My DH believes the vaccine will result in mass genocide

[IrisTee]

Im at my wits end. It's all he talks about.

He believes that covid has been over dramatised, masks are a waste of time and that the vaccine is going to kill millions of people over the next few years. He thinks it's a "depopulation" exercise and a way to control the masses. He said if I take the vaccine he will leave me.

He's been buying "survivalist" gear such as tents/ shovels/ emergency matches/ god knows what else. There's numerous packages arriving at the house every day. He's spent over a thousand pounds on this stuff.

Aibu to just be sick of the whole bloody thing??? I want to talk about something else, something normal but it all just comes back to this. What would you do?

He sounds like a more organised version of my mother. I haven't spoke to her in 20 months (her choice to begin with) I really don't know how you're surviving living with him.. you have my sympathies

Honestly, it's no different than people who would say the FBI are following them, or that aliens visit them every night. It's paranoia that needs help. I'm sorry you're going through this with someone you love 💐

@IrisTee

I think he could use some professional help too, he was never like this before. The problem is he genuinely 100% believes that he is in the right. I don't know how I'd ever get him to even consider that he might not be.

Then you need to protect yourself. I would be straight, tell him you can't live like this and you need to separate. And get the vaccine asap. You can say you'll be there for him if he has second thoughts but don't put yourself at risk.

I think he needs urgent help from a Gp to be honest OP, and I say this as someone who suffered a psychotic episode that was left undiagnosed for so long it took over 3 years to recover. I’m not saying he’s got the same thing, but he’s become obsessed and that’s not normal. Do seek help, my partner had to lie me into surgery, claiming the doctor was on my side and she wanted to discuss her own experiences.

Thanks everyone, I'm overwhelmed at the responses. I'm glad to know I'm not going mad!

I want to help him, but how do you help someone who thinks they are in the right? I just want my husband back :(

He needs some professional help. Is he usually overly anxious or have any mental health issues?

I saw this being discussed online and couldn't believe it. Even more worryingly, there was a strong undertone of 'we told them so' and 'serves them right'

I actually think there'll be some disappointment from some of these people when this obviously doesn't come to pass.

If you get the vaccine and snuff it in this depopulation exercise there’s no point leaving you he may as well wait and get the house.

If you get the vaccine and covids harmless but the vaccine gives you Covid it’s also no problem because its harmless.

Demented
Crazy
Nut job
Off his rocker
Deluded
Dangerous

Isnt it lovely to see that discrimination against people with mental illness is alive and well on Mumsnet.

He’s either become a nasty, controlling partner in response to the loss of control he feels with Covid, lockdowns etc. Or he’s become a nasty, controlling partner due to an acute mental illness triggered by the stress of Covid, maybe a delusional disorder or OCD.

Either way, you shouldn’t have to live like this. If it were me I would set an ultimatum - either see the GP and get seen by the mental health service for an opinion. Or control himself, pick up some new interests and stop ruminating about Covid - and you will choose whether to be vaccinated, wear a mask etc. Or you leave him.

Sounds hideous OP, I hope you have some supportive family or friends.

Vall - I am sorry that happened to you. He is definitely obsessed. I'm very worried.

@ApolloandDaphne

Has he got mental health issues?

He believes the vaccine will result in mass genocide.

Of COURSE he's got mental health issues.

It very much is a MH issue, however it’s fucking impossible to get them to listen to you, or accept they need to see/talk to someone.

My previously lovely, level headed ExDP has gone down this road. It’s severely damaged his relationship with our DC who are only 13 and 10 who cannot take listening to him any more. His two sisters have also significantly dropped contact with him, as he was calling them constantly to rant and rave about it.

Tell him today that you are getting the vaccine, and see what happens. Personally, I would be making an exit plan because unless your husband wants to get help, there is nothing to be done. I simply wouldn't live like this with some unhinged conspiracy nutter.

Certainly get yourself vaccinated before he tries to stop you physically.
If you have dcs, breaking point will come when children are offered the vaccine at some point in the future.
Can you ask your gp for advice? Do you have a family member he trusts, whom he might listen to? It's hard to see what you can do if he won't listen.
I'd pack an overnight emergency bag and stow it at your mums or in the boot of your car so you can bail if you need to. And wait it out. Maybe it will all fade away over time

I’d just get vaccinated and not tell him.

Well, let's just hope he's wrong.

I'd go get the vaccine and not tell him. I do believe there are things that happen that we little people are naive to, but to believe that this is all a show to depopulate the world is beyond cynical. If it were I cynically believe that the undeveloped world and poorer regions would be awash with vaccine supplies. How does he explain bojo and co refusing to suspend intellectual property rights for vaccines? and the fact that the west is doing so little to share vaccines with poorer nations?

I think the important thing for you to recognise is that while of course you want your husband back, for all practical purposes he is gone until he wants to come back (a process which may involve mental health support which he is also going to have to want.)

Please don’t put the pressure on yourself to be the one to bring him back, unless you’re a trained therapist who can provide help. If you choose to wait for him to return to who he was before these thought patterns intervened, you may be disappointed at best and in danger at worst.

If the plan was to depopulate the world, we could have just let covid run riot. No need for vaccines...

@Needapoodle

Demented Crazy Nut job Off his rocker Deluded Dangerous

Isnt it lovely to see that discrimination against people with mental illness is alive and well on Mumsnet.

Thought the exact same thing.

The way OPs husband is thinking and the extent that he is letting it control his life and dictate his relationships clearly isn’t rational and it sounds like he’s really struggling mentally.

Just go and get the vaccine and get some help for your DH.

You're definitely not going mad OP! What a difficult situation. I mean, there is believing in conspiracy theories and not wanting the vaccine for X reason, and then there's this... Do you have children together?

What would he do/say if you went and got the vaccine without telling him? My mum found herself in a similar situation and I encouraged her to take the decision SHE wanted to take, regardless of my dad's crazy arguments about why we're being controlled and killed. She went and had the vaccine in the end, my dad was mad for about 3 days and is now back to his usual business of saying she will die soon and we'll all be controlled by some obscure government force that is obviously controlling the media atm as well. But he never was as bad as your DH to begin with.

I visited a few weeks back and tbh having dinner together was hilarious because he had multiple grown children answering back at every single crazy comment he made. He would end up changing the subject because he had several adults just laughing at him and brushing it off as soon as he said something about it. Would that strategy work, are there any teens or older children in the house...? Clutching at straws here...

It sounds like it's beyond just being his opinion, but taking over his life. I am not saying this flippantly, but if he has spent a grand on stuff and is ending relationships with friends over it, he needs professional help. That's not me saying because I think vaccines are fine and it's crazy to be critical, but this sounds way beyond that.

Sadly it might be time to cut your losses. If he genuinely believes he's right then he won't seek help. Which means you've got 2 choices: put up with it or split up. If you behave with integrity you might preserve enough of the relationship to rekindle it if he comes to his senses in the future. He must be very hard to live with, why put yourself through it when the relationship will probably end anyway if he is so far down the conspiracy theory route that he will leave you for having the vaccine. It must be heart breaking for you

Cannot believe the responses here. Am incredibly glad as somebody with a serious mental health issue that my family have stuck by me and not “left the bastard”, got rid of the “nut job” etc. He sounds like he is experiencing paranoia/ delusions. You need a professional assessment. I would call 111 and ask for their advice as how to access it varies by area. Much love x