Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In hospital

340 replies

2under2howscary · 22/07/2021 22:25

Okay. So I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable or not.

I woke up this morning with sudden onset blurry vision, and severe headache.

Went to eye a&e were I was found to have pressure in the back of my eyes, so they decided to send me straight to a&e

I went sent straight to a&e as told. I've had a CT can (awaiting results) where they're querying a blood clot or intercranial hypertension.

My partner works away. Tonight he is 2 hours away in Preston. He's gone out for dinner with his work friends which is fine. Here is where I may be unreasonable.
I asked him not to get drunk in case I needed him tonight, or for whatever reason he had to drive back. He agreed three times.

I've just been texting him and he's drunk as anything. He says I'm having a pop for no reason, and just being argumentative and stopping him having drinks for no reason. He'll no doubt stop talking to me now.

So AIBU for asking him not to drink? Even though he's 2.5 hours away?

OP posts:
tedsletterofthelaw · 22/07/2021 23:37

Well not brilliant with the hypertension I should say but yay no clots!

PrettyBlunt · 22/07/2021 23:37

home*

Notimeforaname · 22/07/2021 23:38

Great news re clots. You must be wrecked. Go home and get a good sleep..resist any attempt to text him and update. !

saraclara · 22/07/2021 23:38

This relationship is dead op. He doesn't give a shit about you

I need to quote this one too. Seriously, there is nothing about your relationship to try and save. You don't deserve to live this way, with a man who has such contempt for you.

RightYesButNo · 22/07/2021 23:41

YANBU and I would definitely say this is a relationship-ender, to be honest (and I’m not sure I’ve ever put LTB on MN before). But I just saw your comment that he’s already said if you split up, he’ll quit his job so he doesn’t have to pay CSA and to put you in the shite. What an absolutely horrible man. Unfortunately, the answer is that it’s likely he’ll get worse snd worse about the selfishness and disrespect for you until eventually you’ll have to leave, no matter the cost. I’m sorry Flowers

Right now, today though, try to just put him out of your mind like he doesn’t exist, and focus on getting through this hospital visit and getting yourself feeling better.

Nannyamc · 22/07/2021 23:41

Please mind yourself. Life is far too precious for this shit.
He needs a very very hard talking to.

BishBashBoshBush · 22/07/2021 23:45

This is awful, unsupportive, uncaring behaviour that has stressed you out at a time most people would be rallying around you with support. The fact he is supposed to be your partner in your life is the most shocking thing for me. You're supposed to be a team. He's not even doing the basic things, he's making you feel worse. You need a real partner, an equal, someone who treasures you and is there for you when you are scared and need them most. He is a prick and should be utterly ashamed of himself. What a horrible role model he is as a father and as a husband.

Nancydrawn · 22/07/2021 23:46

I'm so delighted to hear the good news about the clots and that you have a clear diagnosis.

I'm very sorry he's behaved so unlovingly and uncaringly. He doesn't sound like a partner at all. Partners (platonic or romantic) have each other's back. He sounds selfish, self-righteous, and punitive.

I hope at least this has given you some clarity.

Nat6999 · 22/07/2021 23:46

When you get home kick him out, he can swap places with your ds at his mum's. Do you work at all? If not put a claim for universal credit & CMS ASAP. My late dp could be an arsehole at times but when I had to be rushed to hospital one night couldn't have been better, he came with me & ds to the hospital & stayed until they admitted me then took ds home, put him to bed & waited up until they released me next morning. You are better off without him & can do much better, does his mum know that he has been out on the piss while she had had to care for your ds? If she doesn't I would definitely let her know exactly what an arsehole her ds is.

algebrapissoff · 22/07/2021 23:49

Here's a video to cheer you up OP

PlateSpinnerJuggler · 22/07/2021 23:52

What a a-hole! Sorry he's not being supportive...
You got all us here to support you...
so what's going on? Are they keeping you in? Are you ok?

Seesawmummadaw · 22/07/2021 23:55

Use this as a wake up call to get rid of the deadweight.
What an arse!

Sunbird24 · 22/07/2021 23:57

I’m glad there are no clots OP, but you know he’s going to use this as ‘proof’ that you were just being dramatic like he said, and he was perfectly reasonable to go out and get pissed.
Please don’t accept this treatment from him for a minute longer than you must.

gluteustothemaximus · 22/07/2021 23:58

I'm so sorry OP, what a horrible thing to go through alone. How scary.

However, this has shown you what an arsehole you live with.

An absolute wake up call. This is not normal behaviour.

You are worth SO much more than someone like that. Kick the fucker out.

Also, Flowers

harverina · 22/07/2021 23:59

Ah I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this alone today OP. Of course YANBU - he should have come home and met you at a&e if allowed. If not he should have been waiting for your discharge ag the very least. My husband wouldn’t even hesitate to come home under these circumstances.

Hope you are now en route home.

trunumber · 22/07/2021 23:59

Go home and change the locks. He is an absolute cunt. You deserve better, please don't let your little boy grow up thinking it's normal to be the selfish twat that your partner is. You both deserve better.

AmIbeingTreasonable · 23/07/2021 00:00

When people show you who they are, believe them
This man has shown you in no uncertain terms who he is, please ltb before your son learns his father's despicable behaviours

PersonaNonGarter · 23/07/2021 00:00

Live your best life - without him.

Original poster
2under2howscary · 23/07/2021 00:02

@Sunbird24

I’m glad there are no clots OP, but you know he’s going to use this as ‘proof’ that you were just being dramatic like he said, and he was perfectly reasonable to go out and get pissed. Please don’t accept this treatment from him for a minute longer than you must.
Yep this is EXACTLY how it'll go tomorrow.

I can see it now.

'See! No need to be dramatic and stressed out! Everything was fine anyway'

I'm actually hurt the most by me asking if he wants me to ring with an update and him saying 'well no.. I'm trying to get some kip'

His dad brought me home, so I'm home now. DP doesn't even know. Last he knew the CT hadn't come back and they were debating a lumbar puncture. His dad asked if I spoke to him, and didn't know what to say when I told him he was pissed.

Tbh, MIL will be pissed off or call him selfish. But she doesn't speak to him or make him see any errors! Just knows he is temperamental and that's his personality.

If he was in hospital I would have dropped everything.

OP posts:
CanofCant · 23/07/2021 00:05

YANBU, you should be able to rely on your 'partner' to care for you and show concern. Glad your results show no clots.

Judging from your user name you have an older child or are possibly pregnant. Does that complicate things for you when it comes to leaving him? He really is a dead weight that you could do without.

Take care and I hope you get some rest and feel stronger in the morning. Flowers

Original poster
2under2howscary · 23/07/2021 00:07

@CanofCant I have a 9.5 month old and I'm 12 weeks pregnant.

I got pregnant on the coil, so was using protection. I never intended on having more than 1 child, but life deemed otherwise

OP posts:
Cakeofdoom · 23/07/2021 00:09

ICHT can be quite serious OP, it can lead to blindness if left untreated.- my daughter had this and you are not being dramatic. Even my prize dick of an Ex husband was at my side whenever I was in hospital.

Get shot of this prick as soon as you can, he will never change and your life will be a fucking misery. I really feel for you x

CanofCant · 23/07/2021 00:11

Oh no judgement intended toward you, if anything it makes his complete lack of concern even worse! I know it's easy for us to say LTB but his behaviour and attitude would make me so hurt and angry that it would change how I felt about him. Anyway, I hope you feel better tomorrow.

Original poster
2under2howscary · 23/07/2021 00:11

@CanofCant I have the 12 week scan tomorrow. Obviously he hasn't taken the day off work.

OP posts:
Original poster
2under2howscary · 23/07/2021 00:12

But you're all right.

I would be mortified if my LB started speaking to me the way DP does, or treating me like that. I can't let his behaviour effect my son

OP posts: