He wants to leave them alone in a hotel room

[OrangeIsTheNewRed]

I have twin dc (6) with my ex and we mostly manage to coparent quite successfully. Occasionally though we have difficulties because of our parenting styles are very different.

In a couple of weeks he is taking them on holiday with his family and new partner. They're staying in the UK but far away and will need to stay in a hotel overnight.

When we were together and stayed in hotels with his family, his sister would routinely leave her young dc alone in the room while the grown-ups had dinner elsewhere in the hotel. She and her partner would check on them every half hour or so throughout the evening. I always thought this was totally wrong and irresponsible and when ex and I had our own dc, I refused to leave them alone and would stay in the room with my dc whilst everyone else got drunk over a long dinner/wedding reception/whatever. He and his family told me that I was paranoid and ridiculous.

We are no longer together (thank God) but now they're going to stay in a hotel and I won't be there. I have asked him to promise me that he won't leave them on their own, but to know avail.

There are so many dangers. Fire, they might wake up and be scared, they could hurt themselves, a member of staff who could be anyone could access the room. Not to mention Madeleine Mcann.

What do I do? Can I stop him taking them altogether? Help.

And yes, name changed but I am a long time regular. Penis beaker, have you cancelled the cheque yet, etc.

Dh had that too came back to his room after a wedding to find a large man asleep in his bed! I have also had someone blunder into my hotel room was innocent mistake but scary.

Risk of abduction vanishingly small but risk of them feeling frightened is quite high and would be unacceptable to me

You only need to read any advice forum for women travelling alone to know that leaving children in a hotel room is a very bad idea. Things like rubber wedge doorstops are recommended because it is so easy for people (men) to get into locked hotel rooms.

This sounds awful! I would book a room at the hotel too.

I would definitely not let him take the children!!! I actually can't believe him and his (clearly stupid) family think this is ok or a normal thing to do. Have they not heard about Madeleine McCann??
It comes across that you don't trust this man but do you trust him to care for them safely when he sees them normally, ie not taking them on holiday?
I hope you stand firm as your children's safety is your priority regardless of whether him and his family cause trouble over it.

Sorry but even with you giving them a phone i still think it's far too risky and no risk is worth it with our precious children. It should not be left to the poor children to alert you if they are left alone and scared. It sounds like that's what he'll do even though he knows your feeling on the matter. Please don't put your 6 year olds in that position.

Well done for speaking to your solicitor about it, OP.

Having had fertility issues and spent 20 years trying to conceive one child, this kind of situation is utterly heartbreaking and so damn frustrating.

They say you only know what you had once it’s gone & I can only echo what the majority have said. Sincerely hoping your ex doesn’t let you down

Very sad that being with adult family members seems more important for him than seeing his own kids. I hope it all works out and he grows up!

Stay strong OP.

@Whimsy14

A few years ago we went away staying in a uk hotel. We had gone downstairs for dinner when I realised I’d forgotten my babies formula. I went to get it only to find I couldn’t get into our room. After finally issuing new cards, still didn’t work. Was this a Premier Inn ? The last time we stayed in one, the key cards failed repeatedly. Off topic a bit I know, but these things happen.

No, it was a Doubletree x

I would also call the hotel and find out their view on young children being left in rooms unattended. I suspect that it would raise flags with them, especially if the restaurant booking was for less people.

I used to be a flight attendant. Spent more than my fair share of nights alone in hotels. It is not uncommon for hotels to accidentally double-book your room. I have woken up many times to someone opening my door with an electronic key that was programmed for my room. I learned to dress and sleep with the chain on the door at all times. I also knocked before trying my key because I have walked in on things I didn’t need to ever see. 🤮 I wouldn’t leave little kids alone in a hotel room for ten minutes, let alone expect drunk people to check on them. What if there’s a mini-bar, ffs? Those little bottles would look really pretty.

How did this get resolved OP?