He wants to leave them alone in a hotel room

[OrangeIsTheNewRed]

I have twin dc (6) with my ex and we mostly manage to coparent quite successfully. Occasionally though we have difficulties because of our parenting styles are very different.

In a couple of weeks he is taking them on holiday with his family and new partner. They're staying in the UK but far away and will need to stay in a hotel overnight.

When we were together and stayed in hotels with his family, his sister would routinely leave her young dc alone in the room while the grown-ups had dinner elsewhere in the hotel. She and her partner would check on them every half hour or so throughout the evening. I always thought this was totally wrong and irresponsible and when ex and I had our own dc, I refused to leave them alone and would stay in the room with my dc whilst everyone else got drunk over a long dinner/wedding reception/whatever. He and his family told me that I was paranoid and ridiculous.

We are no longer together (thank God) but now they're going to stay in a hotel and I won't be there. I have asked him to promise me that he won't leave them on their own, but to know avail.

There are so many dangers. Fire, they might wake up and be scared, they could hurt themselves, a member of staff who could be anyone could access the room. Not to mention Madeleine Mcann.

What do I do? Can I stop him taking them altogether? Help.

And yes, name changed but I am a long time regular. Penis beaker, have you cancelled the cheque yet, etc.

So when he finds the phone?

You trust him to leave them with it?

You think they should bear the responsibility for keeping it secret?

Would you want them to keep such secrets from you?

They shouldn't be going with a man who thinks this is ok.

@Megasausagehead

So when he finds the phone?

You trust him to leave them with it?

You think they should bear the responsibility for keeping it secret?

Would you want them to keep such secrets from you?

They shouldn't be going with a man who thinks this is ok.

Did you see the programme this week about family courts?

Amongst other stories two pre teens were taken out of their beds by police at midnight to go live with their dad. The kids were screaming for mum and she collapsed. The courts had accused her or turning the kids against their dad but they just didn't want to go.

Not saying the op should put up with all of this but you never know what spin her ex could put on it.

I do agree with you though and probably so does the op. He's put her in an awful position.

I didn't see that programme - sounds horrendous. What was it called? I'll have a look.

I was planning to tell him about the phone.

Gosh you poor thing. I am a rather laid back parent I think, but never in a million years would my children be left in a hotel room like this.

I'm also on the other side, a stepmum and have been on numerous holidays with my DSC before I had my DC. If my DH had ever suggested we leave my DSC to go out for dinner I would have told him to bugger off and stayed with them all night myself! I would then never have had children with him! Crazy stuff. Wonder what she's thinking....

Also we've got a prohibited steps order before for something different and it can be turned around very quickly (less than 24 hours in our case) so if you need to use it, do it.

What will you do if the phone isn’t answered? Your ex might take it from them or it may be turned off.

You could get someone from the hotel to go & knock on the door after the time he was planning to leave them. Tell them you are a little concerned & you want to make sure they’re not in there alone. If someone answers the door fine - if not or if the children say they are alone then action can be taken. The hotel will have a pass key. Don’t tell him you are going to do this.

Dispatches: family courts expose www.mumsnet.com/Talk/telly_addicts/4301976-Dispatches-family-courts-expose

Thread here

No they wouldn't be going. Like the readers above. No.

If you tell him about the phone he may take it off them so that they can't ring you to say they're scared or alone. He's said he won't leave them, but I wouldn't trust him. Saying it is one thing, but the bulk of the evidence says that he won't mean it. He thinks he'll get away with it.

I'd be going down the 'prohibited steps' route. Don't risk it.

@Feedingthebirds1

If you tell him about the phone he may take it off them so that they can't ring you to say they're scared or alone. He's said he won't leave them, but I wouldn't trust him. Saying it is one thing, but the bulk of the evidence says that he won't mean it. He thinks he'll get away with it.

I'd be going down the 'prohibited steps' route. Don't risk it.

Exactly.

He wants to leave them unattended and thinks you are being extra for objecting.

You are going to tell him about the phone you are giving them to effectively grass him up.

He will obviously make sure they don't have the phone to be able to grass him up when left alone??

I don't agree with the phone idea, they're only 6 and it's not their job to risk assess a situation. Would your ex put all his money and all his treasured possessions on a hotel bed and think that is secure? I know children are more precious but maybe he will get it through his thick head that if it's not ok to leave all your money unattended in a hotel, it's certainly not ok to leave your small vulnerable children

OP I gave mine an old iphone and smarty sim. They can easily face time me and their dad. Especially good as iphone works same as ipad. Got an armour case and its linked to my parental apple account.

Also means kids can face time either parent while away. Makes mine so happy as they have been face timing their daddy all week.

Their dad also uses facetime to read them stories and do bedtime with them

Poor you op, why is he even bothering to take them at all to leave them alone in a room??

Poor kids. Even if there isn’t a fire there can easily be a fire alarm ( I worked in a hotel, random shit happened all the time, some guests are batshit) and could you imagine being six years old alone with your twin with that loud honking noise and a disembodied voice announcing ‘evacuate’? It gets the heart racing even when it’s just a drill. Plus he can’t go back up to the room once that’s in play so you’d have to try and get to speak with the fire brigade who will be seriously unimpressed small children are up there alone. They have to treat it like a real fire until proven otherwise.

And they’ll be able to open the door of the room. As can basically every hotel employee. I was in HR, nothing to do with guests and my swipe card still opened all rooms.

I wouldn’t trust him because to even think about doing this shows he’s a thoughtless idiot with terrible judgement. Prohibitive steps order sounds good.

@CherryDocsInYrBalls

I don't agree with the phone idea, they're only 6 and it's not their job to risk assess a situation. Would your ex put all his money and all his treasured possessions on a hotel bed and think that is secure? I know children are more precious but maybe he will get it through his thick head that if it's not ok to leave all your money unattended in a hotel, it's certainly not ok to leave your small vulnerable children

I agree it's too much pressure for six year olds and phones. Would they be expected to hide it from dad?

@DingleyDel

Tbh I think it really depends. Large hotel with room miles away/kids that don’t sleep reliably/ adults that are likely to get drunk and forget to check up no way. I’ve done this (will be roasted on here I’m sure). Small hotel with Restaurant directly below room with one staircase up and down (we could see if anyone was ascending) and checked on dc (who reliably never stirred once asleep) every half hour. I don’t really see how it’s that different to being downstairs in your own home but it sounds like you don’t trust your ex or his family to keep them safe. I think ultimately it comes down to that. Have they actually said that this is what they’re planning?

I agree with this.

I would potentially consider doing this in a small hotel, depending on location of the restaurant. Kids are told to dial 0 in case of any problem, regular check ins by an adult. And for whoever said they'd be locked in and couldn't get out - have you never stayed in a hotel? Obviously the door opens from the inside!!

When I was pregnant with my second we stayed at a hotel with a family layout- kid closest to the door in a cot in the living room area plus a normal bedroom, divided by a hallway and bathroom.

At 4.30am the door opened and a man tried to get in to the living room bit where my 2 year old was sleeping. Allegedly maintenance meant to be going to the room a floor above us but who knows the truth. Luckily I'm paranoid as fuck and had the chain across the door, the noise of which woke me up. I shouted "hey" and the guy legged it.

I have no idea what the man's intentions truly were- if it was an honest mistake or if he had nefarious plans, but either way its made me realise just how vulnerable you can be in hotel rooms.

Balls, hit send too early. Needless to say it'd be a hard no from me!

Nope, say you all have to self isolate.

Oh and agree with pp - We booked two hotel rooms, (not adjoining) because we were a family of 6. A random man walked in. His key card opened up the door !!! Needless to say all 6 of us bundled into one room that night.

Totally crazy. 6-year-olds (or kids of any age) can/should be taken to dinner with the adults whilst on holiday!

I was on a business trip in France, large corporate hotel with several colleagues staying in the same hotel.

My colleague "Anthony" was given his keycard at the registration desk. Used it to access his room, vaguely thought "this room hasn't been tidied properly, open suitcase on the bed, laptop on the table. etc. Used the toilet, changed his shirt and came down again, when he told me. It's only then he cottoned on that "his room" had already been allocated to someone else... 🌹