He wants to leave them alone in a hotel room

[OrangeIsTheNewRed]

I have twin dc (6) with my ex and we mostly manage to coparent quite successfully. Occasionally though we have difficulties because of our parenting styles are very different.

In a couple of weeks he is taking them on holiday with his family and new partner. They're staying in the UK but far away and will need to stay in a hotel overnight.

When we were together and stayed in hotels with his family, his sister would routinely leave her young dc alone in the room while the grown-ups had dinner elsewhere in the hotel. She and her partner would check on them every half hour or so throughout the evening. I always thought this was totally wrong and irresponsible and when ex and I had our own dc, I refused to leave them alone and would stay in the room with my dc whilst everyone else got drunk over a long dinner/wedding reception/whatever. He and his family told me that I was paranoid and ridiculous.

We are no longer together (thank God) but now they're going to stay in a hotel and I won't be there. I have asked him to promise me that he won't leave them on their own, but to know avail.

There are so many dangers. Fire, they might wake up and be scared, they could hurt themselves, a member of staff who could be anyone could access the room. Not to mention Madeleine Mcann.

What do I do? Can I stop him taking them altogether? Help.

And yes, name changed but I am a long time regular. Penis beaker, have you cancelled the cheque yet, etc.

@princesslarmadrama

This just makes me think of the Madeleine McCann case.

Those poor parents, and the friends who were with them, were lulled into a sense of security because the place where they were staying was so family friendly. Boy have they paid for it, poor souls.

I often think of their friends and how horrifying it must have been for them too; it could have been one of their children who was abducted.

Since then, everyone everywhere has been more vigilant. Good can come out of bad but...what a price.

I have an older cousin who told me that holiday camps, eg Butlins, many years ago, people would leave their small children to sleep in their chalets while they went to entertainment, dancing and the like. There were baby monitoring staff who walked around the place listening for a child crying. If that happened it would be announced on a loudspeaker that a child in chalet x was crying, so parents went back.

Blimey, would that happen now? I think not.

@CharityDingle

And yes, name changed but I am a long time regular. Penis beaker, have you cancelled the cheque yet, etc.

I don't really understand how that shows someone is a long term regular? It's not the first time I have seen posters use stuff like 'naice ham, pombears' etc to somehow show they are longterm regulars, I am just curious?

Agreed... also why is it even relevant whether someone is a long term regular or has namechanged... all very odd. Do people give better quality advice to those who can prove they are long term regulars or something?

In regards to original post OP, I wouldn't be letting them go. Don't know if you can "legally" stop them, but you can quite literally just keep them in your house and not let them go. That's what I'd do.

Can't tell if @Teenagehorrorbag is trolling. If not, the idea that "no one is going to get into a hotel room" is completely ridiculous, as is the idea that your children were somehow more equipped to deal with this than others.

6 year olds should be within easy reach of their parents at all times (and I don't class a different location of an unfamiliar hotel "within easy reach" for a 6 year old). I have never met a 6 year old to whom I thought this did not apply - and I've worked in schools - so I'm pretty sure yours also fall within that category.

Something could have happened, yes of course the risk is small, but I don't know why you would take it for the sake of one child-free meal. It just seems very selfish to me.

It is absolutely not comparible to leaving children upstairs in their own house. A hotel is an unfamiliar environment with strangers, weird noises and the child is disorientated in a new place. Completely different kettle of fish to being in their own bed at home.

Even if it's just a case of a child getting upset (and no your kids weren't immune to that, no matter what you say about what golden children you have), why would you leave them for potentially 29 minutes of distress before you go back to check?

Chances are nothing will happen, and you were lucky. But it just boils down to really irresponsible and selfish parenting - putting your own desire for childless socialising above their needs to have you close.

The far greater risk is of the fire alarms going off and the family not being allowed back to the room to retrieve the children. It doesnt have to be an actual fire just a fault or someone being stupid.

You have two 6YOs in a room with a loud alarm going off and no parent to guide them to a fire escape. Eventually a stranger (fire warden/manager) arrives banging on the door to tell the children to come with them. Just how awful would that feel for the children?

I am guessing the ex and his family are the type of people who dont recognise that something is a risk until it happens directly to them.

(then complain bitterly to anyone who will listen that they should have been told that the risk applied to them)

God this is giving me chills. This was me 15 years ago.

My ex and his brother and brother’s family were going abroad and there was a night booked in an airport hotel. The holiday itself was in a villa.

We had the mother and father of all rows about it and I made him sign an undertaking not to leave them.

No idea if he did or not and I really felt backed into a corner because my kids (who were 6 and 8) were really looking forward to the holiday.

@Teenagehorrorbag did I read that correctly? You asked your 6 year old twins if they minded being left for a while, whilst you went to dinner and they said "it was fine".

So your children accepted parental role and gave you authority to leave them?

Can you imagine the police interview?

"But they said they were fine"

Jesus!

I think some people arent good at assessing risk. They dont see that a risk of say 1% something bad happening means that to 99 people nothing bad happens but the to 1 person something 100% bad happens.

They see it as 1% bad happening meaning that the something bad is only 1% bad.

What they also dont see is that of the 99 people many of them will have mitigated the risk (eg keeping their children with them).

I have and would rather sit in my hotel room with a sandwich from the petrol station than leave my kids.

But why would you? Being away for the night is an exciting experience for them and I would want them to enjoy eating out with us.

They are 9 and 11 now but I like to include them in everything we do.

A few years ago we went away staying in a uk hotel. We had gone downstairs for dinner when I realised I’d forgotten my babies formula. I went to get it only to find I couldn’t get into our room. After finally issuing new cards, still didn’t work.
Was this a Premier Inn ? The last time we stayed in one, the key cards failed repeatedly. Off topic a bit I know, but these things happen.

If he can’t confirm that he won’t leave them alone then I wouldn’t let them go. Yes will cause an argument but you can deal with that

It’s always been irresponsible to leave young children alone in a hotel room not just since MM

To all those saying about fire alarms, we were staying in the UK last year in a Holiday Inn. The alarms went off at 9.30 pm. It took a long time before anyone was allowed back into the hotel. A 6yo wouldn't know what to do in those circumstances. Also, it was a long time before we were allowed back into the hotel. The lifts were kept unavailable even after that.

Agreed... also why is it even relevant whether someone is a long term regular or has namechanged... all very odd. Do people give better quality advice to those who can prove they are long term regulars or something?

I assume it's in case someone advance searches their username, finds it's a first post & assumes they're a troll

I used to be left alone in a hotel room when my parents went down for dinner (early 1980s so I would have been about 7/8). I had some mosquito bites so got up, went into the bathroom, and used the cream on them all. Except it was deep heat and not the bite cream. I was in agony for ages but didn't know what to do, couldn't get my parents as I didn't know where they were and finally cried myself to sleep. I remember it vividly. We were in France and I can still remember everything about that night!

@SquashMinusIsShit

Agreed... also why is it even relevant whether someone is a long term regular or has namechanged... all very odd. Do people give better quality advice to those who can prove they are long term regulars or something?

I assume it's in case someone advance searches their username, finds it's a first post & assumes they're a troll

Exactly. People shouldn't need to prove they are long time posters but Mumsnetters are quick to point out the people with no posting history.

@MidLifeResurgence74

I used to be left alone in a hotel room when my parents went down for dinner (early 1980s so I would have been about 7/8). I had some mosquito bites so got up, went into the bathroom, and used the cream on them all. Except it was deep heat and not the bite cream. I was in agony for ages but didn't know what to do, couldn't get my parents as I didn't know where they were and finally cried myself to sleep. I remember it vividly. We were in France and I can still remember everything about that night!

😢

They're way too young to be left
11 &12 maybe but not that young . You can get into card or code number doors. I've just watched a US doc where an apartment buildings security guy googled 'how to over ride a code door' to rape & murder a tenant.

@MidLifeResurgence74

I used to be left alone in a hotel room when my parents went down for dinner (early 1980s so I would have been about 7/8). I had some mosquito bites so got up, went into the bathroom, and used the cream on them all. Except it was deep heat and not the bite cream. I was in agony for ages but didn't know what to do, couldn't get my parents as I didn't know where they were and finally cried myself to sleep. I remember it vividly. We were in France and I can still remember everything about that night!

That's awful, poor you.

Find out the name of the hotel. Call and ask for babysitting services, if not available book a private babysitter to sit in the room with them. If ex doesn’t agree to this, I wouldn’t let them go.

Honestly over my dead body they’d go! Not a chance in hell!

Quick update! I spoke to my solicitor this morning and she said that a prohibited steps order would be an option if all else fails. I spoke to him over text (so do have the whole thing documented including his plans to leave them alone!) and told him what I would do. He got very uppity but he did back down and promise not to do it.

I've ordered a basic phone and PAYG sim which I will teach them how to use before they go, and I'll just put mine and his numbers into it. They'll know that if they're ever remotely worried about anything ever, to call me.

Nightmare

I suppose you've done all you can. Do the kids know their dad will probably leave them in the hotel room alone?

No - but I told them that if they're worried or daddy isn't there - call me. I might just spell it out before they go that he was planning to leave them alone but that I know it isn't safe, so call me if he does. God I can't stand him or his feckless, arrogant family.

Do you know the hotel?
Are you taking action if he does?

@OrangeIsTheNewRed

No - but I told them that if they're worried or daddy isn't there - call me. I might just spell it out before they go that he was planning to leave them alone but that I know it isn't safe, so call me if he does. God I can't stand him or his feckless, arrogant family.

What an absolute nob to put you in this position. I get you might want to warn the kids but then that might frighten them.

I get you might want to warn the kids but then that might frighten them.

It's tricky isn't it, you want them to know what to do it they are alone but also don't want them worrying.