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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In hospital

340 replies

2under2howscary · 22/07/2021 22:25

Okay. So I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable or not.

I woke up this morning with sudden onset blurry vision, and severe headache.

Went to eye a&e were I was found to have pressure in the back of my eyes, so they decided to send me straight to a&e

I went sent straight to a&e as told. I've had a CT can (awaiting results) where they're querying a blood clot or intercranial hypertension.

My partner works away. Tonight he is 2 hours away in Preston. He's gone out for dinner with his work friends which is fine. Here is where I may be unreasonable.
I asked him not to get drunk in case I needed him tonight, or for whatever reason he had to drive back. He agreed three times.

I've just been texting him and he's drunk as anything. He says I'm having a pop for no reason, and just being argumentative and stopping him having drinks for no reason. He'll no doubt stop talking to me now.

So AIBU for asking him not to drink? Even though he's 2.5 hours away?

OP posts:
THATbasicSNOWFLAKE · 22/07/2021 22:28

Yanbu, doesn't sound very concerned about you does he

Catquestion · 22/07/2021 22:28

YANBU at all!

I hope you’re ok xx

Jeschara · 22/07/2021 22:28

Very unreasonable in the cicumstances. Hope you get your results soon.

SisterMonicaJoansHabit · 22/07/2021 22:29

I'd be "proper fummin". It should be a common courtesy to be safely on standby I'm situations like these. Hope you get better soon.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 22/07/2021 22:30

Jesus. My DH would have dropped everything if I'd been admitted to hospital, even if he wasn't allowed in or had important meetings lined up. He's really shitty going out and getting drunk when you need reassurance from him

Trying2310 · 22/07/2021 22:31

You are not being unreasonable at all. In these circumstances my DH would drive back as soon as he could. Hope all your results are OK.

WoodPell · 22/07/2021 22:32

Mine would have come back, not got pissed, and I suspect 9 out of 10 husbands would have done the same.

GroggyLegs · 22/07/2021 22:35

My DH would have been texting regularly and probably would have come home if I was in hospital.
I stay away for work on occasion & have offered to come back for less.

No way would either if us get bolloxed.
Sorry OP Flowers. I hope everything is okay.

Original poster
2under2howscary · 22/07/2021 22:36

We have a 9 month old whose had to go to his Nana's. Which is fine.

But what's upsetting me is, if I get bad news what's the point of telling a drunk DP?

Or, he couldn't put me first just once, when I'm in a&e, when he knew hours before going out.

Just feel really let down by him. But he's making out like I'm being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Original poster
2under2howscary · 22/07/2021 22:38

And my CT scan was to check for blood clots on my brain. So it's not like a broken arm, or nosebleed. Im actually worried. But feel like crying that he's more interested in drinking than being on hand for me :(

OP posts:
cadburyegg · 22/07/2021 22:40

Oh my god YANBU. He should have come straight back

Reallybadidea · 22/07/2021 22:42

Let me get this straight - your 9 month old is being looked after by his grandma because his mum is sick in hospital and his dad has gone out partying?

I don't wand to make you feel worse but WTAF?!

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 22/07/2021 22:43

Mine would have been straight in the car and home once he heard I was going to hospital. I cannot fathom his thought process here. Leaving you, probably afraid, on your own, and your child without a parent at home? And after that, getting drunk so he was incapable of helping out at all, or getting home? Selfish bastard.

WoodPell · 22/07/2021 22:43

@2under2howscary

And my CT scan was to check for blood clots on my brain. So it's not like a broken arm, or nosebleed. Im actually worried. But feel like crying that he's more interested in drinking than being on hand for me :(
Flowers Fingers crossed it's a minor issue, OP.

I don't think I could entertain stupid arguments about why he was right to shrug and go out drinking because there aren't any.

I think I'd have to ask him - if I had bad news would you seriously be fine that you'd have to go to bed, sleep it off and then drive back sober before I got any company or support?

Original poster
2under2howscary · 22/07/2021 22:44

@Reallybadidea he drove to Preston at 7am so before I was sick.

But, I told him at 11am I needed to go to eye a&e. He then knew at 4pm I was being sent to the normal a&e...

Then at half 6 he went out.

My son had to be dropped off at his nanas anyway but yep, he could have driven back to get him. I said this, and he just put 'he'll be fine with my mam, chill xxx'

OP posts:
PaddleBlue · 22/07/2021 22:44

He’s a twat, sorry

Starjammer · 22/07/2021 22:44

What??? My DH would have come immediately, if not just for me, but to look after his daughter too. YANBU to be upset. What an arse. He's in Preston, not Outer Mongolia.

Reallybadidea · 22/07/2021 22:45

He's a bit of a shit really then (understatement)

justasking111 · 22/07/2021 22:45

This is awful he is a pig to be honest. Take care of yourself

Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 22/07/2021 22:45

Of course YANBU! Shockingly selfish and uncaring behaviour on his behalf.

AddsVsGeorgs · 22/07/2021 22:46

Thats awful OP

I hope you are ok
Do you have to stay in or are you waiting for results and maybe allowed home?

lannistunut · 22/07/2021 22:46
Flowers

Focus on you tonight but he's completely out of order, sorry.

Original poster
2under2howscary · 22/07/2021 22:48

I'm waiting on results and may be allowed home. If I'm allowed home it's with referrals to ophthalmology to neurology.

OP posts:
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 22/07/2021 22:49

Yes your DS will be fine with his Nana but what about supporting YOU!! I'd stop messaging him now OP. He's drunk and it won't end well, plus I imagine you don't need your blood pressure rising right now. I'd save the bollocking for once he's sober and you're better. I'm not one to say LTB lightly but this might have been a deal breaker for me.

Sending un-MN like hugs

WingingItSince1973 · 22/07/2021 22:49

So sorry for you. My DH would have come back as soon as possible. What on earth is he thinking? Hope you get good news from the scan soon xxx