind and thoughtful way of approaching it.

But since you want to offload it to get the cash yourself, not the most ideal solution for you...

Do you like the thing? I do think that makes a difference. If it’s a £1000 bike that is amazing, but honestly you could do with the cash, then either sell it and replace when you are feeling flush, or hang on to it and be glad you have a great bike to use when you have time, and try and forget about the cost.

On the other hand, if it’s a £1000 bike and you prefer walking and will never take up cycling as a hobby, then tell him that and sell it.

Oh its your DP...hmmm tricky

It kinda makes a bit of a difference what it is really - first edition print of your favorite book that he spent 6 years finding, imported by plane/ train yada yada, you get the idea - he's going to be pissed.
A large coffee machine that he thought you'd love and was on offer in John Lewis - nah not so much - sorry DP I don't want my own bean grinder, need to sell.
So don't need to know item exactly but .. does sentimental factor apply or not?

I was bought an Apple Watch that I wouldn't use so gave it back to DP and they got a refund and kept the money

The end

Definitely an electric bike. I think you’re my mum, as my dad gifted the same pointless thing at Christmas. She actually fell off it & cracked her head & has ridden it twice in total (realllyyy expensive one too, she’s just quit her job so is short on cash).

Wait, are you my mum?

Just tell them a gift comes with ribbons attached not strings

Amazing

DP knows you don't want it now. Probably already thinks you're ungrateful. Kicking himself quietly that he bought you such an expensive gift that you don't want/need but he thought you'd like it. He'll be hurt, of course but it's unintentional and as you didn't ask for this it would be unfair for him not to respect your honesty.

Just be kind about it and it should be ok. 'Look DP, I do appreciate the gift. I know it costs a lot but it's really not being used. It's gathering dust, taking up space and we could Gumtree(?) it and put the money towards xyz'

It's your DH that bought it. I definitely think you need to discuss with him. I think it would be rude not to. Could he return it?

Are you sure it's not something that you'd use?

Yea surely if it's your dp you can say you appreciate the thought but it won't be used. Surely he will see that over time anyway. May as well sell whilst it's at say 90% of value.

Heck even if it's an engagement ring you don't like you could say that. If you can't be honest with your dp then what's the point of being with them?