To be honest with him that I was disappointed?

[honestjon]

(Not in the U.K. so it's gone midnight where I am)

I've been dating a man for a while and we spent the first overnight together last night. Not, by any means, the first time we'd had sex. But the first time we'd physically slept next to each other.

There was absolutely nothing in the course of the interaction that indicated it was anything but a positive experience on both sides. We left on great terms this morning. All great.

However, I've not heard from him since. Very unusual as we usually keep in touch a lot.

Both of us were busy today but he's gone to play golf with a friend, so when we parted ways this morning, I said 'enjoy golf, let me know whether you win!'.

It's so trivial and possible insignificant but also very very unsettling to have not heard a thing. We've certainly not gone a day without talking before in the 3 months we've known each other.

I'd like to communicate to him that I felt this was a bit disappointing after spending the night together. I am not looking to tell him off, rather just to tell him honestly that it felt a bit disappointing/unsettling after spending the night together.

My logic is that either he has gone off me, in which case whether I say it or not is irrelevant (and may open the door for him to be honest) or he simply didn't realise it was important, in which case raising it should surely be part of good communication about my expectations.

And, of course, the obvious thing is that I've not contacted him either. However, I feel like as women there's an expectation to wait for a man to come to you, so it doesn't seem needy etc. Similarly, I did leave him on the 'let me know how your golf game goes!' note, which I felt opened the door for him to contact me if he wanted to.

My gawd I really hate dating sometimes!!!

[Skiptheheartsandflowers]

Have either of you messaged by now? If not, why not just send 'did you win then?' and see if he responds.

[ChristmasFluff]

You don't say how long you have been together, but it sounds early days if it has been the first overnight.

It's actually not an uncommon time for men to bail - regardless of if you've had sex before or not. It's the intimacy of sleeping that seems to be that step too far for some.

And the reason I never text a man forst in the early days is because of the French saying of how in every relationship there is one who kisses and one who turns the cheek. The power dynamic inherent in a patriarchal society means that it is far better for a woman is the man is doing the kissing and she is turning the cheek.

So I want a man who takes the lead - I'll text first when women truly have equality, and not before.

[DrManhattan]

Don't text him. Be a bit more unavailable, it will make you more attractive

[girlmom21]

@DrManhattan or it'll make her hard work and high maintenance

[DrManhattan]

@girlmom21
Who doesn't want to be high maintenance lol

[girlmom21]

@DrManhattan anyone who wants a healthy, balanced and relaxed relationship

[Mammyloveswine]

Erm I'm
Sure he'll message you tonight when he's not busy given he's out with his friend...

Stop overthinking things! I assume you wouldn't text him constantly if you were out with the girls?!

How old are you op?

This is the sort of thing I would've obsessed over in my early 20s but wouldn't even think twice of in my 30s!

Just send him a text later on saying "had lots of fun last night, hope it didn't impact on your performance today! 😉 "

[Jerima]

Does he own a rabbit?

[DrManhattan]

@girlmom21
Fair enough but we show people how to treat us. If the op expects a text every day and doesn't get one, why would she compromise?

[girlmom21]

@DrManhattan she shouldn't have to compromise if she's putting in the same amount of effort she expects, but if he's spent the day with his friend and so hasn't text her, it's unreasonable to get upset if she hasn't text him either.

If she text and he didn't respond I'd understand her being upset.

[DrManhattan]

@DanniDuck
All of them? Not one ?

[lanbro]

Just message him, for the first time in my life I asked a guy out for a drink the other day, he's actually now picking me up and taking me for a meal that he's booked! Life is short, if he's the one for you just message him, if he gets arsey then he wasn't the one

[DrManhattan]

@DanniDuck
If the texting is that big of a deal - they wouldn't be compatible. They would go off and find people they are more suited to.

[DrManhattan]

@DanniDuck
I don't think I do understand.
I don't think either of them should compromise (if its a big issue / deal breaker).
If the op wants him to do something he doesn't then they aren't compatible , so they can go their own separate ways and meet someone more suitable.

[MistyGreenAndBlue]

Why is everyone missing that it is gone midnight where OP is?
And I'm guessing that she's concerned because it's unusual maybe that he hasn't contacted her in nearly 12 hours after an intimate night?
I'd wonder too.
Don't contact him at this late hour. Maybe tomorrow if you still haven't heard anything.

[beastlyslumber]

Yeah, don't contact him. It's weird he hasn't got in touch with you. Give him until tomorrow and if he doesn't message... game over. Sorry. Or you could think of it as a lucky escape. Don't text him first.

[Greenrubber]

Yeah your coming across exactly how you don't want to!
I'm sure he will text you tomorrow try and chill out a bit

[ForeverSausages]

[quote DrManhattan]@DanniDuck
I don't think I do understand.
I don't think either of them should compromise (if its a big issue / deal breaker).
If the op wants him to do something he doesn't then they aren't compatible , so they can go their own separate ways and meet someone more suitable.[/quote]
Literally this. It is sexist to think the man should be the one to contact first. As women, you should be able to message whenever you want (doesn't mean it comes with an expectation from the man, and does not equal "neediness"). I hate this in dating. You do not need to wait for the man to message first. If they're bothered by it, then they're not right for you.

[Midnightballerina]

He's probably just knackered. When my Mr plays golf they have a few beers on the way round. Followed by dinner & a few more beers. He comes home, flops on the couch & that's him for the evening.

[decoratedstandardlamp]

So have you messaged him?

[beastlyslumber]

It is sexist to think the man should be the one to contact first.

I completely disagree. Not as a blanket rule, but as a generality. If you pursue a man, he doesn't have to make any effort to get you, therefore your value in his mind is diminished. It's just the way evolution worked it out.

Not to say that once you're in an established relationship that you shouldn't make an effort with your partner. But if a man isn't texting/pursuing you at the beginning it's not a good sign. Maybe he thinks he's 'got' you now OP so doesn't have to make any effort. But at this stage I'd guess if he's not texting or phoning after spending the night together it's because he's not into you/the relationship/the sex.