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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In hospital

340 replies

2under2howscary · 22/07/2021 22:25

Okay. So I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable or not.

I woke up this morning with sudden onset blurry vision, and severe headache.

Went to eye a&e were I was found to have pressure in the back of my eyes, so they decided to send me straight to a&e

I went sent straight to a&e as told. I've had a CT can (awaiting results) where they're querying a blood clot or intercranial hypertension.

My partner works away. Tonight he is 2 hours away in Preston. He's gone out for dinner with his work friends which is fine. Here is where I may be unreasonable.
I asked him not to get drunk in case I needed him tonight, or for whatever reason he had to drive back. He agreed three times.

I've just been texting him and he's drunk as anything. He says I'm having a pop for no reason, and just being argumentative and stopping him having drinks for no reason. He'll no doubt stop talking to me now.

So AIBU for asking him not to drink? Even though he's 2.5 hours away?

OP posts:
CanofCant · 23/07/2021 00:14

[quote 2under2howscary]@CanofCant I have the 12 week scan tomorrow. Obviously he hasn't taken the day off work. [/quote]
What a hurtful prick he is.

Noterook · 23/07/2021 00:17

He sounds horrendous OP, what a disgusting and selfish man. He won't quit his job as he will want money still, benefits won't be a fraction of what he earns now I expect. You would get financial support though if needed from elsewhere anyway.

Did you tell the hospital you were pregnant when they were doing tests by the way?

Original poster
2under2howscary · 23/07/2021 00:18

@Noterook yep! All knew I was 12 weeks pregnant xx

OP posts:
Runnerduck34 · 23/07/2021 00:23

Im sorry youve had such a traumatic day, Im pleased you are ok, concentrate on yourself and getting better.
You were not being dramatic, anyone would want a handhold in that situation, it sounds scary and he should have been there for you. OH has shown his true colours and once you are stronger consider your options. I know its sooo much easier said than done but really think its a case of LTB, he will never put you or your son first. I hope you have friends and family who can support you. concentrate on looking after yourself and your son, work on a plan for your future without OH

irresistibleoverwhelm · 23/07/2021 00:26

Wtf? He should have driven straight back, not gone out for drinks!

Awful, awful behaviour. I’m sorry, OP, and I really hope your medical issue is as minor as possible. Flowers

emilylily · 23/07/2021 00:28

@Reallybadidea

Let me get this straight - your 9 month old is being looked after by his grandma because his mum is sick in hospital and his dad has gone out partying?

I don't wand to make you feel worse but WTAF?!

This! I'm so sorry OP- it's bad enough that you're scared and in hospital; without your partner being so inconsiderate and seemingly not caring at all.
Elderflower14 · 23/07/2021 00:30

If I were you he would now be my EX DP! Fancy leaving you alone...!!!

Lalliella · 23/07/2021 00:30

Your first paragraph is really worrying OP, that you don’t know if you’re being unreasonable or not. It looks like your judgement has been warped by so much awful treatment from him that you don’t know what’s reasonable and what isn’t anymore. He’s really done a number on you.

I hope the comments on this thread have opened your eyes to what an unfeeling insensitive piece of shit your partner is. I’m so sorry you’ve found yourself in this position, and hope you’ll find the strength to kick him out and eventually find someone who actually deserves you.

Great that it was good news at the hospital, hope you make a full recovery Flowers

DishingOutDone · 23/07/2021 00:36

So you have a rented property in your name. Sounds like his mum would take him in; are you married? Because if not I think you now have the ideal opportunity to bin him off.

Do you have any of your own family nearby that can help you?

Fishkettlesgalore · 23/07/2021 00:36

Ach op, I really feel for you. I hope your results are OK Flowers

If I lived anywhere near and not overseas I would come in the car to collect you from A & E as your dp should be doing. Feel Angry on your behalf.

I started another thread here tonight complaining about my dh but he would have not gone out to dinner with his work mates in these circumstances, he would have come straight home.

You really need to think about whether you are prepared to accept this shoddy treatment Flowers

MrsR87 · 23/07/2021 00:47

[quote 2under2howscary]@CanofCant I have the 12 week scan tomorrow. Obviously he hasn't taken the day off work. [/quote]
So I was reading all of your posts and updates thinking how selfish your OH is and then this little nugget of information has just tipped it over the edge! It’s terrible that he behaved like that and wasn’t interested in your well being but it’s abhorrent behaviour when there is also a baby involved! His first thoughts should be the two of you, not his mates and certainly not alcohol. He sounds like an incredibly selfish person! Does he have a problem with alcohol or is he just that selfish.
My own DH is so lovely that these types of post always shock me because I forget how horrible people can be…I hope that puts it into perspective that you are definitely not being unreasonable and need to put yourself and both your littles ones first x

chickensouporwine · 23/07/2021 00:51

You would be insane to stay with this man.

Twoforthree · 23/07/2021 00:52

Oh my giddy aunt. What a waste of space.

It’s such a pity you are pregnant again.

He won’t quit his job if you claim csa. If he does he’s cutting his nose off to spite his face as he won’t have any money either.

You don’t have any choice but to leave him before your dc start copying his ways.

Get well soon

Pleasegivemeyourwisdom · 23/07/2021 00:52

He is an A1 asshole

swimlyn · 23/07/2021 00:53

@ WoodPell he said he'd quit his job to ensure he would never have to pay CSA. It's not fair he works for 60 hours a week to pay for my bills if we were to split.

I've known for ages he's an arsehole but I'm stuck in a hole with him. I got my tenancy in the house just in my name as I knew he was a twat. But, I can't bring myself to just leave him. Sometimes he's lovely but 8/10 he's like this.

He has very clearly told you today that alcohol is more important to him than you.

The CSA bit above tells you he doesn’t give a shiny shit for the two of you.

The “sometimes he’s lovely” is just to keep you as his servant/nookie supplier.

You know what to do. Flowers

FortniteBoysMum · 23/07/2021 00:55

I would tell him not to bother coming back. If I possibly needed serious surgery and drinks with friends were more important than driving home to support me that would be game over.

Ijustknowitstimetogo · 23/07/2021 00:57

Tell him to fuck off and leave. You don’t deserve to be treated like this.

chipsandgin · 23/07/2021 00:57

His pregnant wife was in hospital with a potentially horrible outcome…& he prioritised drinking!? You know what you have to do OP. Honestly you deserve better & so do your kids. I don’t often say it but there’s no come back from this. Please LTB, for the sake of your child, your unborn child & you Flowers hope you’re ok.

Talk2thehand · 23/07/2021 01:02

Unfortunately what he's doing is classic gaslighting. Sorry you're going through this. If he's done it before he'll do it again 💐

Talk2thehand · 23/07/2021 01:06

Just read your later posts. If he behaves like this and shows you no concern 8/10 times then it's emotional abuse. You need to make a choice whether or not you want to be an abused woman 💐

notangelinajolie · 23/07/2021 01:11

OP it sounds like he doesn't give 1 shit about you. He sounds like a total knob.

I have Ocular Hypertension and my DH knows 100% how serious this is. He gets that I could lose my eye sight. I have daily eye drops to keep the pressure down and a check up at the hospital every 12 months. He takes the day off work and takes me because the tests I have require eye drops to enable them to see the nerve at the back of my eye which renders me blind for a few hours till it wears off. I am stable on my current medication but in the early days I was having to go to the eye hospital every month.

Flowers for you. Don't worry it will be ok.
Still think your partner is an uncaring twat.
Bonus = free eye tests. And the NHS doesn't give them for no reason

notangelinajolie · 23/07/2021 01:24

For all those saying no blood clots is good. Ocular Hypertension is not a good diagnosis. You could lose your eyesight - that is how serious it is.
I have this. Look after yourself OP. And get rid of this loser, he clearly doesn't care about you or is too thick to know how bad this can get.

Justilou1 · 23/07/2021 02:37

Your diagnosis is still very serious. What are they doing about it?

Original poster
2under2howscary · 23/07/2021 03:06

Can't sleep. So annoyed and just upset with him. I know I'm going to wake up to some shitty message too from him.

And I have a referral to general outpatients at the a&e eye infirmary.

They're suggesting diet control for the inter-cranial with tablets if the pressure doesn't decrease.

For the ocular it's eye drops to keep the pressure down.

OP posts:
JuneJuly · 23/07/2021 03:13

This is pretty much a one-sided relationship it seems. You would 'drop everything' if he went to hospital, but the other way round & you're just an inconvenience to him for disturbing his night out drinking & his sleep??!

I mean, stay with him if you really 'can't bring yourself to leave him' but then don't be surprised about him treating you the way that you are allowing him to.