To be honest with him that I was disappointed?

[honestjon]

(Not in the U.K. so it's gone midnight where I am)

I've been dating a man for a while and we spent the first overnight together last night. Not, by any means, the first time we'd had sex. But the first time we'd physically slept next to each other.

There was absolutely nothing in the course of the interaction that indicated it was anything but a positive experience on both sides. We left on great terms this morning. All great.

However, I've not heard from him since. Very unusual as we usually keep in touch a lot.

Both of us were busy today but he's gone to play golf with a friend, so when we parted ways this morning, I said 'enjoy golf, let me know whether you win!'.

It's so trivial and possible insignificant but also very very unsettling to have not heard a thing. We've certainly not gone a day without talking before in the 3 months we've known each other.

I'd like to communicate to him that I felt this was a bit disappointing after spending the night together. I am not looking to tell him off, rather just to tell him honestly that it felt a bit disappointing/unsettling after spending the night together.

My logic is that either he has gone off me, in which case whether I say it or not is irrelevant (and may open the door for him to be honest) or he simply didn't realise it was important, in which case raising it should surely be part of good communication about my expectations.

And, of course, the obvious thing is that I've not contacted him either. However, I feel like as women there's an expectation to wait for a man to come to you, so it doesn't seem needy etc. Similarly, I did leave him on the 'let me know how your golf game goes!' note, which I felt opened the door for him to contact me if he wanted to.

My gawd I really hate dating sometimes!!!

[TatianaBis]

This guy is still making his mind up and what's wrong with that? If the OP really likes him and plays her cards right I think he'll fall for her.

Ooo if she’s really lucky, plays her cards right, doesn’t rock the boat, she might get a guy to fall for her who cba to contact her after sex. What a prize!

[OliverBabish]

Bet OP regrets making this thread now some of the responses are wild!

Good luck on your other date OP - hope it goes well.

[LimeRedBanana]

@TatianaBis

This guy is still making his mind up and what's wrong with that? If the OP really likes him and plays her cards right I think he'll fall for her.

Ooo if she’s really lucky, plays her cards right, doesn’t rock the boat, she might get a guy to fall for her who cba to contact her after sex. What a prize!

Right??

Meanwhile, in the real world, where it’s actually just reasonable, decent men that you want to get involved with, you don’t need any of this card playing nonsense.

[TedMullins]

[quote Limeinthacoconut]@TedMullins If you’re in a relationship it’s a crap thing to do this to someone. However, he didn’t say they were exclusive and op knows that too ( and was dating other people too) in the last few months. So really he owes her nothing , they aren’t in a relationship 🤷‍♀️ They have also had sex before so it’s not like he had sex and then dumped her the next day. Perhaps, he’s just not sure or one of the other dates he likes more.[/quote]
Then he should’ve said to her “I’m not sure” or “I like one of my other dates more”, not take the coward’s way out. You don’t have to be in a relationship to show someone basic politeness

[Briarshollow]

Maybe you have gopping morning breath and sleep with your mouth wide open.

Or maybe he doesn’t like you quite enough and sleeping over felt like a slow slide into ‘relationship’ territory and he backed off.

[FrameyMcFrame]

My dad once gave me some good advice about men which seems worth passing on here OP. He said, "golf is a game for cunts."

[LimeRedBanana]

@Briarshollow

Maybe you have gopping morning breath and sleep with your mouth wide open.

Or maybe he doesn’t like you quite enough and sleeping over felt like a slow slide into ‘relationship’ territory and he backed off.

It could easily be either of those things (and a big ‘well done’ to you for being so ‘hilariously’ graphic about the possibilities).

But doesn’t change the fact that the OP just wants him to be straight with her.

[TatianaBis]

@FrameyMcFrame

My dad once gave me some good advice about men which seems worth passing on here OP. He said, "golf is a game for cunts."

True dat.

[Thewinterofdiscontent]

@Briarshollow

Maybe you have gopping morning breath and sleep with your mouth wide open.

Or maybe he doesn’t like you quite enough and sleeping over felt like a slow slide into ‘relationship’ territory and he backed off.

Probably this!

I hate the use of the phrase “ game playing”, That’s misogynist shit as if women are trapping poor hapless men with guile and stealth.

We don’t do it with female friends. We chat a lot and accept they have partners/kids and lives and that makes the communication more important. We love their good bits, openly moan about their flaws, fall out, make up, move on. But we get it and friendships last years.

Men it’s like,” I must show you how much I love you, look how willing I am ”, as if that’s all a man needs to hear. It’s not helping anyone especially women.

[Tinpotspectator]

Perhaps it's too soon to expect clarity.

[BigButtons]

@Tinpotspectator

Perhaps it's too soon to expect clarity.

You have very low standards

[Aliceclara]

You can really see from these replies who has experienced OLD and who hasn't

[FOJN]

OP you sound absolutely fantastic, it's great to read a post from someone who has standards and self respect.

It's a shame so many posters think questioning a radical change in behaviour is needy, no wonder so many men behave like shits.

If he's put off by you asking for clarity then he's done you a favour, he doesn't sound mature enough to communicate with you in a respectful manner, that kind of behaviour is exhausting in the long term.

I'd let it go and carry on dating others.

[CrouchEndTiger12]

I've been dating a man for a while and we spent the first overnight together last night. Not, by any means, the first time we'd had sex. But the first time we'd physically slept next to each other.

So wait I read that wrong. The OP has had sex with this man several times without ever staying the night.

Gosh how awful for one of you to leave afterwards. That would have been something I wouldn't have tolerated before it got to ghosting. Likes me enough to have sex but not to have me stay over.

[Herecomesthesun70]

What's the latest, did he get back in touch?