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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He wants to leave them alone in a hotel room

262 replies

OrangeIsTheNewRed · 22/07/2021 19:36

I have twin dc (6) with my ex and we mostly manage to coparent quite successfully. Occasionally though we have difficulties because of our parenting styles are very different.

In a couple of weeks he is taking them on holiday with his family and new partner. They're staying in the UK but far away and will need to stay in a hotel overnight.

When we were together and stayed in hotels with his family, his sister would routinely leave her young dc alone in the room while the grown-ups had dinner elsewhere in the hotel. She and her partner would check on them every half hour or so throughout the evening. I always thought this was totally wrong and irresponsible and when ex and I had our own dc, I refused to leave them alone and would stay in the room with my dc whilst everyone else got drunk over a long dinner/wedding reception/whatever. He and his family told me that I was paranoid and ridiculous.

We are no longer together (thank God) but now they're going to stay in a hotel and I won't be there. I have asked him to promise me that he won't leave them on their own, but to know avail.

There are so many dangers. Fire, they might wake up and be scared, they could hurt themselves, a member of staff who could be anyone could access the room. Not to mention Madeleine Mcann.

What do I do? Can I stop him taking them altogether? Help.

And yes, name changed but I am a long time regular. Penis beaker, have you cancelled the cheque yet, etc.

OP posts:
Notwavingbutdrowing3 · 22/07/2021 20:04

I wouldn't be happy. It's irresponsible.
Are they holidaying in another country - in a hotel there though?

I'm not sure you'd be able to stop him taking them and leaving them in hotel room alone whilst he still in the building- depending on local laws- none of which you will be there to witness or do anything about.

I'd worry about access to bath, balcony, wandering off, all sorts as 6 year olds are perfectly capable of opening doors

RedHelenB · 22/07/2021 20:05

Going against the grain but if they are asleep and being checked on every half hour and are in the same building its a very different scenario to the Mccans. Presumably the door would be locked too?

alexdgr8 · 22/07/2021 20:05

@Whimsy14

Not two six year olds. Far too much could go wrong. Why can't he get a family room? The twins could share a bed, surely?
they probably are sharing a bed. the problem is when they get put to bed and left alone in the room while adults go downstairs to eat and drink the night away.
Ginger1982 · 22/07/2021 20:07

Nah, sod that. Tell him he's not taking them. Refuse to make them available. I mean, even if he turns around and says 'I won't leave them' to appease you, how will you ever know unless you ask them once home if they were left alone? How many nights are they away for?

Fernando072020 · 22/07/2021 20:08

Yanbu. I'd keep my son home

Fiddliestofsticks · 22/07/2021 20:08

Call the hotel around the time he would usually have left them alone, and say "I believe my young children have been left unattended in a room at your hotel. The book is under Mr. X. Could a member of staff please inspect the room. If my children are unattended, please call the police."

Pingued · 22/07/2021 20:09

@Anonymous48 yes but I think I misunderstood and didn't realise it was just the meal they'd be alone. I thought ex was staying in a seperate room and would leave them there to sleep while they had a meal and then sleep in another room.

My bad.

Still not OK.

winterchills · 22/07/2021 20:11

I wouldn't be letting them go, as tight as it sounds it's not worth the risk at ALL. His family sound batshit especially after all the Madeline McCann

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 22/07/2021 20:11

Stuff his family being up in arms. You need to protect your children. It would be different if they were older but they are just six.

They could jump on the bed and fall off, break the toothbrush glass, get into the mini bar, fight and hit their heads on furniture, open the window - anything. My parents left me alone with my cousin at around this age in similar circumstances and I put my hand through a glass panel as we were chasing around (before safety glass. My cousins son who had a baby listening service (useless) got out of his room, wandered around the hotel and finally joined us in bare feet across a courtyard at the table., his younger brother still in the room. These things may never happen. Everything could be perfectly fine. Unless its that one unlucky time.
I bet the hotel won't tolerate this situation either. Pretty sure it might affect their insurance - which you could mention.

Get the hotel name if you can then ring ask them to book a baby sitter
If you don't get confirmation from the hotel, in writing, they wont be going.

It sounds like they want a child free evening anyway.
So what if they complain. You are in the right and you know it. So do they.
Horrid situation but stick to your guns.

PepperPepperMan · 22/07/2021 20:13

@Pingued

He can get a family room with them and she can sleep on her own in the other room. It's just one night.
Huh, who?
Staffy1 · 22/07/2021 20:13

It’s really not that different to the McCans. It’s exactly the same in leaving young children on their own in a room while being somewhere else out of sight of that room and only checking on them every half hour. In between checks you don’t know what’s happening.

ComDummings · 22/07/2021 20:15

Fuck that, he would have to take me to court to get permission to take them because that would be a hard no

crosstalk · 22/07/2021 20:16

It's a tricky decision even if both parents are present and deciding together. At any age they could be with adults in a restaurant and especially at 6 which is common in Europe where adults and children enjoy a meal without the adults getting drunk and the children don't misbehave. would this be a solution? of course you can't dictate what happens - is there someone in the family you would trust to take care?

Pingued · 22/07/2021 20:17

In a couple of weeks he is taking them on holiday with his family and new partner.

I'm so confused. Is the ex not going away with his new partner and the twins?! I'll just slip away quietly..

Original poster
OrangeIsTheNewRed · 22/07/2021 20:25

@Pingued he is taking them away on holiday within the UK in a couple of weeks, and his new partner and family will be going too. They're all staying at a hotel on the way and of course since we're no longer together (hallelujah), I won't be there to look after the children in the evening when all the other adults are off getting drunk and having dinner elsewhere in the hotel. He will leave them on their own after bedtime, which is something other members of his family have always routinely done and will undoubtedly also be doing this time.

OP posts:
GnomeDePlume · 22/07/2021 20:26

@Pingued the problem is that on the way to the holiday the family group is stopping overnight in a hotel with seemingly every intention of leaving the 6 year old twins to sleep alone while the rest of the family have dinner elsewhere in the hotel.

skodadoda · 22/07/2021 20:26

Are you sure it’s not illegal to leave 6 year olds alone in a hotel room? I can imagine it being considered neglect which is obviously illegal. Maybe I’m wrong

There’s no specific law about age. The law is about putting a child at risk of harm.

Original poster
OrangeIsTheNewRed · 22/07/2021 20:27

I'm afraid that I wouldn't trust any of them. Possibly the new partner is a bit more responsible but I don't know her well enough to be sure.

OP posts:
Whimsy14 · 22/07/2021 20:28

they probably are sharing a bed. the problem is when they get put to bed and left alone in the room while adults go downstairs to eat and drink the night away.
I had assumed the children would be eating with the adults, maybe around seven o'clock, then going to bed. If the father or another adult is in the same room, then no problem.

SlothinSpirit · 22/07/2021 20:28

It's not a tricky decision. It's just wrong to leave young children like this. What if they get up and go wandering around the hotel? What if there's a fire or someone gains access to the room?

Original poster
OrangeIsTheNewRed · 22/07/2021 20:30

Thanks to the pp who suggested giving them a pay as you go basic phone - that's a good idea.

OP posts:
Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 22/07/2021 20:31

What a dick even thinking this is ok

Crunched · 22/07/2021 20:32

I would investigate the hotel. For example, we go to hotel that does high tea for little ones, then has a supervised movie so that parents can have a relaxed dinner. However this is more for 2 to 4 year olds, as they get older the DC enjoy the restaurant experience alongside their parents.
You may be worrying unnecessarily and your ex may well have chosen appropriate accommodation to enhance the twins holiday.

CharityDingle · 22/07/2021 20:33

And yes, name changed but I am a long time regular. Penis beaker, have you cancelled the cheque yet, etc.

I don't really understand how that shows someone is a long term regular? It's not the first time I have seen posters use stuff like 'naice ham, pombears' etc to somehow show they are longterm regulars, I am just curious?

LimeRedBanana · 22/07/2021 20:33

Does he honestly think 6YOs are just going to drop off to sleep easily in a strange room and stay asleep? Confused There is literally 0.0001% chance of that happening.

They won’t drop off, and then when/if they eventually do, they’ll wake and there’ll be no-one there, and no way for them to know where everyone is, or how to get to them. What does he think their reaction is going to be to that?

It’s absolutely not OK.

I’m another one who didn’t think what the McCanns did was so terrible pre-DC.

Post-DC? Completely unfathomable.