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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In hospital

340 replies

2under2howscary · 22/07/2021 22:25

Okay. So I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable or not.

I woke up this morning with sudden onset blurry vision, and severe headache.

Went to eye a&e were I was found to have pressure in the back of my eyes, so they decided to send me straight to a&e

I went sent straight to a&e as told. I've had a CT can (awaiting results) where they're querying a blood clot or intercranial hypertension.

My partner works away. Tonight he is 2 hours away in Preston. He's gone out for dinner with his work friends which is fine. Here is where I may be unreasonable.
I asked him not to get drunk in case I needed him tonight, or for whatever reason he had to drive back. He agreed three times.

I've just been texting him and he's drunk as anything. He says I'm having a pop for no reason, and just being argumentative and stopping him having drinks for no reason. He'll no doubt stop talking to me now.

So AIBU for asking him not to drink? Even though he's 2.5 hours away?

OP posts:
godmum56 · 22/07/2021 23:03

bloody hell what a nasty man. LTB

AlternativePerspective · 22/07/2021 23:03

What does his mother think of this prince among men? If he were my son I would be ashamed and would tell him so in no uncertain terms.

When I was taken seriously ill nearly 5 years ago I had to ring an ambulance. My DP, who doesn’t live with me and lives 2.5 hours away, walked out of work and got on a train to come here to both be there for me, and also to be there for my child who isn’t even his.

He sounds like a selfish twat. I hope you get good news in terms of your results, but either way I would be looking at where you want this relationship to go.

Bellabluea · 22/07/2021 23:04

YANBU
Sorry OP but he’s an arse. I think you know this though. You deserve better. I hope you’re ok lovely x

KatherineOfGaunt · 22/07/2021 23:04

Everything crossed for you that it's something minor Flowers

Your DH is being a dick about this. He should have rushed back to support you.

WoodPell · 22/07/2021 23:04

He means "Why do you have to make me realise I've been a dick".

I'd bin him. I'd rather have the child maintenance payments.

Original poster
2under2howscary · 22/07/2021 23:07

@WoodPell he said he'd quit his job to ensure he would never have to pay CSA. It's not fair he works for 60 hours a week to pay for my bills if we were to split.

I've known for ages he's an arsehole but I'm stuck in a hole with him. I got my tenancy in the house just in my name as I knew he was a twat. But, I can't bring myself to just leave him. Sometimes he's lovely but 8/10 he's like this.

OP posts:
Lindaloo08 · 22/07/2021 23:07

I hope all is okay. To not come straight home shows the type of person he is. Ignore his texts and calls, he can check in with his mam about his son. I'd be having a serious chat when he's back cos something has to change. Mind yourself xxx

Aquamarine1029 · 22/07/2021 23:09

FGS, op, KICK HIM OUT.

Don't live like this.

LagunaBubbles · 22/07/2021 23:09

There's selfish and then there's downright uncaring. Why are you with someone who cares so little for you?

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 22/07/2021 23:10

2/10 isn’t a good enough foundation for a relationship. You and your child deserve way more.

Once you get the all clear and get home (sending positive vibes here!), pack his bags and have them waiting for him. You’ll be so much better off without him. Living with an arsehole must be stressful and disappointing. Imagine being free of it!

WhatMattersMost · 22/07/2021 23:10

He just gets more and more charming with each of your posts.

OP, you now have a very clear picture of who he is when the pressure's on. I really hope you leave him.

WhatMattersMost · 22/07/2021 23:11

[quote 2under2howscary]@WoodPell he said he'd quit his job to ensure he would never have to pay CSA. It's not fair he works for 60 hours a week to pay for my bills if we were to split.

I've known for ages he's an arsehole but I'm stuck in a hole with him. I got my tenancy in the house just in my name as I knew he was a twat. But, I can't bring myself to just leave him. Sometimes he's lovely but 8/10 he's like this. [/quote]
Then it's on you, I'm afraid. If you know what he's like and you're choosing to be with him, why are you messaging here?

Chimboo · 22/07/2021 23:11

YANBU. I hope you are okay, you must focus on yourself. Flowers

I had something similar once, partner at the time had gone on a much awaited trip away. I had to go to hospital randomly out of the blue, ended up having surgery - he stopped drinking and embarked on an absolute mission to get home. I didn’t expect him to! He is now my husband. I don’t say that to be a gloaty knob, I say that as someone that had previously been in a really shitty, at times emotionally abusive, relationship and I just had no expectation he’d even give a shit let alone sack his trip off and come home when I really was okay (miserable in hospital yes, but my best mate was there with me!). Don’t settle. Xx

ineedaholidaynow · 22/07/2021 23:11

8/10 times he is awful. Do not stay with this man. I wonder what his work colleagues think about him.

As others have said if this was my son I would be ashamed of him

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 22/07/2021 23:12

[quote 2under2howscary]@WoodPell he said he'd quit his job to ensure he would never have to pay CSA. It's not fair he works for 60 hours a week to pay for my bills if we were to split.

I've known for ages he's an arsehole but I'm stuck in a hole with him. I got my tenancy in the house just in my name as I knew he was a twat. But, I can't bring myself to just leave him. Sometimes he's lovely but 8/10 he's like this. [/quote]
And he obviously knows that he’s not worth staying with, or why has he planned what he’ll do when you leave him? What does that tell you!

AddsVsGeorgs · 22/07/2021 23:13

8/10 Christ OP

Finish with him !!!!

Original poster
2under2howscary · 22/07/2021 23:15

Just rang him to update.

He's so pissed he's slurring his words. Said he doesn't want updating as he wants to sleep. Cheers

OP posts:
tedsletterofthelaw · 22/07/2021 23:16

Each update just gets worse.

You can do better than this OP, and I think you know this.

Fingers crossed for a clear CT and you make a speedy recovery xx

Dixiechickonhols · 22/07/2021 23:17

He’s not acting like your partner. Even a flat mate would be more concerned. He’s shown his colours. What if something happened with you or baby how is he going to get back. Won’t he need to drive back early (over limit) to mind baby tomorrow?

SRS29 · 22/07/2021 23:17

OP oh please just get better, grow a pair and kick him out. Do not make let this be normalised behaviour in front of your child....despicable....and really? you do know this ....

Couchbettato · 22/07/2021 23:17

So, you might have had a stroke (let's not sugar coat it), and he thinks it's alright to get drunk?

Hell no..

Comtesse · 22/07/2021 23:18

Mate. This loser doesn’t sound too good. What is the point of him? Hope you are feeling better very very soon Flowers

EternallyFrazzled · 22/07/2021 23:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at OP's request.

AntiSocialDistancer · 22/07/2021 23:18

Most twats can be lovely sometimes. There aren't many genuine trolls living under bridges - most horrible men have enough redemptive qualities to at least find a girlfriend or wife, but not keep them.

I'm so sorry. Concentrate on your health and your baby. Big decisions can wait a week especially if DP hes far, far away for now.

Dixiechickonhols · 22/07/2021 23:18

Seen your update. Good house is your name. Seriously get yourself sorted at hospital and text saying don’t bother coming back. You both deserve so much better.