My DH believes the vaccine will result in mass genocide

[IrisTee]

Im at my wits end. It's all he talks about.

He believes that covid has been over dramatised, masks are a waste of time and that the vaccine is going to kill millions of people over the next few years. He thinks it's a "depopulation" exercise and a way to control the masses. He said if I take the vaccine he will leave me.

He's been buying "survivalist" gear such as tents/ shovels/ emergency matches/ god knows what else. There's numerous packages arriving at the house every day. He's spent over a thousand pounds on this stuff.

Aibu to just be sick of the whole bloody thing??? I want to talk about something else, something normal but it all just comes back to this. What would you do?

I'd get the vaccine but not tell him personally.

There've been some good news articles lately, and the reddit QAnon Casualties support forum, about people who've lost family members to conspiracy theories, QAnon and the anti-vaxxers.

www.politico.com/news/magazine/2021/02/19/qanon-conspiracy-theory-family-members-reddit-forum-469485

www.abc.net.au/news/science/2020-08-24/how-the-qanon-conspiracy-theory-is-affecting-australian-families/12564566

My dad was one. Always a conspiracy theorist, rampant online troll over Brexit, now well into QAnon and 'deepstate' and 'do your own research bill gates eats babies lol'. It all comes from the same cesspit.

And on the one hand, sure, it's 'funny' or you ignore them, but on the other... well, it isn't funny. They've lost the plot and go on such wild rants and dismal rages when they're not listened to that if it's not mental illness, it's still a family-wrecking nightmare to navigate. My father has alienated his whole family but nothing beats the sweet, sweet hit of no longer going to work, but sitting on Facebook all day sharing anti-vaxx memes.

Being your DH this is a bit more serious. He, like any addict, would have to choose to change. You can't demand it of him.

This stuff has broken apart families. You're not the first victim who obviously cannot live with a mad conspiracy nut who might turn dangerous (violence has occurred; they wish to 'save' their loved ones from the coming 'dangers'.)

@IrisTee

Im at my wits end. It's all he talks about.

He believes that covid has been over dramatised, masks are a waste of time and that the vaccine is going to kill millions of people over the next few years. He thinks it's a "depopulation" exercise and a way to control the masses. He said if I take the vaccine he will leave me.

He's been buying "survivalist" gear such as tents/ shovels/ emergency matches/ god knows what else. There's numerous packages arriving at the house every day. He's spent over a thousand pounds on this stuff.

Aibu to just be sick of the whole bloody thing??? I want to talk about something else, something normal but it all just comes back to this. What would you do?

I'd get him some serious psychological help, he's lost it completely.

I'd have to leave him. It would drive me mad!

My best friend has gone done this path, without the tent though! She’s a bright woman who has never been like this before. I think the pandemic has affected people in the strangest of ways. I think my friend has gone this way because of fear. Perhaps you dh is the same? It does sound like he needs help.

Please call your GP and say that you’re seriously worried about your DH’s mental health, and fear he may be psychotic, as ‘he believes the vaccine will result in mass genocide’. Also explain about the fact that he has spent a vast amount of money on things like tents and other survivalist type gear, he is insisting that you do not get the vaccine, and that this is completely out of character.

Good luck. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. It’s easy to dismiss and dismiss and make excuses for the peculiar behaviour, but his mind seems as if it isn’t right at the moment, and may genuinely need medical intervention and help to get him back to where he should be.

and @IrisTee I would be contacting his GP. Explain that you are worried tell them about his behaviour and ask their advice.

Is he working? Managing to function normally in terms of holding down a job etc?

@Scutterbug

Cannot believe the responses here. Am incredibly glad as somebody with a serious mental health issue that my family have stuck by me and not “left the bastard”, got rid of the “nut job” etc. He sounds like he is experiencing paranoia/ delusions. You need a professional assessment. I would call 111 and ask for their advice as how to access it varies by area. Much love x

Is anti-mask/anti-vaxxers addiction a mental health issue? No one's claiming Laurence Fox or Katie Hopkins are having mental health issues or delusions. It's simply what they've chosen to believe.Thousands are in these groups, they adore the attention and comradery and belief that they 'know the truth'. They can't all be mentally ill. Sometimes it's just people who have made choices. And they choose this.

He sounds very unwell, poor man

I don’t think you can fight this with rational argument. That said, if the government (world governments?) wanted to depopulate via vaccine surely it would have been one hell of a lot easier to just bung something in with the annual flu vaccine or whatever.

I’ve spent 4 years trying to get my ex to seek help; he distrusts me because I’m a “brainwashed scientist”. His sisters have spent 3 years at it to no avail.

The last year has been horrific. He has terrified our children. My only duty is to my children.

He also doesn’t believe in mental health issues. He thinks I’m a fool for taking medication for my PTSD and ADHD (which he also doesn’t believe in), despite the fact that I had my first total breakdown when I was with him (not caused by him, I have to say).

@rose69

Have the vaccine so at least you get to stay in the house whilst he lives in a tent

😂

I appreciate the differing opinions here - of course I don't want to leave him. I want the man I married back. I just don't know what to do.
He's found his "tribe" online and anyone who disagrees is labelled a sheep.

We used to joke about conspiracy theories together. Now he's living in one and trying to take me along for the ride.

Thanks to the PP for the previous advice. It would be good to call the GP/ MIND and ask for advice. Even if just for myself.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I had a relative who got deeeeep into qanon conspiracies and the great reset and other such nonsense over the past few years. He felt the same as your husband about the vaccine. Depopulation etc. Spending hours watching videos on YouTube and on forums. I got a bit obsessed with how to "save" him as we were super close but the truth is your can't. I read some of Steven Hassans books which you could take a look at but the more you try to convince him, the more he'll cling to his mad beliefs. He has to come out of it himself. He stopped speaking to me after I was vaccinated and made a microchip joke and asked why he thought it was the unvaxxed who would be safe. Why would they bump off people who comply? I don't miss who he became and how stressful it was having to listen to the constant stream of nonsense. Keep yourself safe and get your vaccine regardless of the threats and start to think about your options. Xx

My sympathies. He’s lucky to still have you. This might help -if nothing else to show that you’re not alone: www.google.com/amp/s/www.buzzfeednews.com/amphtml/albertsamaha/qanon-parents-millennial-children

rose69
Have the vaccine so at least you get to stay in the house whilst he lives in a tent 
😂

That did tickle me too.

Is he mentally ill?
My mate had a partner who obsessed about something not dissimilar.

It sounds like his MH has completely broken down and I would seek urgent advice from his GP. I would also 100% have the vaccine and not tell him - it's your decision to make, not his.

If it was at all possible, I would be 'breaking' the WiFi for a couple of weeks too. He needs to not be online. But I don't know how you can manage that with an otherwise functioning adult.

What is it with mumsnet, always 'leave the nutter' etc.... No bloody compassion for the man haters.
Your husband sounds really ill, which is making him very frightened.
I have a family member who is very similar, I feel so sorry for him, he really believes all the conspiracies out there. He is terrified for all of us. We have tried reaching out to him, to no avail.
I really don't know what to suggest tbh, but please get the vaccine. I've had covid and it was absolutely terrible, I am still suffering with fallout from it, 6 months later. A friend was on a ventilator for 3 months and is unable to walk.
I wish you well and hope your husband can get some kind of help.

'From the manhaters'

Whether you should support him through a mental health crisis or leave, doesn’t change your immediate action: GET VACCINATED.

Not because I think you should - though I do! - but because you want to.

If he wants to leave you because you’re a vaccinated sheep, then you’ve already lost the man you married.

But for now, just do it in secret if you don’t want the arguments.

If every single anti-vaxx and QAnon fan were simultaneously having a mental health crisis with the same symptoms and delusions, I think that'd be a more noteworthy pandemic than Covid.

You can't just dismiss every bit of unpleasant behaviour as 'oh poor thing, must be having a mental health.' Hundreds of thousands of people are joining these groups, alienating their families. It's a crisis, sure, and a tragedy - but a wave of the magic 'mental health' wand fixes nothing, especially not the root causes or offering any sort of solution.

@Thadhiya

There've been some good news articles lately, and the reddit QAnon Casualties support forum, about people who've lost family members to conspiracy theories, QAnon and the anti-vaxxers.

www.politico.com/news/magazine/2021/02/19/qanon-conspiracy-theory-family-members-reddit-forum-469485

www.abc.net.au/news/science/2020-08-24/how-the-qanon-conspiracy-theory-is-affecting-australian-families/12564566

My dad was one. Always a conspiracy theorist, rampant online troll over Brexit, now well into QAnon and 'deepstate' and 'do your own research bill gates eats babies lol'. It all comes from the same cesspit.

And on the one hand, sure, it's 'funny' or you ignore them, but on the other... well, it isn't funny. They've lost the plot and go on such wild rants and dismal rages when they're not listened to that if it's not mental illness, it's still a family-wrecking nightmare to navigate. My father has alienated his whole family but nothing beats the sweet, sweet hit of no longer going to work, but sitting on Facebook all day sharing anti-vaxx memes.

Being your DH this is a bit more serious. He, like any addict, would have to choose to change. You can't demand it of him.

This stuff has broken apart families. You're not the first victim who obviously cannot live with a mad conspiracy nut who might turn dangerous (violence has occurred; they wish to 'save' their loved ones from the coming 'dangers'.)

Crumbs we may have the same dad lol. Hope you are okay x

I really feel for you. Your husband needs help.

Maybe try and get a friend or two of his to come round and have a word with him.

Does his work offer counselling services. I think he is scared and anxious.

It’s not kind to laugh at someone who is mentally ill.

I’m not saying you need to stay with him long term if doesn’t work out, but I think it would be best to try and help him first.

Good luck OP - I hope he gets treatment and better.

My suggestion would be to start slowly. Accept he doesn’t want the vaccine, and that it’s ok not to wear masks as these are no longer compulsory (unless in certain situations). Focus on the ‘emergency supplies’ / conspiracy theories first. Hopefully he’ll have the vaccine eventually.

I mean, she doesn't have to leave him, but conspiracy-nutter family members end up isolating everyone in the end, so he'll just be sat alone on Facebook while the rest of his family grow up and move on. What's the better advice? We all tiptoe and tolerate our ranting QAnon relative, but why should they get special treatment for being an asshole?

@Needapoodle

Demented Crazy Nut job Off his rocker Deluded Dangerous

Isnt it lovely to see that discrimination against people with mental illness is alive and well on Mumsnet.

I know what you mean. It seems almost every day we see another thread from an OP with severe health anxiety about COVID and people try to be understanding (I have been). Unfortunately, this is perhaps a much less palatable way that someone who has always dealt with their fears by finding solutions or taking control, is now expressing a huge amount of COVID anxiety. (He refuses to believe the disease can kill millions because he can’t control that, but he believes the vaccine WILL kill millions because he has 100% control over whether he has the vaccine - therefore, by his subconscious logic, he’s taken control again).

While yes, I believe the OP should do what she needs to in order to protect her own mental health, she’s expressed that he’s never been like this about anything else and that she just wants her husband back. Yes, she should absolutely be able to get the vaccine if she wants and as soon as she wants. If she wants to stay with her husband, and try to get him help, that’s understandable and she can do that, too. Though, just like anxiety, and as a PP said, it may be impossible to help unless he wants help or has a full emergency and can be admitted to hospital (which can happen).