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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want partner to have a family picture with his ex

333 replies

jojobaoil · 24/07/2021 21:29

Partner has been split up from his ex for 3 years. They have a child together. I've been with him a year.

He has a picture of the three of them when their child was just born, in a cabinet in his front room. He's had the image there for ages - since I've been with him but there was a piece of card in a heart shape covering her up. Today I saw it had slipped down and I could see her face and I said to him semi light hearted that he needs to get rid and why does he still have a picture with her there. He immediately got up and said he will sort it and folded back the bit with her on it. I was happy at the time.....but now I'm thinking about it, why not remove the picture or rip the part with her on it off...? I might be being unreasonable but they were together for 8 years and I don't understand why he would still want that picture around whether or not she is the mother of his child. They are amicable, not over friendly and I don't think he would go back there but I don't get it. I've thrown out every pic of my child's dad - they sees their dad weekly so won't forget what he looks like!

AIBU for wanting him to get rid? Or am I being silly...

OP posts:
singleagain22 · 29/07/2021 18:42

@NavigationCentral

You want him to rip out the face of the mother of his child from a picture.

Please just think.

Just fucking think.

If you have a child with him, and you guys get a newborn family pic, then you split up - would you want him to resent you enough to rip your face off the pic?

What the actual fuck is wrong with people.

Isn't it just as bad that she's covered up already? There's a wrong message in that for the child.
CurlyhairedAssassin · 29/07/2021 18:49

It’s a massively common to have the first photo of your baby uo in your house

Is it? I don't know anyone who has the first newborn photo up in their house actually, especially as the child gets older and becomes less of a wrinkly "unknown being" newborn and more of a personality with their own interests etc. In a photo album or something, yes.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 29/07/2021 18:55

although just re-reading, it must surely be worse for the child to see their mother's face covered over?! Newborn baby photos - fine, I do understand the "capturing the historical moment"/couple becoming a family thing. Important for the child to have a record of that. Keeping it up in the living room on display in the frame once your child is older.....I'm not so sure it's actually necessary to be honest. A child just sees a random wrinkly "baby" and goes "oh, is that me?!" However, if you're going to do it (and I still don't understand why you would put it on display and not in a "early baby pictures" album), don't bloody cover up the mother's face - that's just disrespectful.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 29/07/2021 18:58

And OP, I do think it's sad if the fact that you've thrown out every picture of your children's dad means that they themselves don't have any photos of him to look at if they want. It wouldn't signify how YOU felt about him if a photo of him existed in your house, in their bedroom, whether in a box or on their windowsill.

vodkaredbullgirl · 29/07/2021 19:00

At least you made the DM.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 29/07/2021 19:11

Oh. I guess OP is from the DM then.....

aSofaNearYou · 29/07/2021 23:06

@CurlyhairedAssassin

although just re-reading, it must surely be worse for the child to see their mother's face covered over?! Newborn baby photos - fine, I do understand the "capturing the historical moment"/couple becoming a family thing. Important for the child to have a record of that. Keeping it up in the living room on display in the frame once your child is older.....I'm not so sure it's actually necessary to be honest. A child just sees a random wrinkly "baby" and goes "oh, is that me?!" However, if you're going to do it (and I still don't understand why you would put it on display and not in a "early baby pictures" album), don't bloody cover up the mother's face - that's just disrespectful.
I agree with this. I've never encountered anyone with that specific photo on display, but lots with newborn baby photos in albums. So having it on display but folding the mothers face over (or not) isn't as essential as people on here seem to think it is.
RevolvingPivot · 30/07/2021 10:58

@CurlyhairedAssassin

Oh. I guess OP is from the DM then.....
You think she made the story up for an article to be printed in the newspaper she works for?
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