My DH believes the vaccine will result in mass genocide

[IrisTee]

Im at my wits end. It's all he talks about.

He believes that covid has been over dramatised, masks are a waste of time and that the vaccine is going to kill millions of people over the next few years. He thinks it's a "depopulation" exercise and a way to control the masses. He said if I take the vaccine he will leave me.

He's been buying "survivalist" gear such as tents/ shovels/ emergency matches/ god knows what else. There's numerous packages arriving at the house every day. He's spent over a thousand pounds on this stuff.

Aibu to just be sick of the whole bloody thing??? I want to talk about something else, something normal but it all just comes back to this. What would you do?

@IrisTee

I appreciate the differing opinions here - of course I don't want to leave him. I want the man I married back. I just don't know what to do. He's found his "tribe" online and anyone who disagrees is labelled a sheep.

We used to joke about conspiracy theories together. Now he's living in one and trying to take me along for the ride.

Thanks to the PP for the previous advice. It would be good to call the GP/ MIND and ask for advice. Even if just for myself.

I am sure they will have some resources available foe all of you. Pretty sure this situation set off lots of people.

Hope it gets better

You can't just dismiss every bit of unpleasant behaviour as 'oh poor thing, must be having a mental health.' Hundreds of thousands of people are joining these groups, alienating their families. It's a crisis, sure, and a tragedy - but a wave of the magic 'mental health' wand fixes nothing, especially not the root causes or offering any sort of solution.

First of all, what mental health wand? If there's a mental health wand, can someone wave it at me please? Id like to not be a nut job any more and get called names because of an ILLNESS.

Secondly, of course not every anti vaxxer will be mentally ill. Pretty stupid to suggest that they are as if it's some sort of "gotcha". But it's quite likely that a large number of them don't have tip top mental health and therefore are more susceptible to falling into those kinds of groups. Especially if paranoia features in your illness. Especially considering what the last year has been like, and especially if you think for one second about how utterly shit mental health provision is in this country.

Thad - unfortunately yes, very recently. He believes Biden cheated and that Trump is a hero.
I am so embarrassed.

A mate of mine went very sideways in lockdown1

He's actually considerably better now but the guy needed pried out his flat and away from the spliffs and internet. He was batshit along similar lines

His mates could be doing more. I'd speak to them

All but one of his mates have given up on him. I don't blame them really, he would argue with them and tell them they were wrong during every conversation. Even when they tried to steer the conversation on to other topics.

Audden offset of obsession like this to a point of cutting contact with people logically auggests some level of MH breakdwon and is absolutely not comparable to Fox or Hopkins...

Serious question, though - are they all suffering from severe paranoia and psychosis? Every single attendee of the rallys, every single member of these Facebook groups? They can't all be having a psychotic episode at the same time.

Well I don't know because I haven't assessed them all. That's why I used the phrase "distinct possibility". OP's behaviour and thought processes appear to be at quite an extreme end of normal.

Found a list of resources here. I've seen some of them around but it's good to have them all in one place. I read them when my Dad gets particularly bad. He's alienated his whole family. Gets me down, really.

www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/wiki/resources

The 'gamer's analysis' is a good one. It at least explains how it tickles the reward centres.

Sorry, OP's husband's behaviour, that should be.

Thanks Thad, I appreciate that.

@feelingmehtoday

Serious question, though - are they all suffering from severe paranoia and psychosis? Every single attendee of the rallys, every single member of these Facebook groups? They can't all be having a psychotic episode at the same time.

Well I don't know because I haven't assessed them all. That's why I used the phrase "distinct possibility". OP's behaviour and thought processes appear to be at quite an extreme end of normal.

See, I'm not so sure. Support groups for people losing family members to the conspiracy cults are growing all the time. There's a lot of it out there, a lot of families not knowing what do with parents and siblings just checking out of reality to consume Youtube hoaxes and Fox News.

Blimey sounds like some kind of psychosis

@Thadhiya

Conspiracy theories are also a central part of many paranoid psychotic illnesses. So without knowing OP's husband and his mental health background and the basis of his current beliefs etc, it's hard to tell.

So it isn't just covid then. He's actually drunk the kool aid. Yes, he needs help, but this is more than just pandemic paranoia.

This sounds like a very difficult situation for you OP. A sudden behaviour change involving paranoia and obsession requires professional assessment. It must be horrendous seeing the change in his personality and having to live with this new behaviour. I hope you are able to find support, for both your sakes 💐

While beliefs the majority regard as delusional can be a symptom of something, they're surely more likely to simply be an alternative belief system. It makes as much sense to treat him as mentally ill as it would to treat a fervent Christian or Muslim that way. (Or in a society where nearly everyone is religious, an obstinate atheist.)

I hope the support needed can be found. Sorry to read how you have been affected.

Honestly if this happened to me I would be taking that vaccine like a shot to call his bluff and hope he would bugger off. But I do not react well to people trying to control/blackmail me. Especially if it would put my health/well-being at risk.

What are the good points of your relationship that means it’s worth hanging about?

You can call 111 and ask for advice. Info from Mind here too www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/seeking-help-for-a-mental-health-problem/helping-someone-else-seek-help/ I wish you and your husband all the best x

When my relative became paranoid and psychotic 3 years ago I contacted her GP several times who then fabricated a reason to call her in for an appointment... while my relative was at the appointment the GP was able to assess her mental health and then decided to get further advice from a psychiatrist.
My relative was then sectioned & medicated, and happily got back to her normal self.

Is it possible you could contact your husband's GP @IrisTee ?

Your husband does sound very unwell.

By the way I suffer from Schizoaffective disorder & have had paranoiad delusions etc myself, this thread has been unpleasant to read.

OMG, he's gone full tinfoil hat! Is he possibly...not very well? This last year or so has been incredibly stressful.

To answer PP - there are many good points, there were more before this though.
He's a lovely person, he cares about animals and genuinely enjoys helping people. He's the kindest most gentle person I've ever met. He buys me a coffee every morning from the coffee shop and makes sure I have a towel on the rail to dry my hair. Sounds silly, but the little things matter.

Hence my confusion and upset at this situation.

It's actually made me quite upset writing that. :(

Imagine if he's right though, what a twist that would be. All the government's of the world wanting to solve the issue of high population and the climate change problem, can't come up with a solution that will actually work. Technically, this literally is the only solution, none of the current plans will work. Maybe that's why our governments forecast is so shite, they know it won't be needed.

Of course it's all bonkers, and realistically I doubt they could be this intelligent, or keep Trump quiet about it. Just get the jab and say bye.

In the kindest possible way OP, your husband needs help. I hope he is able to access the help and support he needs soon.

to you

It sounds like a mental health issue to me, especially given his previous way of being - as you have described.

Most people can express an opinion either way without falling out with best friends/their partner.

It’s a tough one. Don’t want to bang on about my relationship, but my first serious boyfriend (from 16- 25) ‘became’ schizophrenic 3 years into our relationship following my dads death (trauma) and his twin was showing signs up to a year before following a relationship breakdown (trauma). They both had some strong beliefs about things that just were not true (eg conspiracies to kill them), but these intertwined with things that were more subtle- and were true.

The latter beliefs becoming true, fed their belief in themselves and their world view and cemented their belief that they were right about it all.

I left at 25. My previous partner was, long before then, unable to work/ support himself, on meds and had a psychiatrist and social worker- this had been the case for a couple of years and there has been no improvement.

My point being a) a traumatic event (covid/lockdown etc) can trigger a predisposition to mental health breakdowns and b) it is extremely difficult to reset these false beliefs which are set in fear- when chances are there will be an element of truth, which then feeds the fear - but also trying to reset their thinking just ‘proves’ (in the paranoid mind) that you are working ‘for the enemy’ and ‘against them’.

I’m not sure, having witnessed these 2 cases, that I believe in a cure 😞 .

Of course, in your personal case, it could be just a misguided opinion that is all encompassing now (as covid dominates life) but might be irrelevant in a year or two when normality presides. In which case maybe it’s something that you can just agree to disagree on? I.e you don’t engage and if you choose to get the jab you don’t mention it.
I think this is possible as aside from this you describe a seemingly ‘neuro typical’ person. Had the issue been something that will forever exist (eg the sun is spying on me) then I would doubt the chance of moving past.

I really hope you come out the other side together happily.