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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want partner to have a family picture with his ex

333 replies

jojobaoil · 24/07/2021 21:29

Partner has been split up from his ex for 3 years. They have a child together. I've been with him a year.

He has a picture of the three of them when their child was just born, in a cabinet in his front room. He's had the image there for ages - since I've been with him but there was a piece of card in a heart shape covering her up. Today I saw it had slipped down and I could see her face and I said to him semi light hearted that he needs to get rid and why does he still have a picture with her there. He immediately got up and said he will sort it and folded back the bit with her on it. I was happy at the time.....but now I'm thinking about it, why not remove the picture or rip the part with her on it off...? I might be being unreasonable but they were together for 8 years and I don't understand why he would still want that picture around whether or not she is the mother of his child. They are amicable, not over friendly and I don't think he would go back there but I don't get it. I've thrown out every pic of my child's dad - they sees their dad weekly so won't forget what he looks like!

AIBU for wanting him to get rid? Or am I being silly...

OP posts:
CassandraTrotter · 24/07/2021 22:13

I can't help how I feel
But you can help what you say and how you act. So dont say you want the child’s mother ripped out of the photo and dont act controlling.

If you do bot feel valued in the relationship, this is probably not the relationship for you.

saraclara · 24/07/2021 22:13

He had a life before you. Destroying that photo doesn't make it go away.

I'm absolutely appalled that you burned the visual record of your child's past. It doesn't matter how much you hate your ex. He's your child's father.
My DD's are in their 30s. They love to look back at photos of when they were small. There's a security in looking through old photos...in knowing who you are and were, and how your life was then.
I think you've been stunningly selfish.

wallpapering · 24/07/2021 22:14

The ex will always be child’s mother even if she was dead, she was always be child’s mother.

You are like this already, he had covered it up and still. Do him and especially his child and find someone without kids.

I hope you don’t get to see the child because when kids around other parent they tend to causally mention each other in random conversation. You won’t be able to stop it only try stop him seeing his kid to feed your insecurities.

No matter what you do or say his child will always be there who’s mum is his ex.

SimonJT · 24/07/2021 22:14

@LorryM

Put it in their room then.
Or you could act like a grown up?
valnevavaxx · 24/07/2021 22:15

Echo PP’s posts that you need to grow up- she’s the mother of his child, you can’t just pretend she doesn’t exist anymore. If you can’t handle the idea that he’s had a past then I’d suggest getting together with someone who had a child with someone else wasnt the best idea.

Chloemol · 24/07/2021 22:15

Time to grow up. He has a child, why shouldn’t he have a picture of the child with both parents

He split two years before meeting you

I see no issues

Antwerpen · 24/07/2021 22:15

@NavigationCentral

You want him to rip out the face of the mother of his child from a picture.

Please just think.

Just fucking think.

If you have a child with him, and you guys get a newborn family pic, then you split up - would you want him to resent you enough to rip your face off the pic?

What the actual fuck is wrong with people.

This

You sound bonkers OP Hmm

LorryM · 24/07/2021 22:16

Why would I want to see me partners ex around the house every time I was there? Straight in the bin

millymollymoomoo · 24/07/2021 22:16

I wouldn’t particularly like any photos of dh ex on display in my living g room or hall etc but don’t see why the child can’t have pictures in their room . Seems appropriate place

PrettyBlunt · 24/07/2021 22:17

@LorryM

Why would I want to see me partners ex around the house every time I was there? Straight in the bin
You act like it's a picture of just them 🤣. Their son had just been born it's a treasured memory.

Stop being so insecure.

VodselForDinner · 24/07/2021 22:17

Stop being the crazy girlfriend.

Imagine if your children went to visit their dad and he had a photo of display with your head ripped off. Nuts you’d even consider that as reasonable.

LorryM · 24/07/2021 22:17

I’m not insecure, just don’t care to see my ex’s face.

SimonJT · 24/07/2021 22:18

@millymollymoomoo

I wouldn’t particularly like any photos of dh ex on display in my living g room or hall etc but don’t see why the child can’t have pictures in their room . Seems appropriate place
So you think you should get to decide what happens in the home of someone you don’t even live with? If my husband had pulled that sort of shit when we were dating I would have ended it, jealousy and control are both extremely ugly character traits.
LorryM · 24/07/2021 22:18

Dp’s ex

pollylocketpickedapocket · 24/07/2021 22:18

@TheSunShinesBrighter

He should put it away in a box/ cupboard so that he can give it to his child when their older. No way should it be on display if he has anew partner even if he and his ex are amicable.
Get a grip, you sound as looney as the dickhead that posted this.
stclair · 24/07/2021 22:19

Similar happened with my db’s new partner after he divorced his wife. Ex-wife was included in a big studio portrait my parents had of the family, prominently displayed on the living room wall. Parents had to take it down as they complained….But, there were no children involved.

Nicknacky · 24/07/2021 22:19

@LorryM Oh yes, you are insecure.

You can’t thow someone else’s property in the bin or demand they remove it.

LorryM · 24/07/2021 22:19

Why?

Hankunamatata · 24/07/2021 22:19

It was a happy time.for him. He is allowed to think of it fondly

SimonJT · 24/07/2021 22:20

@VodselForDinner

Stop being the crazy girlfriend.

Imagine if your children went to visit their dad and he had a photo of display with your head ripped off. Nuts you’d even consider that as reasonable.

Imagine the thread “DS went to stay with his Dad and his new girlfiend had ripped my head of a photo of me and his Dad, AIBU to be furious that she destroyed my sons pictures and exDP let her?”
PrettyBlunt · 24/07/2021 22:20

Some of these replies are making me laugh.

It's as if the photo is going to come alive and she is going to reach out and make love to him again.

JustLyra · 24/07/2021 22:21

@jojobaoil

Ok maybe the rip it off bit is OTT I admit but to me it's like he's clinging on to what they had. He has no pictures of me in his house. I feel like an outsider I guess, how can I compete in a sense with what they had...they have an ok relationship at times but recently had an issue where police were called.

When we first started dating I got a message on FB from someone he was seeing but not in a relationship with, warning me off him, that he's still into his ex. I never got that vibe from him but now I think that he still has that photo among all the other photos of his loved ones...I guess I do feel insecure.

It's a photo of him with his newborn child.

The other person in the photo is folded away or covered up.

You're not mature enough to have a relationship with someone with children if you can't understand why he would want to keep up a photo of him with his newborn child.

SimonJT · 24/07/2021 22:21

@PrettyBlunt

Some of these replies are making me laugh.

It's as if the photo is going to come alive and she is going to reach out and make love to him again.

Even better is LorryM being created to agree with OP!
wanttomarryamillionaire · 24/07/2021 22:22

I think it's weird to still display pictures of an ex. They should be kept but in an album or a box somewhere.

PrettyBlunt · 24/07/2021 22:22

@SimonJT we're on to something here Grin