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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want partner to have a family picture with his ex

333 replies

jojobaoil · 24/07/2021 21:29

Partner has been split up from his ex for 3 years. They have a child together. I've been with him a year.

He has a picture of the three of them when their child was just born, in a cabinet in his front room. He's had the image there for ages - since I've been with him but there was a piece of card in a heart shape covering her up. Today I saw it had slipped down and I could see her face and I said to him semi light hearted that he needs to get rid and why does he still have a picture with her there. He immediately got up and said he will sort it and folded back the bit with her on it. I was happy at the time.....but now I'm thinking about it, why not remove the picture or rip the part with her on it off...? I might be being unreasonable but they were together for 8 years and I don't understand why he would still want that picture around whether or not she is the mother of his child. They are amicable, not over friendly and I don't think he would go back there but I don't get it. I've thrown out every pic of my child's dad - they sees their dad weekly so won't forget what he looks like!

AIBU for wanting him to get rid? Or am I being silly...

OP posts:
Pingued · 24/07/2021 22:02

I don't think you can handle his past. Sorry.

sparklingbrooke · 24/07/2021 22:02

I don't think you're being unreasonable OP. I'd hate to have a DH ex's face staring at me every day. I'd also hate to have one of my Ex's face staring at me everyday and for DH to have to look at. Luckily neither of us would do that or like it.

bloodywhitecat · 24/07/2021 22:02

My husband had a family photo on the wall that has his ex wife in it, they also speak regularly via text/WhatsApp. I have a family photo on the wall that my ex is in too, neither DH or I feel remotely threatened by those photos. Why would we? The exes are ex for a reason. YABU.

shouldistop · 24/07/2021 22:03

You're being ridiculous and your poor kid not having any photos of them with their dad when they were wee.

^ this

I'd have been heartbroken if my mum had thrown out our family photos when my parents divorced.

You sound very immature.

Pingued · 24/07/2021 22:04

@sparklingbrooke

I don't think you're being unreasonable OP. I'd hate to have a DH ex's face staring at me every day. I'd also hate to have one of my Ex's face staring at me everyday and for DH to have to look at. Luckily neither of us would do that or like it.
It's not though, OP said it's usually hidden.
Howcanthisbe123 · 24/07/2021 22:04

You must not be thinking straight or something, how is it disrespectful? In what way do you mean?

That he had a relationship before you? That he has a kid with someone else?
Everyone has a life and a past and photos of things of that past. Having a child is a big life change and one that’s normally happily received, so why would a photo of that moment be disrespectful? Of course she is in the photo, she just gave birth, how would she not be in the photo! 😂

If he had a A1 size photo on the kitchen wall of her naked I could see your point, but a memory photo is just a moment of the past.

sparklingbrooke · 24/07/2021 22:04

@jojobaoil

Ok I get it I'm the crazy partner lol. I think I'm probably skewed because my ex is awful and the thought of having an image of him in my house is absurd - plus I'd think disrespectful to my current partner - apparently not tho!
You're allowed to not like it OP. Plenty of people wouldn't like it either so you're not alone.
PrettyBlunt · 24/07/2021 22:05

This is actually really quite sad.

I can't believe you want him to rip her out of the picture. That's incredibly mean.

Why would you get rid of every picture of your ex who you have a child with. I'm assuming pictures of your child's father and your child. This is horrible. You could've at least put them in a safe place for your child to have.

I think you're incredibly immature and maybe being with someone who has a child with someone else isn't for you.

Stop being so spiteful.

Ohanaa · 24/07/2021 22:05

I wouldn’t be happy with it either. It’s not needed. He can replace it with one of him and his child.

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/07/2021 22:05

Does he not have any photos of you? Is that the problem?

Ohanaa · 24/07/2021 22:06

@PrettyBlunt

This is actually really quite sad.

I can't believe you want him to rip her out of the picture. That's incredibly mean.

Why would you get rid of every picture of your ex who you have a child with. I'm assuming pictures of your child's father and your child. This is horrible. You could've at least put them in a safe place for your child to have.

I think you're incredibly immature and maybe being with someone who has a child with someone else isn't for you.

Stop being so spiteful.

It’s not spiteful. There not together.

He should of got rid a long time ago.

Pingued · 24/07/2021 22:07

@Ohanaa

I wouldn’t be happy with it either. It’s not needed. He can replace it with one of him and his child.
It's a picture of one of the happiest days of his life. His baby had just been born. Why should he hide it away? He had already come to a good compromise by covering the mum with a heart.
SimonJT · 24/07/2021 22:07

If a photo is enough to make you feel that insecure are you really emotionally ready for a relationship, or would you benefit from some outside help?

I have photos of an ex in my house, hes a friend, marrying my husband didn’t mean I had to drop my friends or hide their existence, having photos also doesn’t in anyway dimish someones love for a partner.

PrettyBlunt · 24/07/2021 22:07

@Ohanaa it is spiteful to want to rip the picture... just put it away. No need to rip her out.

daisypond · 24/07/2021 22:08

YABU. The photo isn’t emblazoned in a wall, it is in a cabinet. You can’t pretend that the mother of his child doesn’t exist and airbrush her out of his child’s history.

LorryM · 24/07/2021 22:09

I’d throw it in the bin

SimonJT · 24/07/2021 22:09

@LorryM

I’d throw it in the bin
Hopefully you would then be swiftly dumped.
AnneLovesGilbert · 24/07/2021 22:10

@LorryM

I’d throw it in the bin
She doesn’t live there. It’s not her property.
LorryM · 24/07/2021 22:10

Probably not. It’s a photo of the ex, doubt anyone would miss it.

PrettyBlunt · 24/07/2021 22:12

@LorryM

I’d throw it in the bin
Why would you throw something in the bin that isn't yours? Also why would you do that to the child.

Not all pictures are recoverable. I'd hope they put you in the bin.

SimonJT · 24/07/2021 22:12

@LorryM

Probably not. It’s a photo of the ex, doubt anyone would miss it.
Ah yes, because children aren’t allowed photos with their parents after their parents relationship had ended, silly me, thinking the welfare of children was important.
bloodywhitecat · 24/07/2021 22:12

@LorryM

Probably not. It’s a photo of the ex, doubt anyone would miss it.
His child might miss it.
Mintjulia · 24/07/2021 22:12

Insecure is putting it mildly. I think you really need to take a close look at yourself.

LorryM · 24/07/2021 22:13

Put it in their room then.

NotYourNachos · 24/07/2021 22:13

So when you put pictures of the two of you up what does he say?

A picture of his ex with his baby is hardly clinging onto his past