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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Men in lingerie shops

805 replies

Woolywolf · 25/07/2021 10:38

I went to bravissimo yesterday with my 15 year old daughter. The fitting rooms are downstairs and there are some sofas where you wait for your fitting. There were 3 men sat on the sofas (husbands/partners waiting for their wives/girlfriends I think). One of them has 2 kids with him. So the women waiting to use the fitting rooms were standing in a queue next to these men.

This was the first time my daughter had been to a bra fitting at this store and I could tell she was feeling uncomfortable telling her size to the staff and holding a handful of bras in front of these men. I may have been being paranoid but I think I caught one of the men looking a bit too hard at what all the women in the queue were trying on, but otherwise they just seemed like normal/harmless dads.

But am I being unreasonable thinking it was a bit inappropriate for men/kids to be waiting outside lingerie changing rooms. If my husband had been there, he probably would have taken himself off to a different shop while we went to a bra shop as he obviously wouldn’t need to be there. If we had younger kids with us, I’d ask him to take them someplace more interesting instead of having them waiting/taking up seats in an underwear shop asking loud questions about bras as one of the kids was.

I know there’s no shame in shopping for bras/it shouldn’t be embarrassing it just seems a bit unnecessary for men to be there. I don’t know if I would have noticed/cared if my teen hadn’t been with me, who was already a bit nervous about having a bra fitting.

OP posts:

Beowulf1976 · 28/07/2021 21:42

Ok, so…

In some cultures, the women only wear their version of thongs, like the men. Their breasts are always on show. Not once have I seen a documentary where the cameraman has caught a man eyeing up a woman’s baby feeders and been interested to the point of having literally a point in his thong?

It is “Western Culture” (not literally ‘Western’) that made Lady Baby Feeders anything but Baby Feeders.

Why do you think we are different? Because from a very young age we are taught to cover up, that to have naked bits or remotely uncovered bits is wrong?

Facebook itself even censors the chest area of a woman that has had her Baby Feeders removed due to health!

justasking111 · 28/07/2021 21:50

I'm waiting for someone to suggest covering table legs. The Victorians have a lot to answer for 🙈

kowari · 28/07/2021 21:51

@Beowulf1976
As far as I know, we are the only species with permanent breasts. I think that suggests that they are not only for feeding our young.

Beowulf1976 · 28/07/2021 21:56

[quote kowari]**@Beowulf1976
As far as I know, we are the only species with permanent breasts. I think that suggests that they are not only for feeding our young.[/quote]
So you are insinuating that they are for sexual reasons? Am I right?

“We were brainstorming features that distinguish our species, Homo sapiens, from other primates. That list includes human peculiarities like big brains, upright walking, language, furless bodies … and permanently enlarged breasts after puberty.”

Now argue that again. 😂

Beowulf1976 · 28/07/2021 21:59

PS. But even with your argument that no other species has them.

Explain why other cultures don’t see them as things to be fapped over? (Sometimes quite literally)

kowari · 28/07/2021 22:02

@Beowulf1976
I'd say they are a signifier of fertility or sexual maturity. I don't know. Why do you think we have them all the time if they are just for breastfeeding? I find them a nuisance myself.

NiceGerbil · 28/07/2021 22:09

Kowari are you heading down the route of that bloke on the telly who said women have breasts all the time because they look like arses and men like that...!

MakeMathsFun · 28/07/2021 22:10

I agree with @Beowulf1976 too - if we don’t make a big deal of this, neither will others, or our daughters.

NiceGerbil · 28/07/2021 22:10

Tell you what if you can get men here to stop fetishising etc girls and women's breasts then and only then maybe developing girls will not be embarrassed about them.

Deal?

NiceGerbil · 28/07/2021 22:11

It's not women who 'make s big deal' out of breasts fgs.

Have you never met men?!

Beowulf1976 · 28/07/2021 22:11

[quote kowari]**@Beowulf1976
I'd say they are a signifier of fertility or sexual maturity. I don't know. Why do you think we have them all the time if they are just for breastfeeding? I find them a nuisance myself.[/quote]
I perhaps chose wrongly in calling them baby feeders, I hadn’t pondered why no other species keeps them, as I’ve never seen any other species close up enough to notice.

My point is now totally screwed by you picking up on me supposedly thinking they’re merely baby feeders.

I was being polite…

I’m the Queen of Prude, so if I can name a body part differently to what it is, I’m doolally happy.

I’m 45 years old and whilst my downstairs would probably more closely resemble a dried out dilapidated squid, I still call it my “fairy”.

(which has my fiancé almost dying from oxygen starvation, from laughing so hard, when he has to clean it for me, and he recalls that I must think it is sweet, tiny, pretty, innocent, like a fairy)

My point still remains, that other cultures don’t perve over them, even if they are there always, for sexual pleasure for both parties.

Beowulf1976 · 28/07/2021 22:13

PS. I wish I’d added this before hitting “post message”, I am severely disabled which is why he has to clean me, we’re not into anything untoward. 🤪🤣

NiceGerbil · 28/07/2021 22:18

Like I say.

It's not the fault of girls and women being self conscious / ambivalent / disliking their breasts

When in our culture

Loads of men see any sign of boob meaning the girl is now a sex object for leering, staring, commenting etc irrespective of age.

That very large breasts are a long time magnet for 'jokes', comments, grabbing in the pub etc

Etc etc.

It's a reaction to the societal view that (and often true) men are pretty obsessed with boobs.

If and when they stop it then we can have some change.

Beowulf1976 · 28/07/2021 22:20

@NiceGerbil

It's not women who 'make s big deal' out of breasts fgs.

Have you never met men?!

I didn’t say women were making a great deal out of it.

I suggested that assuming the men on the sofa are there to letch over women and especially teen girls, is actually sexualising the innocence of a teenage girl needing a bra.

Beowulf1976 · 28/07/2021 22:21

@NiceGerbil

Like I say.

It's not the fault of girls and women being self conscious / ambivalent / disliking their breasts

When in our culture

Loads of men see any sign of boob meaning the girl is now a sex object for leering, staring, commenting etc irrespective of age.

That very large breasts are a long time magnet for 'jokes', comments, grabbing in the pub etc

Etc etc.

It's a reaction to the societal view that (and often true) men are pretty obsessed with boobs.

If and when they stop it then we can have some change.

But lesbians can still letch, because they’re not men? Right?

NiceGerbil · 28/07/2021 22:41

Beowulf that's not what the OP said at all!

Having said that.
You're not aware that loads of men fancy girls that age?
Maybe you don't remember Sam fox. The countdown to 16 for a female actor (can't remember who).
Poor old Mandy Smith.
Old male stars shagging underage 'groupies'.
Certainly girls in many countries are deemed marriageable when they hit puberty. Maybe some of the countries you have used as examples of breasts not being seen sexually..
In the USA child marriage still happens.
Underage girls being sexually exploited all over the place...

But it's WOMEN who are sexualising girls. Right-ho.

And yes lesbians are women. Why you think that means they would behave like lecherous men is beyond me.

NiceGerbil · 28/07/2021 22:46

So in summary, I think it's:

Teenage girls are often embarrassed about their developing bodies because women sexualise the girls.

It's wrong to point out that loads of blokes are pretty obsessed with breasts, and the way some stare, leer, comment etc at underage girls, because of lesbians.

And some cultures don't sexualise breasts so UK women and girls should stop seeing breasts as something that draws unwanted attention from.. not allowed to say who... Because those women and girls are... They should pretend that's not what happens here. Or something. Oh, and lesbians.

I understand where you're coming from I think.

justasking111 · 28/07/2021 22:56

[quote kowari]**@Beowulf1976
As far as I know, we are the only species with permanent breasts. I think that suggests that they are not only for feeding our young.[/quote]
We also come into season every 28 days

NiceGerbil · 28/07/2021 23:01

Into season?

Jesus.

Beowulf1976 · 28/07/2021 23:01

@justasking111

“ We also come into season every 28 days”

As do many mammals, well, they have seasons, (not sure on cycle timeline as I’ve not looked) or where they’re “on heat” etc… not sure on your point?

Beowulf1976 · 28/07/2021 23:03

@NiceGerbil

Beowulf that's not what the OP said at all!

But it's WOMEN who are sexualising girls. Right-ho.

And yes lesbians are women. Why you think that means they would behave like lecherous men is beyond me.

I was directly referring to what you said.

You said when men behave, then change can happen.

Completely dismissing anyone else who also have a thing about breasts… wait, if they’re a woman it isn’t the same? Why not?

NiceGerbil · 28/07/2021 23:05

Some of the posts on here have very unusual perspectives.

It's certainly an interesting read.

NiceGerbil · 28/07/2021 23:07

[quote Beowulf1976]@justasking111

“ We also come into season every 28 days”

As do many mammals, well, they have seasons, (not sure on cycle timeline as I’ve not looked) or where they’re “on heat” etc… not sure on your point?[/quote]
I'm sure you're not Beowulf.

Certainly the marriage as soon as puberty makes sense then. Those girls come into season and are certainly capable of being bred.

Like I say. Unusual perspectives.

NiceGerbil · 28/07/2021 23:08

'Completely dismissing anyone else who also have a thing about breasts… wait, if they’re a woman it isn’t the same? Why not?'

I think you could have a think and maybe a read etc and draw a conclusion yourself?

Beowulf1976 · 28/07/2021 23:09

@NiceGerbil

Beowulf that's not what the OP said at all!

But it's WOMEN who are sexualising girls. Right-ho.

And yes lesbians are women. Why you think that means they would behave like lecherous men is beyond me.

Your deductive skills are hilarious.

I was referring to the CULTURE of tribes in Africa, not wherever you think I mean.

So because I’m saying that some CULTURES (I didn’t say Countries!) don’t see them sexually, I’m wrong, because they have sex and get married to children? Can you pretty please tell my brain damaged mind how the fudge you decided that?

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