So frustrated about DD I could cry

[conecrosoooo]

A bit of a rant here but also would appreciate advice. Me and my DD18 have come to mutual decision that she cannot live here anymore. She is a nightmare. Rude, mouthy, arsehole boyfriend who has no respect for my house. Spoilt and constantly mithering for money. She makes me depressed. My 7yo is terrified of the boyfriend because he is so vile.

I do not want to throw her out on the street. Isn’t interested in uni and left college the day she turned 18. She has 2 part-time jobs and makes around 900 a month give or take.

We are in an expensive area. She needs to remain local for her jobs, they are evening/night based and I want her to be able to get home quickly and also be near enough to call me for lifts home because sometimes she will be finishing at 1am. She does not want a houseshare or to have to share a bathroom. We looked at a bedsit with a bathroom share earlier this week and she was put off when she saw she’d have to share her bathroom with a middle aged man, and I don’t blame her. The cheapest place where she will have her own bathroom I’ve found is a converted office flat at £650pm. I’ve done a quick calculation of what I reckon all of her bills plus rent would be (I think I’ve accounted for everything including her car but she is still a learner so the insurance will skyrocket once she passes but I’ve not added the increase to the budget) and I think she’d need £1100 monthly.

I believe she’ll get some housing benefit but I don’t know how much. We’ve got a viewing at the flat on Monday but I don’t know if she stands a cat in hell’s chance of being approved. It is a special scheme where a deposit isn’t needed. I can afford maybe £200 a month to top her up but even that is pushing it. In a different part of our county she’d get a similar flat for 30% less per month but would have to quit her other 2 jobs, find a new more local one, be stuck with me for months on end when we’re already at each other’s throats. It’s so frustrating.

If she remains living here we will end up bloody killing each other but I also am trying my best to support her.

Just one point, her getting her driving license : how will she afford a car and have the money to run it after rent etc?? Think she needs to do her own maths on moving out and then take a view on the 'cost' of her attitude and boyfriend! I get it though, I'd do same as you re helping but I think others are right that I think you need to step back and let her figure it out a bit more. Give her one months notice. Think she needs to toughen up a bit. I lived with my parents until I was c 20/21 and I always knew it was on the proviso I wasn't a total arse hole!!

Tunnocks I too was a traumatised child and was told by my DF to not come home, though my DM tried to stay in touch. What happened to me in my 20s as a result of this and an inability to get any support from the NHS for my mental health was in some ways worse than the childhood that traumatised me in the first place and has left me with physical health problems that could have been avoided with early support. The whole situation sounds really difficult, and I agree with everything you say.

@Marmitemarinaded

The live in jobs you all list

Challenge: post ONE advert that you find on any job Board for a live in position other than a nanny position.

Rare pre covid. All but non existent now.
I work in recruitment.

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED Loads on indeed. Including the one mentioned by @Hankunamatata. But they are again hospitality, cleaning etc. Is this the type of recruitment you mean? Challenge met?

Your search covers the ENTIRE UK

I just did the same one myself.

The only one possible is that top one. With one uears preferred housekeeping experience.

So one possible job
In the UK
That the teen doesn’t have the preferred experience for

OP it sounds like you've had a lot of people minimising your DDs formative years and experience of bullying and you need to ignore. She is traumatized and I'd be amazed if this isn't a factor in her decision making. She might not have been so vulnerable to this guy if she had other parts of her life going well.

Would she consider returning to the apprenticeship course again in Sept? Now she can see that her finances don't stack up so she needs to earn more money. A hospitality apprenticeship would offer a salary & progression pathway.

Also, it's not too late to go for counselling again but she'll probably reject the idea if it came from you. counselling

@Marmitemarinaded

Your search covers the ENTIRE UK

I just did the same one myself.

The only one possible is that top one. With one uears preferred housekeeping experience.

So one possible job
In the UK
That the teen doesn’t have the preferred experience for

What’s wrong with the entire of the UK search?

We don’t know where they live and I thought the whole point was to give her a chance to escape the boyfriend and open her eyes up to the possibilities out there and to make friends?

Haven are hiring and there’s a place in Scotland that looks beautiful. There’s some great opportunities on there.

In my local area there is a young person mentoring scheme. Up to yeh age of 25, would she be up for some mentoring? She would be able to meet other young people and it might help with her self worth and mental health? You can see refer.

Boyfriend is not permitted to enter. End of. You must enforce this. Eject him from the home every time.

Does she pay you rent?

Why can’t she stay with her dad?

Also what a year abroad?

Something else to consider and a great way to meet people. English teaching in China?

Multiple live-in jobs at a hotel in the Cotswolds.

careers.iconicluxuryhotels.com/jobs.aspx?&lo=2395544&r=20&cc=GB

Then you call the police on her too.

@Marmitemarinaded

Your search covers the ENTIRE UK

I just did the same one myself.

The only one possible is that top one. With one uears preferred housekeeping experience.

So one possible job
In the UK
That the teen doesn’t have the preferred experience for

Well you did say ANY job, how are we meant to find the dd a job local to her when we don't know where she is? Since you only found the one live in nanny job, am assuming you do know where they are?

Not nanny, housekeeping

1. Job
2. Not qualified for
3. Entire Uk

Let’s put live in job option to bed!!

@Marmitemarinaded

1. Job

1. Not qualified for
2. Entire Uk

Let’s put live in job option to bed!!

Pardon?

@Marmitemarinaded

1. Job

1. Not qualified for
2. Entire Uk

Let’s put live in job option to bed!!

Why? People are trying to help, is there a reason you are so keen to halt this?

The holiday park hospitality so front of house, reception, cleaning jobs could all be done with the experience the dd has, it would give her accommodation, money and a peer group away from the bf. He could even also apply if they are so desperate to stay together.

Realistic advice is important

Pie in the sky, even if very well meaning, less so

It would be ideal
But it’s not an option
I work in recruitment for heaven sake!!

@Marmitemarinaded

It would be ideal But it’s not an option I work in recruitment for heaven sake!!

Why couldn’t she get a job in a holiday park like Haven? “Pie in the sky” to clean a caravan or work on a checking in desk or behind the bar or in the restaurant?

And even if there were lots

And 18 year old currently living at home is not someone remotely appealing for a live in role from an employer perspective.

They aren’t recruiting atm
They simple aren’t

www.jobijoba.co.uk/detail/92/c4bc91ddd3ef11ef2b9259e0ea43b714?utm_campaign=google_jobs_apply&utm_source=google_jobs_apply&utm_medium=organic

Yes they are! 😂

“And 18 year old currently living at home is not someone remotely appealing for a live in role from an employer perspective.”

18 year olds living at home are exactly the people I’ve known go to work in holiday resorts both in the UK and abroad.

@Marmitemarinaded

They aren’t recruiting atm They simple aren’t

Yes they are. Is this the recruitment line you are in?

Oh goodness, that is the same place.
The one place in the Uk on indeed that is recruiting for live in positions

Ok - op go for it!

It will be a complete waste of time

But… worth a shot

Good luck op and I mean that. Very tricky position for you