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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want partner to have a family picture with his ex

333 replies

jojobaoil · 24/07/2021 21:29

Partner has been split up from his ex for 3 years. They have a child together. I've been with him a year.

He has a picture of the three of them when their child was just born, in a cabinet in his front room. He's had the image there for ages - since I've been with him but there was a piece of card in a heart shape covering her up. Today I saw it had slipped down and I could see her face and I said to him semi light hearted that he needs to get rid and why does he still have a picture with her there. He immediately got up and said he will sort it and folded back the bit with her on it. I was happy at the time.....but now I'm thinking about it, why not remove the picture or rip the part with her on it off...? I might be being unreasonable but they were together for 8 years and I don't understand why he would still want that picture around whether or not she is the mother of his child. They are amicable, not over friendly and I don't think he would go back there but I don't get it. I've thrown out every pic of my child's dad - they sees their dad weekly so won't forget what he looks like!

AIBU for wanting him to get rid? Or am I being silly...

OP posts:
KurtWilde · 24/07/2021 22:22

@cadburyegg

Oh grow up.

Single mum here and we still have some family photos here of when ex and I were still together. It’s for my children, not me. And they appreciate it too.

Same here.

OP it's his home not yours, his past, his child. How he decides to document that is none of your business.

Grapewrath · 24/07/2021 22:23

It’s important for children to see photos of their family unit through the years. Somebody those for your dp child will be a time from their parents were together.
The issue here is not the photo

toocold54 · 24/07/2021 22:23

YABVU he loved her and it was a special moment in his life. Just because you break up with someone doesn’t mean you should erase them from your life. It’s also lovely for his child to see a family photo of the 3 of them up in the home you both share.

Ohanaa · 24/07/2021 22:25

[quote PrettyBlunt]@Ohanaa it is spiteful to want to rip the picture... just put it away. No need to rip her out. [/quote]
Just bin it instead. That would be easier.

kitkatsky · 24/07/2021 22:25

Oh my god. Please finish with this man before your sense of privilege affects his child? It's his house, you've been together not that long in the grand scheme of things and youre jealous of the ex. Ffs

PrettyBlunt · 24/07/2021 22:27

@Ohanaa WHY WOULD YOU?!

They may not have a copy. That's the child's life ffs. That's a treasured memory.

You're actually deluded and I'm wondering you, OP and LorryM are the same person!

Howcanthisbe123 · 24/07/2021 22:27

The op is obviously creating new accounts posting to support her craziness!! 😂

No one ever in real life would suggest a newborn photo be thrown in the bin 😂

You are SOOOO jealous!

daisypond · 24/07/2021 22:27

@wanttomarryamillionaire

I think it's weird to still display pictures of an ex. They should be kept but in an album or a box somewhere.
He didn’t display any pictures of the ex. The ex is covered up.
espressoontap · 24/07/2021 22:28

The picture is from the moment his child was born. Probably one of the happiest days of his life. Him and his ex were happy in the picture - why would he want to destroy that memory? It's in the past but the picture reminds him of the happiness of his flesh and blood coming into the world. Why would you want him to Falange the picture?

KurtWilde · 24/07/2021 22:28

Has OP created 2 extra usernames to agree with herself? Hmm

Ohanaa · 24/07/2021 22:29

[quote PrettyBlunt]@Ohanaa WHY WOULD YOU?!

They may not have a copy. That's the child's life ffs. That's a treasured memory.

You're actually deluded and I'm wondering you, OP and LorryM are the same person![/quote]
It’s just a picture.

A picture with someone who is no longer in your life so it’s not needed.

I’m not sentimental.

Sittingonabench · 24/07/2021 22:29

I can see it is hard but your idea that the past is in the past and irrelevant simply isn’t true. The good and bad of the past make us who we are. If you love him you embrace all of it and that includes the memories good and bad he has of his life with his ex. Give it some time and you will grow more confident in your relationship with him and eventually you may even be grateful to her for the role she’s played in making him the person he is (probably more grateful than him). That’s how I feel anyway with my DH and his ex.

Maggiesfarm · 24/07/2021 22:29

@ComDummings

I can see why it bothers you but I think it’s quite nice for their child to see a picture of their mum and dad together. It’s not something that would bother me personally. It’s not like it’s a massive canvas over the fireplace or a shrine to her or something.
That's what I think. She is the mother of his child and always will be. They have a shared history and cannot be airbrushed out.

Just accept it. Who knows, one day you may be his ex and the mother of his child.

SimonJT · 24/07/2021 22:29

@KurtWilde

Has OP created 2 extra usernames to agree with herself? Hmm
I think so
Ohanaa · 24/07/2021 22:29

@daisypond - it’s still odd as hell.

PrettyBlunt · 24/07/2021 22:30

@Ohanaa I gathered that... not even wanting to take your SC to Dinseyworld. You're just as deluded as the OP and bitter.

LorryM · 24/07/2021 22:30

Not sure who the other pp are but I stand by it. No need to have pictures of the ex in a communal space when you have decided to enter into a new relationship. If the picture is there for the child’s sake then it can go in their room.

SeaShoreGalore · 24/07/2021 22:30

Maybe you could cut your face out of a photo, and stick it over hers?

DeRigueurMortis · 24/07/2021 22:30

OP you're being unreasonable.

I have pictures of my DH's ex in my home.

Why? Because they are in DSD's bedroom and she likes having pictures of all her family there (including ones of me also).

My PIL have pictures in their home with DH/Ex and DSD. They also have lots with me/DH/DSD/DS.

I'm fine with that.

You can't re-write history and I don't want to.

I actually think it's damaging to children to try and erase the past and I include covering up a face/tearing off a bit of a picture in that.

Truth is it's only an issue if you're not secure in your relationship and that's an issue for you to resolve not your partner or his kids.

Ohanaa · 24/07/2021 22:31

@KurtWilde - I’m
Pretty sure it’s against mn rules to do that.

I just don’t agree with others. Different opinions are allowed and still valid even if you don’t agree.

PyongyangKipperbang · 24/07/2021 22:31

we first started dating I got a message on FB from someone he was seeing but not in a relationship with, warning me off him, that he's still into his ex. I never got that vibe from him but now I think that he still has that photo among all the other photos of his loved ones...I guess I do feel insecure.

So screwing around with a "psycho ex" when he was seeing you, who said he was still into his other "psycho ex"? Get rid. Or as you sound like that kind of GF, stay with him and be the next "psycho ex"...whatever.

Maggiesfarm · 24/07/2021 22:32

The op and boyfriend don't live together - I think.

JustLyra · 24/07/2021 22:33

@LorryM

Not sure who the other pp are but I stand by it. No need to have pictures of the ex in a communal space when you have decided to enter into a new relationship. If the picture is there for the child’s sake then it can go in their room.
The ex is covered up.

It's a picture of him with his newborn child.

Ohanaa · 24/07/2021 22:33

[quote PrettyBlunt]@Ohanaa I gathered that... not even wanting to take your SC to Dinseyworld. You're just as deluded as the OP and bitter.[/quote]
What’s that thread got to do with this? Besides… she was offered. Her mum said no. End off.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 24/07/2021 22:33

So one picture, which he’d covered up in his house. Honestly.